So fucking angry with DH

[Bobbybear10]

This might not seem like a massive issue to some but I can feel my blood boiling and could do with either some calming words or an idea of how to confront this situation!

We have moles in our garden. They are a pain but there aren’t too many at the moment and if it gets too bad we discussed a couple of humane traps.

I told DH I was really against mole catchers/traps (that you place in one of their tunnels and they literally slice the mole in half as it runs through) that I found them barbaric and I really don’t want them used in my garden.

I have just watched ‘d’H dig up and reset a mole catcher in the garden.

I’m so angry that 1, he just blatantly ignored my wishes 2, lied to me like I’m a fucking gullible twat 3, thinks it’s ok to use such a device.

AIBU and what is my next move?

If you wanted humane traps, why aren’t there any? You could have done it surely?

omg thats so cruel, i would be so angry too.

Because I didn’t want any traps at all.

He mentioned using traps and I said how upset I would be if he used a mole catcher but if he was desperate to catch them then a humane one would be better.

Threaten to shove one down his underpants....
Would make me look at him in a different light tbh if he is insistent he wants to massacre little creatures.

Dig it up and order the humane type you wanted before the one your husband has put down kills any of them? I can understand being upset that your DH would use a violent method of ridding the garden of moles, but that's a different issue. Save the moles OP!

Unless you’re disabled and unable to do the humane traps I still don’t see why it’s down to him. If you want humane traps and are able to put them out, you should have.

Oh gosh, I'd be absolutely fuming if I were you, I don't even think I'd be calm enough to air on mumsnet instead of screaming at him (so you're more rational than me lol).
I think the best thing to do would tell him how you feel and how him ignoring your wishes makes you feel, murdering innocent moles just because they're an inconvenience is just plain wrong but I don't know many people who consider animal rights in this way.
I'd ask them to remove the trap or offer to remove it myself. I'd discuss the humane options again and make it clear to him that removing the moles is okay, but only if it's done in a humane way.

I’m so angry that 1, he just blatantly ignored my wishes 2, lied to me like I’m a fucking gullible twat 3, thinks it’s ok to use such a device.

AIBU and what is my next move?

YANBU.

My next move would be to have a huge argument with him and tell him I didn't marry a liar so if he's going to become one he can fuck off out of it and neither did I marry an arsehole who is OK with using such traps so again if he is one of those he can fuck off out of it. I doubt that's the adult, reasonable way of dealing with it. But I would be so angry I wouldn't care.

I get rid of moles by sticking a hose down their most recent hole and leaving it on for an hour or so.
You might have to do it two or three days in a row.
They decide it’s not a suitable site as prone to flooding and bugger off elsewhere.

That or move to Ireland.

Get some humane traps. That's your next move obviously.

If you want humane traps and are able to put them out, you should have.

I didn’t want any traps at all.

He mentioned using traps and I said how upset I would be if he used a mole catcher but if he was desperate to catch them then a humane one would be better.

What a twat. I love moles, id be fuming

YANBU and I would leave my DH if he suddenly became the sort of person who thought slicing a creature in half in the garden was okay.

Awful. Poor moles.

mostdays right so OP is unwilling to do anything about it, and not prepared to compromise but is unhappy when her DH does something about it.

Got it.

Still think it would have been easier if they’d talked properly and both had come up with a solution.

Just because OP doesn’t think it’s a problem, her DH does and doesn’t see an issue with the traps. If OP does, there’s nothing stopping her using the traps she does agree with. But she didn’t.

YeTalkShiteHen

Unless you’re disabled and unable to do the humane traps I still don’t see why it’s down to him. If you want humane traps and are able to put them out, you should have.

Are you being deliberately obtuse?

I didn’t want any traps so why would I buy any? I didn’t know he was going to set any sort of trap. The conversation was him thinking about it, muttering about some traps, me saying my piece and then the conversation going no further.
At no point in this he last few months has he said he was going through set any sort of trap.

For the record I don’t like the traps OP describes, and I wouldn’t be happy if my DP used them.

But I’d have used the humane traps in the first place, rather than leave the solution to him.

I didn’t want any traps so why would I buy any?

So you were the one who ignored your DHs feelings in the first place then? Because you’re angry that he didn’t listen to you, but you’ve not listened to him.

Calling anyone else obtuse in that situation is ironic.

You don’t see a problem, so that’s it.

Nobody else is allowed an opinion, until you do see a problem.

Got it.

Apparently it’s ok because they aren’t the ones I was thinking of.
They still kill the mole just not by slicing it in half.

Never mind the fact that my opinion, thoughts, feelings were completely ignored.

It’s so fucking sneaky laying it behind my back and not discussing it with me.

I’m not his equal.

Ffs op. I bet you expect your poor DH to blow his own nose too. He sounds depressed. Unless you have anxiety there is no excuse. Some people's DHs were born without legs. You need to treat him to a spa day to make it up to him.

I said quite clearly to DH that i didn’t want any trap at all but would compromise with a humane one.

I thought, like a adult in an equal, loving and mural respectful relationship he would discuss actually laying a trap before he did so.

I presumed he thought better of laying any trap or at least was going to mull it over and discuss it again when he had thought about what other type of traps there where or what other ways there are to get rid of moles.

So you were the one who ignored your DHs feelings in the first place then? Because you’re angry that he didn’t listen to you, but you’ve not listened to him.
Umm no. OP discussed it with her DH and put her point across. Her DH at no point raised any objections. Then entirely ignored the discussion and bought inhumane traps regardless.

Not sure how people are twisting this to put the OP at fault!

just go ahead and buy your humane traps and swap them over.....sorted.

YANBU. It would upset me too because 1) I like moles and am happy to share my garden with them, 2) because I'm completely against killing things just because they're an inconvenience, and 3) I'd feel as though he considers my views and feelings irrelevant.

Can you dig them up and leave them somewhere where he will find them? Like in his bed - you know the one in the spare room? Next to a copy of the Wind in the Willows? I'd be upset because it's not just like he was ignoring you over a trivial issue like disagreeing that the gate needed painting - the cruel deaths of living creatures is an emotive and ethical issue. Ignore oblivious and cunty posters btw.

Would make me look at him in a different light tbh if he is insistent he wants to massacre little creatures.

Yes, I really don't think I could live with someone who thought doing that was ok also to blatantly go behind your back shows very little respect for you.