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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think staying in bed until 9:30 is okay?

220 replies

BelindaBrighton · 23/09/2018 09:44

I am usually up fairly early but am 34 weeks pregnant with my first and sleep is not a thing anymore. Baby kicks wake me up, I can't lay on one side for more than 20 mins, I lay awake for hours on end because I'm so uncomfortable, I wake up sweating etc. I finally fall asleep at silly am and sleep through to 9:30/10 on the weekend. This still isn't enough and I'm still exhausted.

During the week I work so am up at 6:30 on weekdays which is almost killing me, to the point I've vomited a couple of times I'm so tired!

I'm really trying, but sleep is one thing I'm finding so hard. Once I am on maternity leave I will worry less as I'll not have work to worry about.

DP thinks I'm being lazy. Wakes me up at 8 telling me I need to get up. It's starting to upset me. I need my sleep and struggle without it. He thinks I'm milking it.

Anyone else have the same sleep issues? AIBU to feel like DP is being an arse?

OP posts:
DolorestheNewt · 23/09/2018 12:22

The problem is with this, as you've described it (and MN posts are always of necessity not very rich in context, so I may be wrong here) is that your DH sounds as though he's co-dependent, immature, and unable to cope with change.

All three of those are going to be very difficult when the baby arrives, though I suspect the last is probably the hardest. I really hope your DH isn't one of those fathers who walks around with the baby in a front sling to show off his modern dad credentials, does fuck all else, then complains that you "don't have time for him since the baby arrived."

madeoficecream · 23/09/2018 12:24

oh my goodness id divorce my husband if he had the nerve to do this!! WTAF! Of course stay in bed if you are tired and you have nothing to get to. I do that and ive got two kids! You need to do it sometimes when you have young children or youd die from lack of sleep!
I hope he changes his tune when the baby arrives... cant insist everyone gets up at 8am every day regardless of how little sleep everyone has had... you will all just die! And you need to let him know to never ever wake a sleeping baby just because you think they should be awake!!

Wildheartsease · 23/09/2018 12:24

It looks as if your DP needs some empathy-training!

Perhaps you should keep him awake when you are. - Give his ribs a prod and let him know whenever you feel uncomfortable in the night.

He still won't be suffering as you (unless you prod very hard) but will have some idea of why you need to sleep when you can!

llangennith · 23/09/2018 12:26

He's in for a shock when baby arrives!
OP you really need to give up work asap. You're not indispensable and your health comes before any job. Sleep all you want and tell your immature brat of a husband just that.

Starlight345 · 23/09/2018 12:27

I have no idea why he thinks it’s ok to tell an adult what time they have to get up pregnant or not .

I would tell him to get up and take his sorry Arse to the gym and you can spread out in bed

NotANotMan · 23/09/2018 12:30

Domestic abuse often starts or gets worse during pregnancy. This is controlling behaviour and it is on the spectrum of emotionally abusive.

MirriVan · 23/09/2018 12:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CryingMessFFS · 23/09/2018 12:37

Domestic abuse often starts or gets worse during pregnancy. This is controlling behaviour and it is on the spectrum of emotionally abusive.

This ^

He’s an idiot at best or an emotionally abusive cunt at worst.

Gersemi · 23/09/2018 12:41

Terribly easy to say you're being lazy when he's just woken after 8 hours solid sleep. Tell him if he either wakes you early or accuses you of being lazy again, you will be making sure you wake him at 15 minute intervals whenever you're awake at night and he can then judge in the morning whether you need to sleep past 8 a.m.

Ignoramusgiganticus · 23/09/2018 12:44

I hope that you can make a stand and go for a nap this afternoon for a couple of hours with strict instructions not to wake you. If he can't or won't accept/respect this, then you really have a really big problem in your relationship.

I agree that if he is resentful that you can't go to the gym with him now, then it doesn't bode well when he eventually realises that he will always be below the baby in priority when it arrives.

amusedbush · 23/09/2018 12:46

He's having a huff because you're tired and you can't go to the gym with him? Does he realise what life will be like when the baby arrives?

He sounds like a twat and it doesn't bode well for the next few years.

Italiangreyhound · 23/09/2018 12:47

Your partner is an utter arse and I would make sure he knows it now or he will be moving into more abuses stages soon. What right has he got to tell you to get up!

"He's not usually controlling. Not that I've noticed anyway." Watch him on this, men sometimes change when their partners get pregnant. Don't accept any controlling behavior.

You said he lost him mum very young, I am very sorry about that. Has he come to terms with that, did he have counselling or help as a child or an adult?

"He just seems to have been stressed out by me being pregnant and clearly doesn't like that I'm not the perky lively person full of energy I was months ago. He gets upset he has nobody to go to the gym with anymore as we went together 🙄 at least he can still go without feeling like his hips are going to dislocate!!""

So he sounds like a big old petulant baby who is upset that your being pregnant has spoiled his fun! Remind him there will be a real life baby in the house soon, how is he going to cope with that?

Here's my situation, married for 17 years, get up when I want. Seriously lay in on Saturdays. My husband doesn't tell me what to do. End of. You are not his employee, his child, or his toy to make use of when he wants. You need sleep and good quality rest. Tell him other men give their pregnant partners foot rubs or back rubs, ask him what he has planned for you, and if it is a session of squash at the gym then you may need to give him a biology lesson!

I think just based on these pieces of information you may end up being either unhappy with him or leaving him, so think about this and bear it in mind is he keeps up this shit.

Please tell him how his ordering you around, you an equal adult in the family, makes you feel and how you will need his support and help with the rest of the pregnancy and when baby comes.

Good luck. Thanks

Italiangreyhound · 23/09/2018 12:49

Popc0rn I love that saying - “There are only two conditions where you’re allowed to wake up a woman on a lie-in: it’s snowing or the death of a celebrity.”

  • Micheal Macintyre

but I disagree, only one, snowing!

PickAChew · 23/09/2018 12:49

Suggest to him that you'll poke him in the stomach and dance on his bladder every time you get woken in the night then see how "lazy" he feels like being on a Sunday.

JacNaylor · 23/09/2018 12:51

What an idiot!! You don't need to justify yourself to him. Tell him the night before that you will be lying in until you feel like getting up and won't be arguing about it any more. He has no right to tell you how to feel or what to do.

BitOutOfPractice · 23/09/2018 12:52

Who died and made him king of the world?

Sleep is precious. Sleep for pregnant women, poorly people abs small children is absolutely sacrosanct.

I think you need to be careful here op. Him calling you lazy is a massive red flag for me

He is being a twat

Italiangreyhound · 23/09/2018 12:55

OP I took work home and spent my first bit of maternity leave trying to tidy things up before baby came! I get it. But seriouly, get the work thing sorted a.s.a.p. and start your leave as soon as you can. Work will continue without you. Take your bosses advice, and please do not work until the 39 week if you can help it. Some babies come early and not finishing off well might stress you more.

eurochick · 23/09/2018 12:57

We both loved our lazy weekend mornings before children. Our daughter is now 4. A lie in is incredibly rare. I could weep when I think back to those pre baby mornings. I have a very full on job too and those lie ins were really helpful for me to recharge. These days I am just permanently exhausted.

brizzledrizzle · 23/09/2018 13:01

Your DP is an idiot.Wake him up in the middle of the night when you are awake and tell him that he has to get used to sleepless nights starting now.

QueenArseClangers · 23/09/2018 13:06

As PP have mentioned, this is the thin end of a bloody awful abusive wedge.

This is cruel and abusive behaviour which, as research has shown, often starts during pregnancy and continues when baby is here.

You should LTB.

He does not care for you only what you can do for him Sad

CeeCeeMacFay · 23/09/2018 13:06

Your DP is being massively unreasonable. I had a lie in until 11am today totally undisturbed. I am usually an early bird but have had dental surgery last earlier in the week and felt wiped out. He isn't showing you any respect.

Ignoramusgiganticus · 23/09/2018 13:08

How you respond to this "new" controlling behaviour will set a precedent for the future when his "stresses" petulant baby responses become greater due to your increased unavailability to him because of the baby's needs.
Take a firm stand now or it will only get worse. If you can't take that firm stand or this abuse escalates or expands (and it is abuse, even if it's only this one particular issue) then you will have real problems.

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 23/09/2018 13:09

Even without a baby, if I needed some more sleep and was treated like this I’d be getting stabby.
I think this is utterly appalling.

SargeantAngua · 23/09/2018 13:13

Sleep is precious. Sleep for pregnant women, poorly people abs small children is absolutely sacrosanct.

Yes!! Reading threads like this make me so thankful for having an understanding DP! Not pregnant but am quite disabled by ME. Mornings don't exist for me, I'm just finishing breakfast. DP has been out playing with his power tools all morning, came in around 12 for coffee when I was waking up so sat on the bed for a chat for a bit then I got up. It helps that I really struggle to function if I have to get up before I'm ready to, so there's very little point in it, but we are independent enough thay he potters around on weekend mornings (or sleeps if he wants to!) and we do things together in the afternoon.

I grew up on a farm, arable only from when I was at primary school but Dad was a stickler for everyone being 'up and doing' by 8 on weekend mornings. I was ok with it but as a teenager my brother found it hellish. It was unfair and unnecessary, but his father had been the same so he knew no different...

problembottom · 23/09/2018 13:14

Blimey OP. I’m 26 weeks pregnant and have been knackered throughout. DP is by no means perfect but he brings me breakfast in bed before I start work and encourages me to lie in or nap on my days off so I can recharge. Your OH needs a serious talking to about how selfish he’s being...

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