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AIBU?

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Original poster

To only pay for vegan food at my wedding?

999 replies

ClaraBanana7 · 21/09/2018 14:52

Haven't set a date yet, but it'll be in around 2 years so it's not right around the corner or anything, but DP and I are both vegans. Neither of us have a problem with other people eating animal products, I don't think I've ever even brought up veganism unless I'm at a restaurant and need to order because I really hate confrontation and I've seen/heard so many cruel and horrible things being said to vegans. That said, we don't want to pay for the guests to be served animal products at our wedding.
Some of my friends think it's unfair and that restaurants etc are pandering to the vegan 'fad' (even though I've been vegan all my life) so I should cater to everyone's dietary requirements. I told them I was considering putting a meat option on the catering form, but that whoever picked it would have to pay for it themselves as I really don't want to give my own money towards that industry. But, my friends also think it's unfair that some people have to pay and others don't.
DP doesn't want to have an animal product option at all, and tbh I would also prefer this, but I want a way of not isolating people who can't go a meal without eating animal products.

OP posts:
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MamaOfTwoBoys · 21/09/2018 15:15

I eat meat, but I wouldn't expect somebody who doesn't to support the industry by paying for food they are against.

I think your guests will completely understand, and it won't hurt anybody to go one meal without meat!

FaintyMcFainterton · 21/09/2018 15:16

As a meat-eater I say just serve the vegan options. It's your wedding, your rules.

caroloro · 21/09/2018 15:16

YANBU. Your wedding. Your day. Your rules. You're paying. Vegan all the way.

zucchinicourgette · 21/09/2018 15:16

Having said all that, are you inviting children? If so I think some kind of compromise would be kind for them.

Twotailed · 21/09/2018 15:17

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Gemini69 · 21/09/2018 15:18

but I recognise that some people do want to eat meat and dairy and are strongly against veganism

Why does people eating Meat mean they are strongly against Veganism ? Hmm

Alaaya · 21/09/2018 15:18

Definitely just go Vegan. If someone doesn't come because they couldn't cope without meat, they probably weren't that fussed on your wedding anyway.

There are loads of good meat substitutes if people don't like chickpeas etc. I reckon most folk won't notice if it's not drawn to their attention.

PlatypusPie · 21/09/2018 15:18

How odd. Would you expect to pay for a vegan option at an omnivore catered wedding ? My DD is getting married soon and the caterer was easily able to cater for the vegan/non pork( religious) /non dairy/non gluten/a non onion etc variants.

I think most people would be intrigued at what the menu would be and not fainting clear away at the thought of missing the usual catering salmon/chicken offering. People are often invited to wedding celebrations from other cultures/religions and would not expect a special ‘only my usual scoff, please ‘ option other than dietary intolerance.

I think, as you are doing this from a strong sense of principle, it would be positively perverse to offer an animal option anyway and passive-aggressive to then charge for it.

Cath2907 · 21/09/2018 15:18

I am a carnivore. I'd expect to eat a vegan meal at the wedding of two long term vegans! If you are concerned perhaps off two different vegan options (normally there'd be a meat and a veggie option so people who aren't veggie could theoretically choose between 2 dishes).

TrumpsTinyCheesyWotsit · 21/09/2018 15:18

I am not strongly opposed to veganism at all. At my wedding I catered to all tastes and needs. So vegans, vegetarians, celiacs, and a lactose intolerant. At no point did I refuse to cater to them as i do not agree with THEIR choices on what they eat. For fucks sake this is a wedding, not a political rally.

PlantsArePeopleToo · 21/09/2018 15:18

I would just serve vegan food but I wouldn't tell anyone it was vegan. Oreos, lots of crisps, pasta, just rol croissants, etc are all vegan but I bet nobody would even notice they were eating vegan food.

PiggyPoos · 21/09/2018 15:18

I think you could live without any guests who wouldn't turn up because you didn't serve meat FFS.

Just do Vegan food asking people to pay for meat is a rubbish idea.

It's your day and you get to pick the food so I wouldn't even worry about it.

I'd enjoy it as a change.

ThistleAmore · 21/09/2018 15:19

I am 'plant-based' rather than vegan, as although I don't eat animal products, I still wear leather shoes etc so vegan doesn't quite fit. My OH is omni, but we eat plant-based at home.

I think you're perfectly within your rights to host a vegan wedding, but as others have said, PLEASE ensure there's plenty to eat - I've been to events in the past as the sole veggie/vegan and have been fed some real dross (at one do, I ended up nipping out to Sainsbury's mid-time to get a sandwich because I was starving).

Bluelady · 21/09/2018 15:19

Just have a vegan menu. I'd feel exactly the same as you, OP. Your guests can get by without meat or dairy for one meal.

SmallBee · 21/09/2018 15:19

You are deliberately excluding people and I wouldn’t be surprised if the majority refused to turn up. I certainly would based on your ‘reasoning’ alone

How is the op deliberately excluding anyone?
I've not met anyone who eats solely animal products. Unless they're unbearably fussy most people eat vegan friendly food, so the OP will still be providing food that everyone can eat.

Secondly, if someone I loved enough to invite to my wedding refused to attend because I did not serve dead lumps of meat and cheese, I'd be reconsidering out relationship, because that attitude is petty as fuck.

NotUmbongoUnchained · 21/09/2018 15:19

Have a vegan menu, but be prepared for people to disappear around dinner time. I went to a vegan wedding a few years ago and at meal time everyone ran across the road to the chippie for food.

PlantsArePeopleToo · 21/09/2018 15:20

Having said all that, are you inviting children? If so I think some kind of compromise would be kind for them.

Why? Can children not eat chips anymore?

CaptainGT · 21/09/2018 15:20

Serve a vegan meal "feast style"

Loads of delicious vegan dishes to share among the tables. No option needed and sounds good on the invitation.

ittakes2 · 21/09/2018 15:20

I have ceoliac's so finding food is tricky for me - but I would suggest you go all vegan. Weddings are about who you are as a couple - if one of your friends don't respect how you feel about animal products...then they are not much of a friend. Friends go to see you to get married - the food should not be what it is all about. They can survive for one meal eating vegan only. I would just make sure it is clear to people before they arrive the food will be vegan - just incase they need their fix before they arrive.

LuluBellaBlue · 21/09/2018 15:20

I’m another vote for only serving vegan food, and blowing them away with how deliscous and satisfying it is Grin

You’re not imposing your views in guests as some PP have said.
Why on earth would you choose a menu and pay for something you 1, don’t like / won’t eat and 2, are ethically against?

I’d be shocked if anyone turned down a wedding invitation due to a vegan menu, and if they did, I don’t think they’d be a great loss!

BlueberryPud · 21/09/2018 15:21

Not sure if you would like to go to a wedding where only meat is served

That's not even remotely comparable

PatriciaHolm · 21/09/2018 15:21

I am always genuinely baffled when this subject comes up that there appear to be people who would threaten not to attend the wedding of a loved one because for ONE meal, there would be no dead flesh on their plates (and I'm a meat eater). Have a bacon sandwich for breakfast people!

Fortunately looking at the thread they are in the minority, but wow.

In reality, people who actually pull this crap clearly aren't people who really care about going to the wedding anyway.

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 21/09/2018 15:21

I would welcome anyone as selfish and over-dramatic as this refusing to come to my wedding. Imagine being this much of a prick.

Twotailed Please enlighten me as to how this makes me a “prick”. The OP is deliberately excluding people and forcing her beliefs on them, while at the same time still expecting to be catered for when she goes anywhere.

JeremyCorbynsBeard · 21/09/2018 15:21

Nobody needs to eat meat for every meal. One meal out of a lifetime won't be the end of the world.

Provide a vegan menu, maybe with 2 or 3 different and varied choices.

A good option might be some kind of nut roast, that can then be served as a more "traditional" option, with vegetables, roast potatoes and (vegan) gravy. Or a cottage pie made with soya mince? Starters can easily be vegan (fruit-based/mushroom-based/ soup).

And puddings are probably the thing that everyone will notice least.

It's your wedding day, and they're your principals. If people are that obsessed with eating meat then let them stay at home.

MicroManaged · 21/09/2018 15:22

figured the best way to include them is to have an option where they can pay for their own meal so I don't have that on my conscience

Sorry but I find your train of thought very odd.

If you invite meat eaters to be your guests at a venue that serves meat AND you choose and offer them a meat dish...some will take that choice, regardless of who’s paying.

And the meat eaters have then only been able to eat that steak or chicken dinner because YOU CHOSE to put it on the menu.

Your ‘vegan conscience’ is fucked either way imho.

But maybe having a smaller bill after the meal makes that more palatable?