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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wanting to give my dog up

180 replies

1sunflower · 21/09/2018 23:54

Ok, so I just want to say that I love animals so all animal lovers that read this please don't write stupid stuff like( how can you choose your child over a dog) ummm yes I can.
Long story but short my OH came up with an idea 2 months ago to get a puppy so I just said ok let's do it. We have a 11months old daughter. Now when we decided to get that puppy we were both supposed to look after it. But now it's all on me. I feel guilty that I don't spend enough time with my daughter or that the dog doesn't get enough walk. I have to bath her, feed her, walk her, brush her and the list goes on. OH comes home and does f* all. I am also concerned about her behaviour As I don't get enough time to train her. I have decided to tell my partner we need to rehome the dog. It will be better for her and us, however OH does not want to hear it and keeps telling me I'm cruel and that I hate animals! He had a day off today and stayed home with the baby so I took the dog for a walk to the park. When I am on the footpath I keep the dog close on the leash so that she doesn't jump on people. But somehow she managed to jump up rather than forward and she kind of jumped on the chest of an older man that wad going by.... he lost his balance and fell on to the road... hit his head... we called the ambulance and everything was ok but it was all terrible I thought I will just sit there and cry... I just can't control her anymore and I want to give her to someone that will
Be able to spend time with her and give her attention she needs. But now my OH and his mum are in my face telling me I'm such a terrible person for wanting to give her up... are they right? Am I being cruel?

OP posts:
longwayoff · 22/09/2018 12:32

Rehome the dog. Think about rehoming DP.

Louislovesmud · 22/09/2018 12:37

What are you going to do about your OH? He sounds like a an absolute bell-end.

If he's not willing to step up and you can't do more then rehoming sounds like the only real option. The Edwards Foundation is a charity that focus on bulldog rescues/rehoming so could potentially help you you find a suitable family.

Haireverywhere · 22/09/2018 12:37

I wish you both had thought it through more too, sounds like a purchase on a whim not a life and pet to raise. Talk to your partner about all this again then if he remains disinterested I think you have to rehome the dog. If you have no time to train or walk this dog better to rehome now. I know you didn't post about your relationship but he sounds like he's not a great partner.

Dieu · 22/09/2018 12:44

I'm another one without much sympathy for the OP. There has been a lack of intelligence and maturity in the decision-making to date.

OP, I understand that you are in an invidious situation now, and am sorry for that. But why on earth get into it in the first place? (large breed/young toddler/limited time (although should be doable as a SAHM of one)/unhelpful partner, etc).

Did you really not see in advance how it was going to pan out?

KnotsInMay · 22/09/2018 12:46

OP, you absolutely have to give the dog up.

If you haven’t the time (of course you haven’t, with a tiny, becjmkng mobile, child) and your DP hasn’t the inclination to train your dog then the next time it jumps up it could seriously injure your child.

It could develop behaviours even worse than knocking people over.

Your DP and MIL are first class idiots if they can’t see this and won’t put the safety of your child first.

Re-home the dog via a reliable rescue facility before damage is done.

Though this was pretty out of order comment “ut it upsets me that someone here says that because of people like me she has to rehome the dog in dogs trust or a shelter. Well that's what you are there for first of all ” Volunteers and charities should not have to mop up after idiots like your DP,

But since they do, use one. Don’t pass the dig in to the next idiotic friend of your DP or MIL.

Good luck.

Oysterbabe · 22/09/2018 12:54

YANBU.
I'd get rid of it if I were in your shoes too.

rookiemere · 22/09/2018 12:56

I read your other thread.
Definitely give up the dog and ideally use a rescue . If you won't do that, then be very careful if you give it to a friend that you know how he will be looked after, and if you do sell then charge some money to try to ensure it goes to a genuine home.

Bad timing, poor choice of breed and your H let you down by doing nothing. You need to be in a position to support yourself financially going forward and Ddog is going to be a barrier to that.

We got a puppy a couple of months ago. I was not keen but got DH and DS to sign up to a contract so that DH - who was keenest- does the majority of the work. Also DS is 12 so able to help. DH has so far been really good about keeping his part of the bargain and rookiepup is growing on me, but no way he would have come through the threshold when DS was a baby or if I'd have been expected to be primary carer.

KnotsInMay · 22/09/2018 12:57

OP, yes, you are doing the right thing by recognising that you can’t and mustn’t keep the dog given that your DP has reneged on his part of the deal.

But since you are set on doing the right thing, please, please do use a re-homing service and not do it privately. Unless you know of a proven responsible, experienced dog owner who is desperate for the dog.

NutElla5x · 22/09/2018 12:59

You only have one child and you and your OH can't manage the needs of a dog between you?My God what a useless pair.Your OH works so it's not like you didn't know the lion's share of the dog care would be down to you so you should have said no in the first place.Poor dog.

Lynne1Cat · 22/09/2018 12:59

I think you should give the puppy up...not because it's too much for you to deal with, or that you are finding things difficult - but for the sake of a young animal that has left the comfort and care of its mother and siblings, and one that NEEDS an experienced owner who has lots of time, patience and understanding of a puppy's needs.

flowerythorns · 22/09/2018 13:00

Sorry you're getting a hard time.

Pls don't rehome an unneutered bull female for free by yourself.

It'll be a backyard breeders dream Sad

TatterdemalionAspie · 22/09/2018 13:04

Of course you need to rehome the dog - it deserves much better than the life it's got with you. Please please please give it to a reputable rescue and DO NOT give it away or sell it. It is a prime breed for people with really shitty motives.

Focus on your child and getting away from your shit of a husband, and please don't get another dog until you can actually give one what it needs.

Original poster
1sunflower · 22/09/2018 13:13

She has been neutered, and ofcourse I wouldn't just give her to the first person that comes up. Just because I can't manage doesn't mean I don't care about this dog. Some of you need to k ow that untrained dog can be a very big problem and if she won't get that, next time she jumps on someone and something serious happens she will be put down by police as that's what they live to do. So please stop criticising and thing of a long term.

OP posts:
hamburgers · 22/09/2018 13:17

Oh for fuck sake OP.

You and your OH obviously planned, researched, and discussed in detail what getting a puppy entails. I'm sure you extensively researched breeds, met breeders, came up with a shared responsibility plan with your OH etc Hmm

Your OH works so when he says he will share the load, when exactly did you think he would help out?

Your decision to get an American bulldog is so shortsighted it's actually disgusting. You should have never agreed to get a dog. I feel sorry for your puppy but I do agree with you you should rehome the poor animal.

And just FYI plenty of women, myself included, deal with babies and dogs while being SAHMs.

User9870 · 22/09/2018 13:18

How old was the dog when you got it? If you got 2 months ago and it was a small pup when You got it then it is going to get bigger and stronger.if you cannot control it now then it's going to be harder when fully grown. Explain this to DH.

A halti or similar can help you control a big dog. Our last dog was 45kg of muscle and even I could walk him while pushing a pram too. It was a godsend.

DH needs to help train him or agree to re-home. A dog needs everyone on board and on the same page... seriously you give them an inch they take a mile!!!!

Please do not rehome by advertising free to a good home as he could end up as bait for dog fighting, etc.... If you can, then go through a rehome centre then they can vet people.

Kisskiss · 22/09/2018 13:18

Get your dh to take her to Puppy classes or a dog trainer. If neither of you can be bothered to do this then you are both unreasonable as you jointly decided to get this dog and it’s your joint responsibility.
Yes I can see how hard it is to have a baby and a puppy all at once but you chose to do that ( not the dog) and the poor thing is the one suffering the consequences..

Original poster
1sunflower · 22/09/2018 13:22

hamburgers
Well for instance I thought he would walk her before or after walk, feed her in the morning and evening and spend time with her during weekend, but he doesn't even do that and I'm sorry but no one works 24/7. Well that's great that you manage and stuff but I don't hun and I think that's ok to admit... have a lovely day.

OP posts:
Original poster
1sunflower · 22/09/2018 13:23

Work*

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 22/09/2018 13:24

He does nothing around rhe house etc but you thought he would commit to caring for a puppy? Are you on glue?

Aeroflotgirl · 22/09/2018 13:24

You diden't give much thought into getting a dog, for something that will be with you for 18 years, only now you are finding out how hard it is, and your partner is not pulling his weight. If he is not prepared to put in the work to, it seems too much for you, need to rehome him, and not get another dog until you have really thought through about it and you are older.

rookiemere · 22/09/2018 13:25

I think blaming OP for taking her H at his word is weird.

My DH works (as do I) but manages to get up early to walk and feed dog in the morning and then take him for another walk in the evening. It's not that strange.

Also it's clear that OP has made a mistake. Haranguing her or calling her stupid is not going to improve the situation.

Original poster
1sunflower · 22/09/2018 13:26

User9870
She was 4 months when we got her. Yes I know walking a dog with a pram is nice but with her I really can't do it. The minute she sees people she runs to them pulls me , I pull the buggy and it's all really bad.... 8 don't exaggerate she jumps like to people's face.... just like she did to this poor old men.

OP posts:
WineGummyBear · 22/09/2018 13:28

OP what an awful situation.

You have had some sensible suggestions on how to go about rehoming the dog.

Original poster
1sunflower · 22/09/2018 13:28

Wolfiefan how can i know he will not keep his word? If I knew I wouldn't get a dog would I??? So silly for you to write crap like that.

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 22/09/2018 13:29

I would go for The Dogs Trust, or a local rescue. Don't offer on Gumtree, Facebook or anything like that. Take your time to Rehome her.

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