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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To only pay for vegan food at my wedding?

999 replies

ClaraBanana7 · 21/09/2018 14:52

Haven't set a date yet, but it'll be in around 2 years so it's not right around the corner or anything, but DP and I are both vegans. Neither of us have a problem with other people eating animal products, I don't think I've ever even brought up veganism unless I'm at a restaurant and need to order because I really hate confrontation and I've seen/heard so many cruel and horrible things being said to vegans. That said, we don't want to pay for the guests to be served animal products at our wedding.
Some of my friends think it's unfair and that restaurants etc are pandering to the vegan 'fad' (even though I've been vegan all my life) so I should cater to everyone's dietary requirements. I told them I was considering putting a meat option on the catering form, but that whoever picked it would have to pay for it themselves as I really don't want to give my own money towards that industry. But, my friends also think it's unfair that some people have to pay and others don't.
DP doesn't want to have an animal product option at all, and tbh I would also prefer this, but I want a way of not isolating people who can't go a meal without eating animal products.

OP posts:
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Stephisaur · 21/09/2018 15:33

I eat a lot of meat. I would just serve vegan options to be honest.

We're attending a friend's vegan wedding next month and the food sounds delicious. As long as it's good quality, I really can't see it being an issue. Any friends who complain about the food are pretty crap friends tbh.

starcrossedseahorse · 21/09/2018 15:34

OP just go for it and don't worry. There are a few small minded idiots on this thread and there will be in real life but most people are very positive about a vegan menu. It's yours and your future husband's day so do it how you want to do it.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 21/09/2018 15:34

Have a vegan menu. I'd go for a buffet as some people are a bit funny about some vegan food (for example, I wouldn't eat pulses at a wedding because, dear readers, they make me fart like Storm Ali and I don't think that's fair on those around me). Plenty of carbs to bulk things up. Make sure your caterer knows what they're doing though, vegan food from a bad caterer will be grim.

Osirus · 21/09/2018 15:34

I eat meat but would happily eat a vegan or vegetarian meal, I do occasionally anyway.

Serve vegan or vegetarian, and if they don’t want to come because they won’t be served a slice of cow or chicken then they don’t deserve an invitation to your wedding. These people are supposed to be your friends and family.

Yabbers · 21/09/2018 15:35

I am a meat eater. I have strong opinions on Veganism which I won’t share as the detail is irrelevant and I don’t want to get into an argument, plus they are my views and I have no desire to try to change opinion. I mention it only for context.

If any of my vegan friends got married and had a vegan menu I wouldn’t bat an eyelid, I’d just hope there was something I liked on the menu. If there wasn’t, I’d plan accordingly and make sure I took something to snack on at some point when I got hungry. Just as I did when my fish loving friend had a menu I couldn’t eat off or the time the only choice was Lamb or rabbit. If anyone wants to complain, tough. You are both vegan, the menu should be chosen to suit your tastes.

kmc1111 · 21/09/2018 15:35

I think OP’s getting a bit of a hammering here. She doesn’t want people to pay for their own food, she wants them to eat the vegan catering she and her DP are happy to pay for, but some of her friends are already being weird and demanding about it.

I think OP’s given them a good option honestly. If some people (weirdos) really can’t survive without meat for one single meal of their lives, then that would seem important enough to them to pay for. If it’s not that important to them, then I guess they’ll suck it up and eat some vegetables.

Also, as a vegetarian I’ve gone to countless weddings where all I could eat was a bit of bread and cake. That includes weddings with a supposed ‘vegetarian’ option. I just got on with it. If you can’t/won’t eat something it’s really not the end of the world if you have to be a bit hungry for a couple of hours. I would dream of hassling a couple about their menu choices, and I certainly wouldn’t consider not attending over a meal.

Osirus · 21/09/2018 15:35

Oh, I went to a vegan wedding last year, the food was lovely.

GiveMyHeadPeaceffs · 21/09/2018 15:36

I'm a bit shocked at pp telling you to ignore your life long held beliefs regarding the meat industry just so some snowflakes have their share of meat for ONE meal!

Go with a vegan menu, do not for one moment think you're ill-treating any of your guests. If they think they'll suffer ill effects from one day without meat then let them decline your invite; save you grief and money.

Original poster
ClaraBanana7 · 21/09/2018 15:36

@Namelessinseattle Thank you! That's great advice! Ever since I've told my friends they all have ideas and I want to include everything, but I think I will just stick to my guns because I know that I'll regret it if I don't.

OP posts:
Akanamali · 21/09/2018 15:37

I'm a meat eater and don't particularly like vegan/vegetarian dishes but I'd expect vegan food at a vegan wedding.

Anyone who refuses to come to a wedding because they're being deprived of meat wasn't bothered about the wedding in the first place.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 21/09/2018 15:37

I think OP’s getting a bit of a hammering here

Is she? I though the majority are saying YANBU Confused

MicroManaged · 21/09/2018 15:37

@MicroManaged We haven't decided on a venue, but DP wants it to be in his childhood church and I've like to have the reception in my childhood home because it's a family tradition. So the venue will be a place that's been strictly vegan since my parents bought it before I was born

So why are you even considering a pay-per-meal meat option?

wafflyversatile · 21/09/2018 15:37

Just serve a vegan menu. Guests don't usually get prior notice of the menu beforehand so no reason to advertise. There might be some people who don't like the food you serve but that's true of any wedding.

If anyone is that desperate for some meat after the meal they can always nip to the nearest Tesco express for a few tubs of contraband cocktail sausages to pass round under the tables. Maybe you can mention that in the speeches.

Yabbers · 21/09/2018 15:37

I also wouldn’t offer the choice to pay. Sounds like a logistical nightmare.

Seniorcitizen1 · 21/09/2018 15:39

Is this a plan to have a small wedding? I wouldn’t pay for my own food at a wedding, and wouldn’t go to a wedding that serves only vegan food.

PlantsArePeopleToo · 21/09/2018 15:39

Pasta with tomato sauce
Chips
Crumpets
Baked beans on toast
Baked potato with baked beans
Crisps
Oreos
Party rings
Mcvitie's Hobnob Chocolate Chip biscuits
Most bourbon biscuits
Jus Rol croissants and Pain Au Chocolat
Beef and tomato pot noodles

All of those things are vegan and no doubt eaten by all the people saying "ewww, vegan food is disgusting, I can't eat that!" without actually realising they're already eating vegan food.

Granted not all of those things would be suitable wedding food but some of it would be okay on a buffet.

I bet if I put together a buffet with Jus Rol Croissants, Pain Au Chocolat, pasta, oreos, party rings, crisps, olives, pickled onions, fruit and a few other accidentally vegan biscuits then nobody would realise it was all vegan, let alone complain about it.

QueSera · 21/09/2018 15:40

Am I right in interpreting this to mean that some of your guests are objecting to eating one vegan meal? at your wedding, which you are paying for?
Sorry, they can eat one vegan meal.
You shouldn't have to provide any non-vegan options at your own wedding. It's hardly being dictatorial - it's one meal, it's your wedding. If they need to eat meat/dairy/eggs every few hours, they can go elsewhere. To pressure you into feeling that you must go against your ethics is being totally disrespectful of you, your ethics and your important day.

PlatypusPie · 21/09/2018 15:40

Are people terribly unadventurous? What do they think vegan food Is - its not all handwoven lentils now. We are meat eaters ( though I was vegetarian for about 5 years , decades ago when it was seen as weird and hard going) but I can’t now eat cheese, which I could do then. My husband likes a good steak and adores cheese but also positively loves vegetables. We were staying in a city on a Monday evening when a lots of the restaurants were closed, with the exception of a well reviewed vegan one. He was a bit reluctant but hungry so we tried it. It was a revelation - light, tasty, delicious dishes and substantial enough for my DH . Did not persuade us to become vegans but certainly broadened our outlook.

hurrythefuckupgeorge · 21/09/2018 15:41

We recently went to a vegan wedding and the food was lovely so I would just go for a vegan menu.

We definitely weren't hungry as there was loads of food on offer. Not going to a friends wedding because you might not like the food is ridiculous!

Original poster
ClaraBanana7 · 21/09/2018 15:42

@Yabbers Thank you for being so open minded, I wish there were more meat eaters just like you, I usually go out of my way as well in rl not to mention veganism as they are my own personal views and I'm pretty sure anyone with the internet can find them out if they want to.

@kmc1111 I was getting a bit worried I was being overly selfish, so glad you responded.

Wish I could respond to everyone who's responded with such positive comments

OP posts:
Jeippinghmip · 21/09/2018 15:42

I would provide the same vegan meal for everyone. I’m a meat eater, so I hope that helps.

Whatsthisbear · 21/09/2018 15:42

You friends sound awful @ClaraBanana7 how dare they try and dictate the food you serve at your own wedding Shock

Guests attend to celebrate a couple joining together not for a free feed. If they don’t want to have one meal without meat they can always choose not to come. I am a meat eater btw

LagunaBubbles · 21/09/2018 15:43

Laguna what a load of cobblers that is

Er you might not agree with me but doesnt mean its cobblers! Its not that I would be "desperate" for meat but would be hungry if only vegan food was served, thats not cobblers. And Ive seen far too many people not thinking about their guests at all when it comes to weddings.

Thebluedog · 21/09/2018 15:44

Serve everyone a vegan meal. I eat animal products but if I was going to a wedding if friends who were vegans it wouldn’t bother me in the slightest..

If you’ve got friends who are saying otherwise, IMO they aren’t great friends

MiniMaxi · 21/09/2018 15:44

I would expect a vegan menu at the wedding of two vegans. Just as I was happy to be served vegetarian food at the wedding of two vegetarians.

Serve vegan and surprise people with its deliciousness!

But also, don’t stress too far in advance Wink