To wanting to give my dog up

[1sunflower]

Ok, so I just want to say that I love animals so all animal lovers that read this please don't write stupid stuff like( how can you choose your child over a dog) ummm yes I can.
Long story but short my OH came up with an idea 2 months ago to get a puppy so I just said ok let's do it. We have a 11months old daughter. Now when we decided to get that puppy we were both supposed to look after it. But now it's all on me. I feel guilty that I don't spend enough time with my daughter or that the dog doesn't get enough walk. I have to bath her, feed her, walk her, brush her and the list goes on. OH comes home and does f* all. I am also concerned about her behaviour As I don't get enough time to train her. I have decided to tell my partner we need to rehome the dog. It will be better for her and us, however OH does not want to hear it and keeps telling me I'm cruel and that I hate animals! He had a day off today and stayed home with the baby so I took the dog for a walk to the park. When I am on the footpath I keep the dog close on the leash so that she doesn't jump on people. But somehow she managed to jump up rather than forward and she kind of jumped on the chest of an older man that wad going by.... he lost his balance and fell on to the road... hit his head... we called the ambulance and everything was ok but it was all terrible I thought I will just sit there and cry... I just can't control her anymore and I want to give her to someone that will
Be able to spend time with her and give her attention she needs. But now my OH and his mum are in my face telling me I'm such a terrible person for wanting to give her up... are they right? Am I being cruel?

Op, regardless of the circumstances and the (bad) decision to get this lovely dog, I think you have at least recognised that the dog won't get the care it needs and therefore become a happy member of your family.

Dogs need much more care and time than many people realise beforehand. I feel utterly trapped by mine at times, but she has a fantastic life and is walked and played with much of the day (I'm worn out!). She's a rescue lab though (easy going but needy), so she's with me for good and will never be rehomed again. She's never left with anyone else apart from DH and I don't leave her for more than 2 hours and that's only once every couple of weeks.

In light of the bad judgement (not having a go at you) from both you and your OH, please take the dog to a suitable rescue centre (preferably Dogs Trust) rather than try to rehome him yourself. You've already made one bad decision, please please don't make another. You absolutely cannot advertise your dog free to a good home - it simply won't be a good one, whatever they say or appear to be.

You’ve had lots of dogs but didn’t realise an American bulldog pup would be hard work? Yeah right

Take the dog to a responsible rescue ASAP, do not even think about rehoming her yourself that’s a ridiculous idea

And never get another animal

You think that rehoming the dog yourself is better than giving it to dogs trust?

Of course it would be something like an American Bulldog, great puppy to choose when you have little time.

my OH came up with an idea 2 months ago to get a puppy so I just said ok let's do it

These are not the actions of someone who loves animals. They are the actions of someone who finds them cute. Not someone who loves them.

"My OH came up with an idea 2 months ago to get a puppy so I just said don't be so fucking ridiculous we have no time for a puppy and you are a lazy arse who never does anything to help"

These are the actions of someone who loves animals. The actions of someone who loves animals also involves handing this large and powerful breed to a professional organisation who can assess and rehome her properly (The Dogs Trust, for example).

The bigger problem here is her breed.

Rescues are crammed full of this type. Yes you could try to re home her yourself, but you won't have many lovely families stepping forward to take her.

Like it or not, she is a status dog and will attract all the wrong type of attention from potential new owners.

I would find a breed specific rescue. That's her best chance at finding a suitable home.

because of people like me she has to rehome the dog in dogs trust or a shelter. Well that's what you are there for first of all. Yes, however we wouldn’t need so much provision for unwanted animals if people engaged brain before deciding to get cute puppies that, somewhat remarkably, grow into big dogs. These resources are incredibly stretched at the best of times and that’s what has irritated me about your post.

and secondly you don't know my situation so how dare you to judge. I know what you’ve decided to share on an Internet forum through which one generally asks others for their opinion. I’ve given you mine, it conflicts with yours. That’s the way discussion sometimes goes.

I actually think that you should work at this to train the dog and shouldn’t give up so easily. I can’t see what’s difficult about having a young child and getting out during the day to walk your dog. Fresh air is good for you.

If you do decide to give the dog up, which it sounds as though you have and you’ve posted here in search of validation, please take the poor animal to a rehoming centre to ensure that it is rehomed responsibly this time and never get another.

If your husband wont rehome it, id move out

Give the dog to a breed rescue; it's his best chance

and NEVER own another dog

That poor man who your dog knocked into the road could have died if a car had been coming.

AllesAusLiebe
I don't know which part of the post you are not understanding. I just told you she jumps on people and almost killed older person. Yes I did have her on the short leash but she jumped up in the air and she's a have dog so how could I hold her. Now if you have any sense you would know walking such a dog with a buggie is not a smart idea, won't explain why I will let you figure that out yourself since you are so smart. And yes I had plenty of dogs and had loads of time for them when I was alone without a child, and plus my DP said he will be helping so how could I know it will be different. Now when you will have a child and a puppy we can have this discussion again about why is it so hard. Puppy needs time, attention, training and I can't give that to her. I didn't ask on the forum for people like you to tell me I'm unreasonable because I can't managed but if I am unreasonable that I want a better life for that dog than my selfish OH does.

I find this Mumsnet thing of “once you have a dog you have to keep it for life or you are an evil person” ridiculous, unfair, unkind and unrealistic. We have our lovely dog because her original owners’ circumstances changed in ways they could not possibly have imagined, and, although they could have kept her, it would have been incredibly difficult, stressful and expensive. So she came to us. We cannot see into the future.

Oh look, another case of an irresponsible person treating an animal like a commodity, choosing a breed based on their preference rather than what would fit with their situation, and then passing the buck off when things go wrong. This is a living, breathing creature. It probably is better off that you regime th dog because then it might have a shot at having a decent home. However, make no mistake here, OP, you can’t take the kudos there for doing the “right thing” in the end. Don’t ever adopt w dog again.

Rehoming the dog is obviously the right thing to do.

Clearly, as you have now realised, you should never have got the dog. And your partner sounds like a lazy feckless idiot.

But why on earth did you get such a big dog? Surely you must have thought about the ability to control a large dog plus manage a young child?

@1sunflower

You had the child before getting the dog, though? You really must’ve known what a commitment this was. That’s done now so it’s pointless going over.

I haven’t told you anything about my personal circumstances. For all you know, I could have a menagerie and six kids.

I also think you have been given some great advice earlier on the thread as to how to manage training. I’m guessing that sounds too much like hard work. Can’t you leave the child with your partner while you take the dog out and work on training? If you’re at home during the day, surely you can afford some time to work on how your dog responds to you so you have more control when you’re out?

It sounds as though you’ve made up your mind so I’ve no idea why you bothered asking for advice.

I'm pragmatic in these sort of situations.

The organisation I work for works with families being reunited with children in care. One of our mums has just had baby returned to her care. Her dog was lovely and had helped her in the time she was separated from her baby. However, the SW were concerned about risk and following a risk assessment, the dog had to be rehomed. A working dog breed that was lovely yet lively.

We contacted a breed specific shelter whom worked with us and for a donation, the dog has now been rehomed with a wonderful family whom were checked by the shelter.

OP, I understand your position, however, I see people getting dogs without fully understanding what they're taking on. Dogs are part of society and with that comes responsibility. I think the right course of action here is to contact a shelter, offer a donation and ensure all the paperwork is up to date.

You also need to sit the OH down and explain to him, firmly that this situation cannot go on. In the best interests of your family and the dog, make the right decision .
I'm a dog owner, I put time into my dog, it is not my child, it is our family pet and we care for him as it was a family decision to take him on. You can learn from this too. Decision-making skills can be developed from this. It was an irresponsible decision and it can be made right.

It sounds like your husband has really let you down.

I know you will probably be upset about rehoming the dog, but you seem to be the only responsible person in the relationship, so do whatever you have to do to get your peace back. If you think it’s best for the dog, then you should definitely do that.

Good luck.

That's what rescues are there for Jesus effing christ

They're ran on donations from people who understand that as long as people like you exist, they have to. They're full of sad, devastated dogs that were once cute puppies dedicated and loving their owners who then realised dogs aren't just cute, they're demanding and tying and a commitment and need training and companionship. They're there because of people like you.

I despair. I can't argue with this much idiot.

We got a re homed puppy last year, she was 5 months old. The original owner got her and her brother and they were too much work. She's as lovely and as happy as can be, and doesn't appear to be at all "traumatised" by the situation.

If you are going to re home your dog do it now before she gets any older. Things don't always work out and that ok.

FWIW our dogs are pugs who also seem to get a hard time on Mumsnet.

You need to rehome the dog op. You have made a big mistake but no-one has died - only been injured up til now. Try to focus upon the helpful posts, not the angry dog martyr ones which offer nothing other than recrimination and move forward.

I have taken on two rehomes in the past three years because the owner's circumstances had radically changed through no fault of her own. To think of her receiving some of the responses on here is just awful. Yes, they are wilful and needy but they are joyful, happy little dogs who are intelligent and sensitive and deserve a nice loving home.

Men seem to like the American bulldog type dogs then do not like the reality. It is going to make rehoming much harder for you and I urge you to contact a shelter because you do not want your dog going to another inexperienced owner or worse (bait dog etc).

Labs and cocker spaniels, well yes, you may get a positive private outcome but not this breed of which I have a bit of experience via a relative. Loving, bouncy dog but such hard work. Do not let your dh and mil emotionally blackmail you. Perhaps you might like to suggest she has the dog? You cannot cope, you at least have had the honesty to admit it and he needs to support your decision because he certainly isn't supporting the dog.

The man your dog hurt, well I hope he is okay. You have been very lucky the police have not become involved and you could have ended up in court.

@BertrandRussell

I completely understand that circumstances change and you’re right that sometimes it’s simply beyond anyone’s control when a dog has to be rehomed.

My issue with the OP is that her circumstances weren’t appropriate to introduce an animal but she did it anyway, probably because puppies are ‘cute’. She already had a child and apparently has owned dogs before so should be in a position to have made a more informed choice.

Either way, the dog will be easier to rehome if she puts a little bit of work in now with some training.

I think in your circumstances an older dog, one that was used to children and already trained but in a rescue centre through no fault of its own would have had better results.

I had my dog from a puppy. She was 7 years old, and well trained when I had dc. She would walk on a leash along side the pram and was at that age a much calmer dog.

Noodge absolutely spot on.

I think you absolutely need to rehome this dog. Via a proper, breed specific rescue, please don't attempt to do it yourself.

A large, untrained dog that you admit yourself you cannot control, that has already injured someone, in a home with a small child is a tragedy waiting to happen.

www.bulliesinneed.info/

"Now if you have any sense you would know walking such a dog with a buggie is not a smart idea, won't explain why I will let you figure that out yourself since you are so smart."

Umm..........

Walking a large, powerful dog with a buggy is perfectly doable- as long as the owner puts the time and effort in to properly train the dog.

You have stated you do not have the time to train the dog. Do the right thing and rehome through a breed specific rescue or Dogs Trust. Your dog deserves owners who have time for him.

Do not give your dog away for free. You have no idea who you would be giving it to and what they have lined up for the dog. The best you can do is rehome it to a re-homing centre where it will receive regular walks, basic training and it's future owner will be vetted as to their suitability to own a dog.

I'm not saying this is your fault OP. You can't cope. You know it has to be rehomed. Just be sensible and give your dog the best chance of a happy future.

One of the worst possible breeds to rehome too. Please go through a reputable breed rescue and not a private rehome as these are so likely to be passed from idiot to idiot as some sort of stupid status symbol.