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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To only pay for vegan food at my wedding?

999 replies

ClaraBanana7 · 21/09/2018 14:52

Haven't set a date yet, but it'll be in around 2 years so it's not right around the corner or anything, but DP and I are both vegans. Neither of us have a problem with other people eating animal products, I don't think I've ever even brought up veganism unless I'm at a restaurant and need to order because I really hate confrontation and I've seen/heard so many cruel and horrible things being said to vegans. That said, we don't want to pay for the guests to be served animal products at our wedding.
Some of my friends think it's unfair and that restaurants etc are pandering to the vegan 'fad' (even though I've been vegan all my life) so I should cater to everyone's dietary requirements. I told them I was considering putting a meat option on the catering form, but that whoever picked it would have to pay for it themselves as I really don't want to give my own money towards that industry. But, my friends also think it's unfair that some people have to pay and others don't.
DP doesn't want to have an animal product option at all, and tbh I would also prefer this, but I want a way of not isolating people who can't go a meal without eating animal products.

OP posts:
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NotUmbongoUnchained · 21/09/2018 15:27

platypus

Well obviously they got fish, chicken, burgers, sausages etc. Not just chips.

Original poster
ClaraBanana7 · 21/09/2018 15:27

@cholka I don't really care what other people do with their money/time/methods of travel/clothes. I personally only do eat locally produced food and grow most of my own. I drive just like anyone, wish it didn't have such an impact on the environment but it's an electric car and I only use it when I can't use my bike. I don't tend to talk about my views or beliefs during my day to day life, but obviously this thread kinda required an explanation as to why I want to serve vegan food, and of course they can wear whatever they want.

OP posts:
NoonyLa · 21/09/2018 15:27

Vegan menu only.

Also this
It is ridiculous if people are genuinely saying that they cannot last one meal without meat

BumDisease · 21/09/2018 15:28

"Doesn't sound very hospitable only having vegan food on the menu. In fact I couldn't think of anything worse. "

Bit melodramatic is it not?

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 21/09/2018 15:28

It’s about the OP forcing her beliefs and judgement down people’s throats and having the double standard of refusing to cater for those she loves; now that is selfish

Seriously? Grin.

JeremyCorbynsBeard · 21/09/2018 15:29

To all the posters on here who say you have to cater for meat-eaters:

Do you eat nothing but meat? No vegetables? Why can you not manage to eat something made from vegetables or nuts?

CherryPavlova · 21/09/2018 15:29

WhatToDoAbputWailmerGoneRogue - that’s just ludicrous. Nobody, least of all the OP, is pushing anything down anyone’s throat. She is considering paying for and serving her family and friends a celebration meal that doesn’t include animal products. Lots of people wouldn’t notice but assumedly most know the couple are not meat eaters and would be unlikely to expect meat.
One of the most delicious wedding meals I’ve been to was a Sikh wedding which was entirely vegetarian.

HalfDivided · 21/09/2018 15:29

Of course YANBU. People who don’t understand this clearly haven’t the first clue about the ethics of veganism for those who are vegan for this reason. I disagree ethically with purchasing animal products so of course if I had a wedding I wouldn’t want my money to go towards funding something I entirely disagree with. People can last a day without meat. I know it’s fashionable to slate vegans with the ‘if they had a wedding and served you vegan food you should serve them meat’ but meat eaters aren’t ethically against vegetables and consume them themselves, there’s a huge difference and anyone claiming otherwise is either thick or goady.

Enjoy your vegan wedding. If guests have a problem with it they obviously aren’t fussed about celebrating your wedding with you.

I would definitely serve up some kind of mock meat products so people who enjoy meat can have something they will like, but you’re not wrong if you choose not to. It’s your wedding.

ifonly4 · 21/09/2018 15:29

Seriously, just serve vegan. It will make a nice change and I suspect most of your friends and family will expect it.

My BIL married a thai girl and they chose to just have thai food - I chose a bean curd spicy something or other and it was lovely.

Youshallnotpass · 21/09/2018 15:29

As someone who absolutely loves eating meat, I would totally come to a vegan wedding. You are vegan, serve vegan food only.

It sounds like it could be a fun element to your day as well. Vegan food can be amazingly tasty, I imagine at a wedding it will be particularly so.

Humans can eat vegan only food, I don't really understand this us and them argument with Vegans. It's almost as if human's are just shit at dealing with any kind of differences shrugs

Original poster
ClaraBanana7 · 21/09/2018 15:29

@starcrossedseahorse I don't know, I really don't know. The option of having their own meat if they wanted to pay £5/10 for it came more out of desperation not to upset people who hate the idea of not eating meat, but of course I'm now a bridezilla, unbearable person, ridiculous etc.

OP posts:
DarlingNikita · 21/09/2018 15:29

YANBU. Serve what you want. Anyone who has a problem with it doesn't have to come.

FWIW I do eat meat, fish and dairy, but also cook and eat a lot of animal-product-free stuff.

Unfortunately yes. It confuses me, but apparently that's the case. Do you mean people have told you they won't come if you don't serve animal products?

If they'd rather miss a friend/loved one's wedding because they're so terrified of going one meal without eating something animal-based, fuck 'em.

PlantsArePeopleToo · 21/09/2018 15:29

I think I'd decline the invitation tbh. Doesn't sound very hospitable only having vegan food on the menu. In fact I couldn't think of anything worse.

What exactly do you think vegans eat? Confused

Morgan12 · 21/09/2018 15:30

What will the food options be if you opt for a completely vegan menu?

Whatsnewwithyou · 21/09/2018 15:30

It shocks me that people would think that eating meat is a "dietary requirement" for them at every meal. I wouldn't want anyone so narrow-minded as that at my wedding and would certainly not think that two long-time vegans should feel they have to buy meat or animal products for anyone. Just have a vegan buffet and if people can't eat vegetables, pulses, salads, pasta, nut roasts, etc etc for one meal they can nip out and get themselves something. But having meat at every meal is not a dietary requirement, how utterly ridiculous.

PatriciaHolm · 21/09/2018 15:31

It’s about the OP forcing her beliefs and judgement down people’s throats and having the double standard of refusing to cater for those she loves; now that is selfish.

Well, I would sincerely hope that anyone who loved the OP enough to care to attend her wedding would be courteous enough to think, "actually, on this day of all days, i appreciate your views, understand that serving meat will make you deeply uncomfortable and I don't want that for you on your wedding day. "

Shoxfordian · 21/09/2018 15:31

I don't think there's anything wrong with just offering a vegan menu as you're both vegan

pumkinspicetime · 21/09/2018 15:31

Just serve vegan food, if you went for an Indian themed meal I suspect lots of people wouldnt even notice it was vegan.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 21/09/2018 15:32

You could always include post-wedding directions to the nearest McDonalds for anyone who needs to ram a fistful of processed meat and rubbery cheese into their mouths as a cure for being in close proximity to lentils for a couple of hours?

DukeOfSussex · 21/09/2018 15:32

Just provide a vegan meal. Don't these people ever travel, you can go a day without meat or cheese.

Omeletteandbeans · 21/09/2018 15:32

I think that if you've invited anyone who will literally drop down dead if they don't have a slice of animal with every single meal (I'd never heard of this medical condition but I think there are a few people with it on this thread) then it would be kind to serve them a ham sandwich or something.

We did all vegetarian food at our wedding reception and no one complained to our faces. It was just normal food...without meat. No kale smoothies in sight.

HalfDivided · 21/09/2018 15:32

Also, lest anyone forget, you’re spending your own money on a lovely party essentially so people can celebrate your marriage. You’re offering people a nice event and a free meal. Anyone who would have an issue with that because you won’t spend your money on something you’re ethically opposed to so they don’t have to go without animal products for one day isn’t someone you’d want at your wedding anyway!

Some of the responses on here are hilarious. Would you consider a Jewish couple to be ridiculous or unfair or selfish if they chose not to serve pork at their wedding?

I went to a Muslim wedding last month, I enjoy drinking alcohol and theirs was a teetotal wedding. Did I say anything? Of course fucking not. It’s their wedding, to be handled in line with their wishes and beliefs. I thanked them for a lovely evening and managed to go a few hours without alcohol.

Namelessinseattle · 21/09/2018 15:32

I would be super excited to go to a vegan wedding, especially if it was a buffet.

I think some people think of their regular meals just without animal produce which would be crap. But actual vegan food is delicious.

What I learned from my wedding planning is be non commital, take everyone’s advice and say such a good idea thank you, and then just do your own thing. Don’t tell anyone anything specific.

PrettyInPJs · 21/09/2018 15:33

Sorry, I mean the guests who say they won’t come if there’s no meat

Original poster
ClaraBanana7 · 21/09/2018 15:33

@MicroManaged We haven't decided on a venue, but DP wants it to be in his childhood church and I've like to have the reception in my childhood home because it's a family tradition. So the venue will be a place that's been strictly vegan since my parents bought it before I was born.

OP posts: