to think staying in bed until 9:30 is okay?

[BelindaBrighton]

I am usually up fairly early but am 34 weeks pregnant with my first and sleep is not a thing anymore. Baby kicks wake me up, I can't lay on one side for more than 20 mins, I lay awake for hours on end because I'm so uncomfortable, I wake up sweating etc. I finally fall asleep at silly am and sleep through to 9:30/10 on the weekend. This still isn't enough and I'm still exhausted.

During the week I work so am up at 6:30 on weekdays which is almost killing me, to the point I've vomited a couple of times I'm so tired!

I'm really trying, but sleep is one thing I'm finding so hard. Once I am on maternity leave I will worry less as I'll not have work to worry about.

DP thinks I'm being lazy. Wakes me up at 8 telling me I need to get up. It's starting to upset me. I need my sleep and struggle without it. He thinks I'm milking it.

Anyone else have the same sleep issues? AIBU to feel like DP is being an arse?

Yes I know you will get the line trotted out about how because they haven't had to physically carry the baby that men are not prepared mentally or emotionally for parenthood and this is just another example....honestly are you saying that he thinks it's his call how long you are allowed to sleep in the morning. For no reason other than he feels that you shouldn't??? Are you really sure he's not controlling in other ways? If you are sure that it is not a manifestation of a controlling nature in general and just a particular blindspot on sleeping later than he considers acceptable then the only way to deal with it is to wake him to sit up with you when you wake at night - to keep you company as you've decided that "it is inappropriate for him to sleep at night when you are up"....

Christ, my partner wouldn't get a second chance to try that as I'd have roasted his nuts on an open fire. Mine specifically tries to help so I can have as much sleep as I need –he sleeps in the spare room at weekends as he stays up really late and doesn't want to wake me coming in at 3am!

What an arse he is to wake you up. Next weekend I want you to wake him up every single time the baby wakes you up. Even when he complains just say "sorry" but still do it every single time. By morning he'll understand how tired you are!

I used to lie in every weekend to at least this time... I now have a 6 month old and I was delighted that my lie in lasted to 815 this morning 😂
Have you had your iron levels checked recently? I was about 33 weeks when I found out my iron and b12 were pretty low

I'd be having a hard talk with him right now. Tell him to stop waking you up on weekends.

Then if he does it again, sling him the fuck out. He clearly doesn't respect you or care for you.

He'd still be an arse telling you to get up at any specific time even if you weren't pregnant.
He's made it obvious that he won't make any allowances for the fact that you'll be shattered when the baby arrives. Please make sure that if he pulls that stunt that you wake him every time the baby wakes so he's just as tired as you. He might "get" it then.

Wakes me up at 8 telling me I need to get up.

I am not pregnant but if DP did thisnhe wouldn’t be a “P” for very long

I love him only marginally more than sleep

I would clearly and unambiguously say “I need you to let me sleep. Please do not wake me up either through asking me to get up or by banging around the bedroom / making lots of noise in the next room”

I'd be very worried if my DH was calling me lazy, saying i need to get up at the weekend when I don't need to.
I bet his mother is a factor?

Another non pregnant person here who is still in bed. I woke a while ago. Dh brought me up breakfast and some tea. Dd is a teen so is still asleep and doesn't need looking after. Dh isn't one for lying in bed much so is up. He's out the dishwasher in a couple of times (friends here yesterday for big meal which I cooked) and is now sat watching tv. None of us are washed and dressed. It's Sunday and no plans til mid afternoon.

If I want to lie in bed at a weekend, when I've got no plans, then I will. And that's without the extra tiredness of being heavily pregnant.

Anyone deliberately waking me up to tell me I should be up would be getting a short sharp message!

Sleep snobs are the worst!

So sanctimonious.

@misshaversham1 his mother died when he was 5 so she's not around, but he's very close to his step mum.

Not pregnant still in bed

DH and I are up at 6.30 Mon-Fri on Sat he gets a lie in while I take the kids swimming and on Sunday I do. He takes the kids out on scooters or bikes then makes brunch and I get up around 10.30/11. We both feel better for it and get some quality time with DC in the morning and family timevrestbof day. Obviously some weekends we have plans that mean we both have to be up early but if it's a normal weekend this works for us.

I’m in the same boat as you, I stupidly thought I’d be able to work until 38 weeks and now too late to change. If I didn’t gave to get up at 5.30am then most of the issue would be erased as I think a huge part of it for me, is anxiety about needing to get up so early. Plus I could nap in the day time. People keep saying to me “Oh when the baby arrives you’ll sleep even less” but the truth is all the time I’m not working the problem is much less

I really dont see what it has to do with him at the moment

Good luck for when the baby is born - I would discuss this now

You are saying about how exhausted you are...I don’t think it’s extra tired it’s just that your body is sleeping at different times from the normal. It’s just your body preparing you for what is coming!

When I was on maternity leave before baby I was awake all night tossing and turning and thinking about stuff and then took my husband to work at 7am then climbed straight back to bed until lunchtime.

For the next while you are not going to get to sleep 10pm-7am and it honestly does your body best to just go with it and grab sleep where you can.

In a way I can kind of understand where your husband is coming from, I’m not someone who has long lies and we are always out the door at 9.30 on weekends, literally cannot stand the thought of being in my bed after 7am (20 month old son is the same and has slept past 7 twice in his life). However, you are heavily pregnant and need to adjust your sleep schedule for a while and if he wants to get up and tidy and go to the gym he can feel free. Hopefully when baby arrives you can use his early rising for good and get him to take baby a walk while you get yourself ready and snooze...that would be bliss!

I would be absolutely fuming if my dh woke me up just because he felt I was lazy staying in bed while pregnant. Surely this is the time you should be making the most of being able to lay in bed until whatever time you feel like.

Whether it’s how much sleep he thinks you should have or anything else. Who the fuck does he think he is? Nobody gets to tell you what to do unless it’s your boss. Tell him the next time he wakes you, that you will wake him every time the baby wakes you all night.

Get the midwife to talk to him about the importance of you getting rest. If he still drags you up for no reason, vomit in his sock drawer/breakfast/lap/face. “Ooops, sorry, just so bloody tired.”

Sorry OP about his mother. Is his step mum the type that would think you are lazy? Some men expect their partners to be like their mothers/mother figure, and if they are the up early, neat freak types then if you're not, you're lazy. Nip it in the bud, things will get a whole lot more testing once baby comes. You will never have this time again. I was lucky to go on mat leave at 30 weeks with my first child. I would get up, do loads of jobs and cleaning, decorating etc but sleep every afternoon 2-4ish! DH was at work but he wouldn't have minded. With a second child you never get that luxury so make hay!

Honestly, he should be bringing you breakfast in bed not causing you hassle.

My dp bought a brand new TV for the bedroom precisely because I spent so much time in bed.

How the fuck in any way does he think it's acceptable or appropriate to wake an exhausted heavily pregnant woman on her days off from work?
Is he an imbecile or just incredibly self centred?

I'm with the PPs!

Seriously, tell him to naff off.

My DH did that to me once. And once only.

He should be supporting you and looking after you
It's not a good sign op

He's being a twat, tell him to fuck off.