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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wanting to give my dog up

180 replies

1sunflower · 21/09/2018 23:54

Ok, so I just want to say that I love animals so all animal lovers that read this please don't write stupid stuff like( how can you choose your child over a dog) ummm yes I can.
Long story but short my OH came up with an idea 2 months ago to get a puppy so I just said ok let's do it. We have a 11months old daughter. Now when we decided to get that puppy we were both supposed to look after it. But now it's all on me. I feel guilty that I don't spend enough time with my daughter or that the dog doesn't get enough walk. I have to bath her, feed her, walk her, brush her and the list goes on. OH comes home and does f* all. I am also concerned about her behaviour As I don't get enough time to train her. I have decided to tell my partner we need to rehome the dog. It will be better for her and us, however OH does not want to hear it and keeps telling me I'm cruel and that I hate animals! He had a day off today and stayed home with the baby so I took the dog for a walk to the park. When I am on the footpath I keep the dog close on the leash so that she doesn't jump on people. But somehow she managed to jump up rather than forward and she kind of jumped on the chest of an older man that wad going by.... he lost his balance and fell on to the road... hit his head... we called the ambulance and everything was ok but it was all terrible I thought I will just sit there and cry... I just can't control her anymore and I want to give her to someone that will
Be able to spend time with her and give her attention she needs. But now my OH and his mum are in my face telling me I'm such a terrible person for wanting to give her up... are they right? Am I being cruel?

OP posts:
BMW6 · 22/09/2018 00:00

No, you do not have the right situation to give a home to this dog.
Contact Dogs Trust and get the dog rehomed to people who can give the dog what it needs.

Our dog is from a rehoming facility, I am retired so have all day every to spend with our dog.

Please don't feel guilty - you are doing the best for the dog.

Losingthewill1 · 22/09/2018 00:01

So because you didn’t put enough thought into getting a dog the poor thing gets left out.

You and your DP are at fault.

Try harder together to train the dog, it’s not the dogs fault but it seems like your just finding faults with it.

Wolfiefan · 22/09/2018 00:01

Better than keeping it and having the dog taken away and destroyed for being out of control in a public place. Under the dangerous dogs act that could happen. How big is this dog that it hit the chest of a grown adult?
You shouldn’t have taken on a puppy if you weren’t both prepared to see to its needs. Puppies need training.
If they feel so strongly then maybe they could exercise and train the dog. Or rehome the poor thing to someone who has actually got time for it. Sad

Singlenotsingle · 22/09/2018 00:02

Not talking about selling the ddog, I hope? Like another poster on here recently?

Losingthewill1 · 22/09/2018 00:03

If your OH is doing sweet f all with the dog and your family why don’t you try and speak to him about how you feel.

I agree it’s very heartless to give up a dog but it just doesn’t seem like either one of you are putting any effort into the animal

EwItsAHooman · 22/09/2018 00:04

You'll probably get a rough ride from certain people on AIBU but I think you're absolutely right to re-home your dog in these circumstances. Part of being a responsible owner is doing what is best for your animal and in this case the best thing is going to be to let her go so that she can be rehomed with someone who does have the time for her. Don't feel guilty, you've got a lot on your plate.

FYI your partner sounds like a bit of a dick and from your description of his mother, the apple didn't fall far from the tree.

Rainbowqueeen · 22/09/2018 00:04

You are not being cruel. They are being cruel. A dog is a huge huge commitment.

It needs a lot of time and attention. Which you have found out.

You are actually doing the kind loving thing by wanting to rehome your dog so she gets proper care.

Please dont feel that any of this is your fault. I would just rehome the dog and wait for your OH to notice. If you say what kind of dog it is there will be a poster who can best advise you on where to rehome.

And I would also immediately shut down any nasty comments from your OH. He is being very unfair on you and you sound like you are doing your best and have everyone's best interests at heart.

passwordfailure · 22/09/2018 00:05

OP - a dog is such a massive commitment. You were thoughtless to take on a puppy with a young baby. But the dog is still young, get in touch with a rescue and see what can be done.

EwItsAHooman · 22/09/2018 00:06

You and your DP are at fault.

The OP agreed to get a dog on the understanding that it would be a shared responsibility given that they also have a baby to take care of. I'd say the DP is more to blame here as he's the one who has dumped all responsibility onto the OP.

Losingthewill1 · 22/09/2018 00:06

Sorry but how is it not the OP fault too? They BOTH decided to take on a poor animal with needs.

But because OP is playing shit husband card and MIL trouble everyone gives free ride to just let the dog go into a rehousing place.

I feel so bad for that poor dog

ilovesooty · 22/09/2018 00:08

What breed is this dog and how big is it if it was a puppy two months ago yet is now so uncontrollable that it's injured a fully grown adult?

EwItsAHooman · 22/09/2018 00:09

Sorry but how is it not the OP fault too?

She's doing her best. She feeds it, walks it, baths it, brushes it, etc and that's on top of looking after the baby. She has limited time to train it. Maybe of the DP was stepping up to the commitment he made and doing some of the training then, between them, they would have enough time to devote to it. OP is meeting her end of the bargain as best she can, DP isn't.

dinosaurkisses · 22/09/2018 00:19

I have an 11 month old baby and am a SAHM- there’s no way I could dedicate the time and attention that she needs as well as fairly meet the demands of a puppy as well, all on my own. It wouldn’t be fair to either of them.

What’s done is done now, the important thing is doing what’s best for the dog now. YANBU to looking at rehoming responsibly- not selling.

Your DP is being a proper dick.

Popc0rn · 22/09/2018 00:27

Lose the husband, keep the dog Grin.

But seriously, if you can't control your dog when it's not fully grown yet, you need to rehome her. Having a puppy is full on, and she must be a massive breed to have knocked a guy over, probably not a good idea to have her around your child.

AllesAusLiebe · 22/09/2018 00:42

You’re all behaving pretty terribly, OP.

It makes me so fucking angry when people take on animals and didn’t think they’d have to lift a finger for their care.

Give the dog over and hopefully you haven’t caused lasting damage to this animal.

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 22/09/2018 00:43

It really does sounds as though the dog is not suitable for you as a family. Unlike a lot of people I don't agree that a dog is always for life. You could keep the dog, feed her, keep her safe, walk her when you can and all be miserable. Or you could write it off to experience, perhaps working with the breeder who sold you the pup or with a rescue and find a home where the dog will have a full and satisfying life.

My husband and I will always be grateful to the young woman who had to rehome her dog and allowed us to have him. We love him to bits and he has a great life with us. She loved him too but couldn't walk him or meet his needs.

Do what is best for the dog.

trojanpony · 22/09/2018 00:44

Yes it’s unfair on the dog, and yes you should rehome it.
Your OH sounds like a lazy shit.

You are not being cruel, you are being an adult - which is lucky for the dog because you are romantically involved with an immature selfish man child.

Ps. I expect to see you back here shortly because I guarantee he is not only an immature baby when it comes to adult responsibility pertaining to dogs - he’s selfish. So expect that to permeate every aspect of your life.

NarcolepticOuchMouse · 22/09/2018 01:01

The best thing in my opinion is to rehome the poor thing. She deserves better. That's the bottom line. It's more cruel to keep the dog as is as I imagine she's not very happy over all with how things are. Your OH and his mother can put in the work if they're that against it but it sounds like they aren't willing. It's not fair on you that your OH isn't doing his bit but ultimately it isn't fair on the dog. Your OH and his mum are the cruel ones delaying the dog finding a home she can be happy in. Please contact The Dog's Trust, they are a wonderful bunch of people and will help find her the perfect home.

alwaysiero · 22/09/2018 01:10

Get in touch with all the rescues in your area, they will be full to bursting but most will try to help and let the dog have the chance to be with owners who will give it what it needs. Next time get a stuffed toy.

FlyingMonkeys · 22/09/2018 01:15

OP what breed of dog is it? It must be huge to knock someone over as a less than 3mth pup? How often are you bathing it within the 2mth time frame you've had it? (that's not good for it's skin/coat), how many times a day are you putting down food/brushing it? (once a day?). It sounds like you both thought it would be a great idea and it turned out to be a pain in the arse? Definitely rehome it. Don't sell it. Don't buy anymore pets.

Bambamber · 22/09/2018 01:30

Sounds like re-homing the dog may be best for everyone including the dog. Imo it's cruel to keep a dog knowing you can't manage to look after properly. If the dog is being exercised and mentally stimulated enough, behaviour will always be a problem, especially if you're not going to any dog training classes or anything like that and you don't even have enough time to do proper training

Bambamber · 22/09/2018 01:31

*isn't being exercised

Akanamali · 22/09/2018 01:36

@AllesAusLiebe Read what the OP has written and stop beigg a twat.

Akanamali · 22/09/2018 01:36

Being*

FinnegansWhiskers · 22/09/2018 01:39

The dog is still a puppy. There will be lots of people who are able to give the puppy the time and love it deserves. Relinquish it to a rehoming centre so the pup can have a good quality of life, with someone who knows how to care for it.

Do not sell the poor pup on gumtree or other selling sites. You made a big mistake. Don't let the pup suffer for your mistake.

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