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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To only pay for vegan food at my wedding?

999 replies

ClaraBanana7 · 21/09/2018 14:52

Haven't set a date yet, but it'll be in around 2 years so it's not right around the corner or anything, but DP and I are both vegans. Neither of us have a problem with other people eating animal products, I don't think I've ever even brought up veganism unless I'm at a restaurant and need to order because I really hate confrontation and I've seen/heard so many cruel and horrible things being said to vegans. That said, we don't want to pay for the guests to be served animal products at our wedding.
Some of my friends think it's unfair and that restaurants etc are pandering to the vegan 'fad' (even though I've been vegan all my life) so I should cater to everyone's dietary requirements. I told them I was considering putting a meat option on the catering form, but that whoever picked it would have to pay for it themselves as I really don't want to give my own money towards that industry. But, my friends also think it's unfair that some people have to pay and others don't.
DP doesn't want to have an animal product option at all, and tbh I would also prefer this, but I want a way of not isolating people who can't go a meal without eating animal products.

OP posts:

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crochetmonkey74 · 21/09/2018 15:22

I went to a Vegan wedding of dear friends and the food including the cakes were AMAZING.
It won't hurt anyone to eat Vegan for a day.

Xiaoxiong · 21/09/2018 15:22

I'm not veggie or vegan myself, but we went to a wedding last year which was all vegan and TBH DH and I didn't even notice until the bride asked me a few weeks later if we'd liked the food! They didn't mention it and it was a complete non-issue.

We had a trio of puff pastry tartlets to start, then a stack of veggies and polenta (I assume made with olive oil not cheese) with a red pepper sauce, and finally a summer pudding with coconut ice cream. Then cake and a tonne of booze

Anyone who comes along to a three course sit-down meal paid for by the bride & groom and says "where's the meat" is extremely rude.

mishfish · 21/09/2018 15:22

At my wedding we had 3 vegans. I paid for them to have a vegan cake. It didn’t occur to me to ask them to contribute to it just because their dietary choices aren’t the same as ours.

To be honest I think most people would be fine attending a wedding with a vegan menu. Just provide a vegan only menunans let the guests decide for themselves if they’d like to attend/ sneak in a chicken sarnie

starcrossedseahorse · 21/09/2018 15:22

Just go vegan only and make the food utterly delicious so that you convert a few more people!

Also why tell people? Win them over with gorgeous food on the day and don't make a big deal about it.

LagunaBubbles · 21/09/2018 15:22

But...there are people who don’t like lentils or chickpeas or tofu. And those that find a vegan meal very unsatisfying. They either won’t come or will grumble and starve

Yes I agree with this. I would go but would probably have to pop out later and get something to eat. Obviously I wouldn't make a big deal about this but if it was my wedding I would hate to think I wasnt catering for all my guests.

Thurmanmurman · 21/09/2018 15:22

I hate to break it to you, but this sort of attitude is why vegans get so much stick. Just serve vegan food but you absolutely should not offer a meat option and try and charge for it.

Juells · 21/09/2018 15:23

I was at a wedding last year that had both meat and vegan food and the vegan food was absolutely delicious and had everyone scrambling for more. I'm not vegan - not even wholeheartedly vegetarian - but would be happy with vegan food at a wedding if the people getting married were vegan.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 21/09/2018 15:23

I would just serve up vegan food tbh.

THIS ^

I used to be veggie (18 years, have never managed a vegan lifestyle, though I once tried for four months) - but I now eat meat again because it is convenient when I live with meat-eaters.

If you were Jewish or Muslim, no-one would expect you to serve pork; if you were Hindu, no-one would complain if you didn't provide beef. Your feelings are just as valid.

Vegan food can be delicious (it can just be a faff). They may be very surprised. Perhaps you will even make some people go vegan/veggie once a week or so. (Every little helps )

Servalan · 21/09/2018 15:23

The food at my wedding was all vegetarian, despite lots of folk fussing at me beforehand about how some people can't cope without meat. I don't have a problem with people eating meat generally, but I wanted a wedding buffet that would be the kind of thing I would feed folk if they came to my home and I'd never be feeding anyone meat! A fab veggie caterer did an amazing spread, everyone loved it and no one complained about the lack of meat. Your wedding, your choice.

cholka · 21/09/2018 15:23

You sound a bit sanctimonious to be honest. I don't mind veganism but it's impossible to live in the world without damaging something, somehow. People will be travelling to your wedding by car, are you going to force them to use public transport too? Or banning leather shoes and silk scarves? Do you only eat organic, locally produced veg?
It would be really passive aggressive to make people pay for meat. Just serve vegan food but fairly recognisable like Mexican or Indian, not wholesome salads.
My wedding was (extremely nice) veg catering, one uncle went home early because he said he couldn't eat any of it. Some people really can't get through the day without ham.

Original poster

ClaraBanana7 · 21/09/2018 15:23

@RJnomore1 I'd be okay with vegetarian, but DP is hard against anything not vegan and I'd rather he was happy tbh.
He was raised on a farm, his family have been farmers for generations, and is extremely against the idea of serving meat/dairy, he won't even do it for Christmas.
I'm considering looking for vegetarian suppliers that he'll be okay with, but I'm generally a last minute person and this is a bit too advanced and organised for me.

@OnlyFoolsnMothers Sorry, I made this thread after the whole, announcing news to friends, them asking if I've made any decisions and cake flavours and being shocked when I said I didn't know but I wanted it to be vegan. I've done 0 planning, don't want to plan until I have a better idea of location/date/guest numbers etc, but the food definitely won't just be sides lol.

OP posts:

starcrossedseahorse · 21/09/2018 15:24

Laguna what a load of cobblers that is.

PrettyInPJs · 21/09/2018 15:24

Seriously do people like this exist?!

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 21/09/2018 15:24

You're vegans, serve vegan food.

Secondly, if someone I loved enough to invite to my wedding refused to attend because I did not serve dead lumps of meat and cheese, I'd be reconsidering out relationship, because that attitude is petty as fuck

This ^

Having said all that, are you inviting children? If so I think some kind of compromise would be kind for them

. Why?

I eat meat, by the way. I'd find it weird to be served meat at a vegan's wedding to be honest.

PlantsArePeopleToo · 21/09/2018 15:24

But...there are people who don’t like lentils or chickpeas or tofu

In that case just give them some chips or pasta in tomato sauce or some crumpets. Or better yet have a load of beef and tomato pot noodles on standby so if people complain about the vegan food you can just give them one of them. Perhaps if they think they're eating something non vegan (even though they aren't) it might make them feel better.

hackmum · 21/09/2018 15:24

Just do a vegan menu. Honestly, there is loads of really delicious vegan food available these days, and anyone who can't go for one meal without eating meat or dairy is being ludicrous.

I wouldn't go for cottage pie made with soya mince, though. I'd be going for a Thai green curry or a biryani or a pea and mint risotto - anything with good quality ingredients and herbs or spices.

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 21/09/2018 15:24

I think a lot of people are missing the point here. It’s not about not being able to cope for one meal without meat; of course people can. It’s about the OP forcing her beliefs and judgement down people’s throats and having the double standard of refusing to cater for those she loves; now that is selfish.

PlatypusPie · 21/09/2018 15:25

NotUmbongoUnchained

So people ignored a plant based meal in favour of going to get potatoes cooked in oil ( unlikely to be animal fat in a commercial setting ) What is the difference?

AriadnePersephoneCloud · 21/09/2018 15:25

Just serve vegan food. Try to provide options, people can pick what they want. Shouldn't even be a question really. Bride and groom provide food options like at any wedding.

starcrossedseahorse · 21/09/2018 15:25

Good lord what on earth is wrong with people? Vegan food can be gorgeous!

OP - ignore the idiots on here and just go vegan.

FiveNightsAtMummys · 21/09/2018 15:26

At first i thought have vegan I'm sure they'll be something everyone can enjoy. But! Then I thought imagine you got invited to a wedding saying "we are not catering for vegetarian / vegan. Eat meat or pay for your own" and now I've changed my mind.

How about something that says you'll be having a vegan menu But if you wish to have meat then let us know and we will accommodate you? Or have all vegan options and 1 meat option?

rosablue · 21/09/2018 15:27

I wouldn't mention it again - just when you send out your invites ask people if they have any food requirements - nut/milk/tomato/etc allergies and the like, or coeliac or gluten free - people will tell you.

Then serve up a vegan menu - nobody will know until they get to the meal, just like most weddings - you rarely know what the food is going to be until you get there (at least as a normal guest - maybe families will have been involved in choices). If anyone says anything, just say it was the easiest way to ensure that everybody was catered for according to their requirements.

There can't be many people that will say that they have to eat meat in every meal as a requirement!

The more you make a big deal out of it, the more they will think about it, think of all the negatives they can and not give it a chance, but also think that if they speak up loudly enough that their opinion is important enough to force a change that you, the bride, don't want for your wedding. let them discover on teh day (and if a couple of folk nip out for a burger, just ignore them!!)

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 21/09/2018 15:27

Sounds fun

I think I'd decline the invitation tbh. Doesn't sound very hospitable only having vegan food on the menu. In fact I couldn't think of anything worse.

Let's hope your friends understand.

BumDisease · 21/09/2018 15:27

I'm not a vegan but if I were invited to a wedding where the bride and groom both were I'd expect the menu to be exclusively vegan.

starcrossedseahorse · 21/09/2018 15:27

How is a lovely vegan menu forcing your beliefs down someone's throat? What a ridiculous comment! Surely people are not really this dense are they?

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