To be devastated by TTC plans and life in general?

[Ahistoryofbees]

Name changed for this but penis beaker and cancel the cheque etc.

I don't really know how to start.

It's dawning on me that I can't afford to have a baby, sparked by a day of looking at over-priced shoeboxes. I live in London and have a shitty salary and my DP has only just graduated (mature student) so he hasn't been earning the last few years, it's all been on me and I haven't been able to save.

So I have a tiny amount of money saved from before, but not enough to even buy a one bed flat in our area. DP's job will be here so moving isn't an option for another 3 years at least as the nature of the job means he has to be within 30 minutes of work.

We sort of had this idea of TTC after he graduated as he doesn't want to be too old of a dad but it's looking impossible. We can't afford to buy a home, I don't know how we'd cope with nursery fees or one salary if I stayed at home, and I'm just so so devastated and angry that I never got myself a proper career and that I hadn't thought about the practical aspects of having a baby until this point and I just don't know what to do. I'm hiding in bed crying my eyes out because I can't see what I could do. We're stuck renting this stupid flat which gets mouldy every winter.

TiaMariaAndCoke
Agree as someone who works in NHS what does your DP do as we’re short of most graduate professionals

We had two babies whilst renting in London. Both teachers. We eventually brought a house when elder child was three. No big deal. I know plenty of people renting with kids.

I had my first while renting a one bed flat, I don't think you need a house with garden to have a baby. We have that now, but our children are practically grown up, we've moved and a fair bit of life has happened to us. I think you need to manage your expectations. We were on the bones of our arses when then kids were wee, but tinies need very little. We were much comfier later when the children were older and that is when they started costing more. In ten years you can both be working with better salaries and a ten year old child (an possible sibling). I don't see the issue.

The NHS is all over the UK, can you both not look for work elsewhere? Childcare is cheaper out of London too.

The OP refuses to the come back and state her and we OH age/age groups. The OP refuses to state her OH's NHS job.

So I can only conclude as an older mother who lives in London who incidentally had older parents with other children who also lived in London whose housing situation wasn't sorted until I was a toddler, that the OP and particularly her partner are extremely entitled.

I was raised in a rented flat, sharing a room with a sibling until I was 18. Most of the children I teach live in rented flats without gardens, it’s nithing to be devastated about!

*nothing

I’m also NHS - I can’t think of many jobs that stipulate you being 30 mins from home, with the exception of consultant doctors who are not resident on call. There is often a rule about how far away they can live and still arrive at the hospital in time to deal with an emergency. Any further away and they have to be resident whilst on call.

As your DH is a recent graduate, not well paid, and there are 60 applicants for every job, I’m confused what job he does. He can’t be a consultant. If he isn’t a nurse or a doctor, I’m assuming he’s an allied health professional. The only ones that tend to do on calls are physios. Where I work, we are desperately short of physiotherapists and I know that London hospitals/trusts are always advertising, as it doesn’t pay enough to attract people to live in the capital.

So two crucial bits of info are your actual age and the actual reason you can’t move out if London - and these two things seem central to what you are asking our opinion on?

Maybe OP was hoping for a generous benefactor to PM her....

Sure, me not wanting to be specific and out myself completely is sus and gives you the right to call me names, BlueBug45 I hope you feel better now that you've got that out of your system.

Are you offering, DorasBob?

MaggieAndHopey

However, if you started TTC now it could be two years before you return to work so perhaps that would be the time for your partner to look for positions outside London.

That might be the way to do it, we'll have to discuss it. Then I just need to find somewhere in the UK we both want to live!

Out yourself? There are 1000s of NHS workers on this site. We don’t all know each other.

It’s not unreasonable to want your own home before having children, but you can’t have it all. There are jobs outside of London, and with the NHS being spread across the country there can’t be that many jobs that you 100% have to be based there, surely? If you do, then renting is the only option; plenty of people have children outside of their own thoughts of ideal situations, and make it work. You need to decide ultimately what is more important to you, and whether it is worth a leap of faith to get there.

I think the point is, you’ve asked for an opinion but missed out the two most important bits of info. People have tried to help but you refuse to give that information.

I'm glad you're feeling better. As everyone else has said living in a rented flat is fine with a baby, that's what most people do in London I would think! We lived in a two up two down with three children till youngest was 3, he was in a cot in our room till then, and actually we had an au pair as I had to go back to work to get mortgage and she had the dining room! We are now in a five bed with a lovely garden and I'm a sahm and studying for a degree. Not everything happens at once, it takes patience, sacrifices and planning.

Can't you rent?

I can’t think of many jobs that stipulate you being 30 mins from home, with the exception of consultant doctors

I can think of loads actually.

Also, a lot of us that have tried to help have years of experience within the NHS, and are trying to help with minimal information.

I understand your aspirations for your future and all of that can still happen, in time and outside London. The first step towards that is TTC a baby and living where you are now.

I have just visited my friend in Bristol who has moved from a lovely but tiny rented one bed flat in Dulwich because the jobs she and her husband had been waiting for outside London finally came up. Baby is now 2 and they managed in the flat just fine. They are renting now but saving to buy.

I don’t see much danger of outing yourself by answering questions on DPs job and your age, given that you said you’ve namechanged for this thread.

His job surely can’t be that unusual given the size of the NHS?

And not all hospitals provide overnight accommodation for on-call staff.

I know a few people with NHS jobs who have to live within 30 mins of their hospitals because they have to do on-calls and there’s nowhere provided for them to sleep in the hospital.

Look if it's something like biomedical - it would only take a year to get his portfolio then he can apply for jobs anywhere

What other Nhs professions have to do On call 30 mins from home? Genuine question because all my family work in the NHS across a range of nurses, consultants and AHPs, myself included. Can only think of some physios and consultants.

There are plenty of two bed terraces in London for £280-£320K, some of them are really nice or could be done up, I always give a shout out for Plumstead Common - green, nice community, as safe as London gets, close to Blackheath/Greenwich, transport links really improving but not fashionable or Central. If you want to live in London on a lower salary, then you have to make compromises ie, commute or area. Not many young couples can expect to jump straight into a £400K property in a naice part of London.

Out yourself. Really??? How on earth could you do that even if you told us your age and rough location. London is so densely populated. I’m confused.