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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To only pay for vegan food at my wedding?

999 replies

ClaraBanana7 · 21/09/2018 14:52

Haven't set a date yet, but it'll be in around 2 years so it's not right around the corner or anything, but DP and I are both vegans. Neither of us have a problem with other people eating animal products, I don't think I've ever even brought up veganism unless I'm at a restaurant and need to order because I really hate confrontation and I've seen/heard so many cruel and horrible things being said to vegans. That said, we don't want to pay for the guests to be served animal products at our wedding.
Some of my friends think it's unfair and that restaurants etc are pandering to the vegan 'fad' (even though I've been vegan all my life) so I should cater to everyone's dietary requirements. I told them I was considering putting a meat option on the catering form, but that whoever picked it would have to pay for it themselves as I really don't want to give my own money towards that industry. But, my friends also think it's unfair that some people have to pay and others don't.
DP doesn't want to have an animal product option at all, and tbh I would also prefer this, but I want a way of not isolating people who can't go a meal without eating animal products.

OP posts:

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BrownPaperTeddy · 22/09/2018 15:26

However, if my friend was getting married and chose a vegan menu then I wouldn't even dream of wanting an alternative.
My friend getting married and celebrating their day would be far more important to me than the meal they chose to serve.
Equally the same for vegetarians or vegans then? Why do they ask for different meals at weddings (incidentally the vegan meal at my wedding cost more because it was made individually)? Why isn't just attending more important?

bengalcat · 22/09/2018 15:26

It's your wedding do what you like - i wouldn't be bothered if I had two vegan friends marrying who served up a vegan menu .

SalemBlackCat · 22/09/2018 15:26

Johndoe10 You are missing the point. It is the political/'ethical' agenda being forced down people's throats. You and others continually avoid answering this, but I will try one last time.

If a vegan went to a wedding where only meat was served, would they eat it or not? And if meat eaters continually make allowances for vegans, why can't vegans for the meat-eaters? Why is it only ONE way?

Debfronut · 22/09/2018 15:26

And if the OP is going to have a vegan wedding she will have to check all the drink served is vegan and make the guests aware. My SIL bar was more expensive because the beer etc was all vegan. When they nipped out for food the guests bought bottles of wine back in with them too.

User12879923378 · 22/09/2018 15:27

I can't actually face reading the whole of this thread so I'll just tell you what I think, which is that if I were one of your friends I would be perfectly happy to come and celebrate your wedding with you over a vegan meal.

I would not expect you to put on a meat option and I wouldn't be offended at all to be told that I could order something else from the bar (or whatever) but would have to pay for it myself.

Spoken as an enthusiastic carnivore.

madpotter7257 · 22/09/2018 15:28

SalemBlackCat Do you talk the same way to people who eat Halal meat, or other food choices based on their personal beliefs? Your bigoted intolerance is breathtaking. I think it highly unlikely that anybody who is a vegan would ever invite you to anything so you really have nothing to worry about.

As background, my daughter was bullied for 2 years at school for being a vegan, despite her trying her hardest to never mention it.

overagain · 22/09/2018 15:29

If any friends refuse to come to your wedding because of the menu, then they aren't really friends.

For a friend's wedding you'll usually put up with a lot!

Johndoe10 · 22/09/2018 15:29

John Venus - vegan body builder and trainer. What a guy 😁

To only pay for vegan food at my wedding?

giveyourselfashiny3 · 22/09/2018 15:29

So intrigued to see an example of Salem's dinner....

Merename · 22/09/2018 15:30

Thankfully this mad thread will be full soon!

SalemBlackCat · 22/09/2018 15:30

Equally the same for vegetarians or vegans then? Why do they ask for different meals at weddings (incidentally the vegan meal at my wedding cost more because it was made individually)? Why isn't just attending more important?

No matter how many different people ask this, they can never answer it, nor will ever answer it. I've given up expecting or hoping for them to explain their selfish one-way views.

Bluelady · 22/09/2018 15:30

Salem, became they don't want to use their money to finance an industry they believe to be immoral. It's very simple.

Claudia84 · 22/09/2018 15:32

Salem: let’s say someone served you a jacket potato and beans for lunch. Are they forcing a political/ ethical agenda down your throat?

SalemBlackCat · 22/09/2018 15:32

madpotter7257 if your child is anything like you, and your self-righteous arrogance, then I wouldn't be surprised. None of your ilk will answer the simple question that is at the heart of this. And we know why. Because you can't. You know you are being unreasonable. Perhaps it is the lack of nutrition that is the cause of your breath-taking arrogance and ignorance.

BrownPaperTeddy · 22/09/2018 15:32

Can I take from this then that at any future party I have I don't need to ask if anyone would like a vegetarian option?

I just serve the food that I want and anyone that doesn't want it has the option just to leave it? Because they are there only for the purpose of celebrating my event and nothing else.

Excellent. Less hassle for me organising different meals.

MrsG010814 · 22/09/2018 15:33

@bluelady who said I would do that? I have no issues with vegans at all. My point was you should cater for everyone regardless of what your beliefs or choices are. Being a meat eater does not make you unethical the same as being a vegan doesn't make you ethical.

giveyourselfashiny3 · 22/09/2018 15:34

Salem and Teddy- shut up you ignorant, embarrassing pair of twonks.

Akanamali · 22/09/2018 15:34

This is what I have been trying to say but people on here conveniently ignore the point. Selfishness appears to be the hallmark of vegans

Except the vast majority of posters saying 'go vegan' are meat eaters. You're being hysterical. And an idiot.

Bluelady · 22/09/2018 15:34

It does to a vegan.

jaynelovesagathachristie · 22/09/2018 15:35

Wow some responses here, if people don't like the vegan only dishes they can not go, it's you and your husbands day you choose the meal. You're not force feeding them anything, they will know in advance and they can make they're own decisions.

BrownPaperTeddy · 22/09/2018 15:35

Salem: let’s say someone served you a jacket potato and beans for lunch. Are they forcing a political/ ethical agenda down your throat?

I'm guessing that if they served that with a preface of "this is a vegan lunch" then you could argue there was a political or ethical message.

Are baked beans vegan given that sugar was disclosed as being not vegan upthread?

SalemBlackCat · 22/09/2018 15:35

Bluelady, their misguided belief is no reason to push that same misguided belief down other's throats. Someone above mentioned intolerance. I had to chuckle at the front that person had. Not wanting to cater to your host is the height of intolerance. It is selfishness, bigotry and intolerance personified.

madpotter7257 · 22/09/2018 15:35

You have been told many times why, but as you seem to have trouble understanding...

"If a vegan went to a wedding where only meat was served, would they eat it or not?"

No, vegans do not eat meat.

"And if meat eaters continually make allowances for vegans, why can't vegans for the meat-eaters?"

Because meat eaters can still eat vegetables, pasta, potato and all things vegans eat.

" Why is it only ONE way?"
See above. And it isn't. Almost everywhere caters to meat eaters, not so for vegans. This is her own fucking wedding and you aren't invited, I imagine her own friends will be slightly more tolerant, like the majority of the meat eaters on this thread.

Bluelady · 22/09/2018 15:36

OK Salem. No arguing with stupid. Or bigoted.

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