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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To only pay for vegan food at my wedding?

999 replies

ClaraBanana7 · 21/09/2018 14:52

Haven't set a date yet, but it'll be in around 2 years so it's not right around the corner or anything, but DP and I are both vegans. Neither of us have a problem with other people eating animal products, I don't think I've ever even brought up veganism unless I'm at a restaurant and need to order because I really hate confrontation and I've seen/heard so many cruel and horrible things being said to vegans. That said, we don't want to pay for the guests to be served animal products at our wedding.
Some of my friends think it's unfair and that restaurants etc are pandering to the vegan 'fad' (even though I've been vegan all my life) so I should cater to everyone's dietary requirements. I told them I was considering putting a meat option on the catering form, but that whoever picked it would have to pay for it themselves as I really don't want to give my own money towards that industry. But, my friends also think it's unfair that some people have to pay and others don't.
DP doesn't want to have an animal product option at all, and tbh I would also prefer this, but I want a way of not isolating people who can't go a meal without eating animal products.

OP posts:
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Leeds2 · 21/09/2018 14:58

Personally, I would provide a vegan meal for all and not serve any meat/animal products. It is ridiculous if people are genuinely saying that they cannot last one meal without meat and also, I think, a little rude to be telling you what should be on your wedding menu. I also think it would look very odd to have an option where people had to pay for their own meal at a wedding (even if a free alternative was available).

I am a meat eater, if that is relevant.

Confusedbeetle · 21/09/2018 14:58

I think you are being ludicrously Bridezilla here. Do you want your friends to celebrate your marriage, or just be the party audience. You really should get over yourself and have half a dozen friends at the registry office. You do not ask a wedding guest to pay for their food. What sort of a host are you? I think you will find a whole load of people don't want to come. Serve a vegan only meal if you want. Not sure if you would like to go to a wedding where only meat is served

anotherangel2 · 21/09/2018 14:58

I would just serve up vegan food tbh. I say this as an occasional meat eater.

Catering to everyone’s requirements means making sure you meet people’s religious/allergy/intolerances. No one needs to have meat in every people.

My DD has a dairy allergy and I was very happy for the vegan fab as it means she has many more options when eating out.

itbemay · 21/09/2018 14:59

I would take away the option and just pay for everyone's meals but choose a vegan menu. jobs a goodun!. I't wont hurt for everyone to not eat meat for one meal surely?! - it's your wedding so your 'terms'
All the best

WhiteKnuckleRide · 21/09/2018 14:59

YABU to expect meat eating guests to pay for their own meal at your wedding. How would you feel if you were invited to a wedding and were asked to pay to have a vegan meal? Either pay for it all, or just have a vegan menu but expect a lot of people not to turn up.

anotherangel2 · 21/09/2018 15:00

That should have been every meal not every people.

villainousbroodmare · 21/09/2018 15:00

Have a vegan menu.

nornironrock · 21/09/2018 15:01

I will happily cater to anyone's dietary requirements who will also cater to mine. I don't think it's asking much for others to do the same.

Expecting everyone to adhere to you own views on how food is consumed is not very welcoming.

TheLionRoars1110 · 21/09/2018 15:02

Have a vegan menu. End of. If they don't like it they can decline.

TheOneWith · 21/09/2018 15:02

Wow it’s going to be a looooong two years.

You haven’t even set a date yetConfused and you’re already banging on about wedding food for your not yet existent wedding, and pissing off your friends by telling them they will have to pay for their own meal.

I wouldn’t worry too much OP, if you’re like this before a date is even set I doubt there’re will be many people clamouring to attend.

butterybean · 21/09/2018 15:02

Definitely serve up incredible vegan food. It's only a day and if people are that desperate they will have a massive fry up before hand.

You might even convert people. It's your wedding, showcase your food loves and I'm sure people will be impressed. Vegan cake too XX

I'm an occasional meat and dairy eater that also has a catering business and have seen a few vegan weddings go down really well. I would definitely say to feed people quite frequently with a variety of things to make sure no one is peckish.

DitchingTheDye · 21/09/2018 15:03

Would people really not turn up if it was a vegan menu?! I'd find it very intriguing! I have no intention of ever being vegan but I'm open to trying new things.

bakingdemon · 21/09/2018 15:04

Have a vegan menu - but make sure there's enough food! We once went to a vegetarian wedding and had to stop for a kebab on the way home as there just wasn't enough to eat. I would hate to send people home feeling hungry, whatever the menu.

Peanutbuttershake · 21/09/2018 15:05

I think it's perfectly fine to serve only vegan food. Just because someone eats meat doesn't mean they can't eat a plant-based meal too, whereas the reverse isn't applicable i.e. vegans don't eat meat products at all.

ConsiderHerWaysAndOthers · 21/09/2018 15:05

Don’t ask people to pay, don’t serve food you morally object to. End of. Do a vegan menu for all. A buffet with lots of choices and stuff no one objects to like pasta, bread, salad etc would work well. You also don’t need to explain your menu choice to your friends. Especially if the wedding is 2+ years away!

roley · 21/09/2018 15:05

It's your wedding and so I'd say just have a full vegan menu. I'm a meat eater and would not mind that at all (would actually be interested in trying everything). I think it's wrong to offer a meat option and insist people pay for themselves but if a friend of mine was vegan and getting married I would probably just expect the menu to be vegan as that's your choice

roley · 21/09/2018 15:06

*their choice

honeysucklejasmine · 21/09/2018 15:06

If people can't cope without animal products for one day they've got issues.

I wouldn't even mention it, just provide the menu. People will notice it's vegetarian (i.e. not meat) but few will notice it's vegan. Whereas if you tell people it's vegan, you'll get nasty comments.

Fwiw I'm not vegan but I eat a lot of vegan food due to ds' allergies (dairy and egg) and it's not a trial at all. It's tasty!

happymummy12345 · 21/09/2018 15:06

I would not want to eat a vegan or even vegetarian meal tbh. I would come but happily skip the meal of that was all that was offered.
How would you feel if someone refused to cater for you? You should accommodate all guests.

Ellisandra · 21/09/2018 15:06

I got married last year and had 3 choices on my menu - 2 meat and 1 vegan.
It was catering van service and I asked my caterer to make 1/3 of each dish.
Only 5/100 guests were vegetarian or vegan. I upped the vegan dish numbers because it was a good dish.
Just pick decent food.

You CANNOT tell people to pay for choices!!! Shock

PinkHeart5914 · 21/09/2018 15:07

What a terrible wedding it would be if you didn’t feed all your guest! It would be remembered for a long time for the wrong reasons....

I’d serve everyone a vegan meal, I do eat meat but I do eat other things too as do most meat eaters and some vegan food is nice

serbska · 21/09/2018 15:07

Just have a 100% vegan menu, no meat option

NewGrandad · 21/09/2018 15:07

Vegans expect to be catered for but don't expect meat eaters to be catered for?

It is ridiculous if people are genuinely saying that they cannot last one meal without meat

Similarly it is ridiculous if people are genuinely saying that they cannot eat one meal with meat.

Original poster
ClaraBanana7 · 21/09/2018 15:07

@Confusedbeetle If I didn't make it clear in my first post, eating animal products and indirectly causing suffering to billions of farm animals as well as contributing heavily to climate change is something that I strongly disagree with despite many many others being okay with it. There is absolutely no way I'd pay for it, but I recognise that some people do want to eat meat and dairy and are strongly against veganism, and therefore figured the best way to include them is to have an option where they can pay for their own meal so I don't have that on my conscience.
However, you are right that I should just have people to celebrate my wedding and so I think I'll agree with the other responses and take away the option entirely. After all, we're all omnivores, no one needs meat at every single meal.

OP posts:
SmallBee · 21/09/2018 15:07

Just go full vegan. I am a very enthusiastic meat eater but I would be very happy to eat vegan, especially at a wedding. I'd view it as an opportunity to broaden my horizons without the bother of having to meal plan or cook. Its not like guests would normally chose their food at a wedding anyway.

Tbh its a bit pathetic if people can't manage a day without animal products, what do they think will happen to them?

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