So fucking angry with DH

[Bobbybear10]

This might not seem like a massive issue to some but I can feel my blood boiling and could do with either some calming words or an idea of how to confront this situation!

We have moles in our garden. They are a pain but there aren’t too many at the moment and if it gets too bad we discussed a couple of humane traps.

I told DH I was really against mole catchers/traps (that you place in one of their tunnels and they literally slice the mole in half as it runs through) that I found them barbaric and I really don’t want them used in my garden.

I have just watched ‘d’H dig up and reset a mole catcher in the garden.

I’m so angry that 1, he just blatantly ignored my wishes 2, lied to me like I’m a fucking gullible twat 3, thinks it’s ok to use such a device.

AIBU and what is my next move?

And also illegal, if you catch a mole you’re legally required to kill it.

And morally?

No, I don't kill spiders either. Every creature plays it's part apart from animal abusing dickheads

Meh, I'm with your husband, moles makes a fucking mess of the lawn and it gets worse and worse, till it becomes a hazard due to so many holes and a pain to fill them in daily if you know, you have a job.

So although I'd agree don't cut em in half, he's not doing that, but if you want a humane one then research it.

If you want to keep the moles, then that's a whole different discussion and quite frankly I'd think you'd gone loopy. You may as well just take a plough to your garden now.

And yes, I kill spiders, yes I lay mouse traps, and yes I live rurally, if that makes me a cruel heartless animal murderer then so be it.

We have used a mole trap once, it certainly killed the mole. We think the mole died of shock as the trap sprung just in front of its nose. We excavated a dead mole with not a mark on it.

My dad used to attach a hose pipe to the exhaust of the car, then put the other end down the hole

Well maybe he would rather lie to you than put up with your hand wringing. What was he even supposed to do with them once he humamely captured them? He really should have told you to either catch them yourself off he would kill th but if you have form for this kind of thing in the past he may have wanted to avoid a repeat performance.

OP you probably eat meat. If you give a fuck about animals not having them murdered would be a start.

I have a neighbour who has taken to feeding pigeons, because she "loves the birds" whilst I get bird shit all over my shed. Yet she literally eats a bird (chicken) every Sunday. I do get annoyed at these virtue signalling "animal lovers" who pay for people to murder animals.

TL;DR but you need two bottles of vinegar (of the fish 'n chip Sarson variety) down each hole. The moles hate it. They'll leave your lawn and you can then LTB.

won't it be worse to be stuck terrified in a 'humane trap' before being transported and released, than being sliced in half and knowing nothing about it?j

Or he may have just not thought to discuss it with you again if the lawn is his job. I wouldn't expect my DH to civsult me when he changes the tires on the cars (entirely his job. I have no idea what kind to buy or where to have them done) and likewise I would never think to consult him on what furniture to buy (entirely my job, he is hopeless with this stuff and every single piece of furniture he has ever chosen has been hortoble and inconceniebt so he is banned from buying furniture).

Holy shit.. Your DP is definitely depressed. Sort him out.. If you don't like moles, and you don't like the way he's trying to sort it out, do it yourself.. Geez

Racecardriver

What a load of shit you type.

Maybe he should have discussed the situation like a fucking adult in a mutual respectful relationship.

But that’s ok I don’t like his tomato and pepper plants making the place look untidy so I’m just going to pull them up and chuck them.

I don’t want the fucking moles killed but I didn’t actually get any sort of a say in the matter as he just fucked off and did what he wanted anyway.

He has form for just doing what he wants all the time and ignoring how I feel.

He just says the standard, you can have your opinion, it doesn’t make me wrong so I’m going to do it how I want. Which sounds fine in theory but actually it’s a really shitty way to live.

You're not being unreasonable to object to what he's done. I'd be very unhappy with my DP deciding to do this after a conversation like the one you had.

I do wonder whether there is more going on than just this one issue? He seems particularly cross about you having a different opinion, and your reaction is probably stronger than I would have expected.

OP Why are you not just removing the traps?

Arealmanithink wtf are you on about?

This might make me sound heartless,

I don’t want the moles killed and would like to have started with a softer approach, but I’m more upset with the fact he disregarded my feelings and just did what he wanted.

It doesn’t matter if that’s his ‘usual’ job. If he felt strongly about something that affected a usual job of mine I would try and find another way of doing whatever it is because he is my DH that I love and I respect his feelings so wouldn’t want to do something that would upset him, especially without discussing it first!

"The biggest vermin on this planet are human beings, what would you suggest we do with them?"

^This.

There is no self reflection.

He doesn’t even want to understand why I’m upset and is absolutely intent on the fact he is right.
He might say he is sorry I feel a certain way but not sorry that he behaved in a shitty way.

It’s like he has no empathy for me at all nor does he want to try and have empathy for me.

I’ve taken to trying to twist situations around and ask how he would feel if I did X,Y or Z to him.

I would go up the f*cking wall and down the other side if mine did that. Good luck being more measured.

So tell him 'You're a cunt and I'm gutted that you've not only done this when you knew I didn't want you to, but you're also behaving like a cunt when I've told you how upset I am'[.
But tell him AFTER you've dug the piggin traps up!
C'mon OP...be proactive.
Otherwise at some stage in the next couple of days you're going to be seeing him (hopefully the fucker intends to checking the traps) disposing of the mole's body...I would be incandescent with rage.

Apparently it is absolutely fine to ignore how I feel as long as I don’t know about it.

That is an utterly disgraceful thing to say to your wife/husband. He’s showing zero respect for you as a human being.

I’d also be asking him, what else he’s doing that you don’t know about, because if he can kill miles against your wishes, he won’t have second thoughts about doing other things.

He’s already killed some moles, the traps have been there a while. (Think a couple of months)

I’ve only just seen.

*moles not miles

I can see the headlines now in the Daily Fail.

Irate wife divorces husband because he killed moles the wrong way

If you are going to kill them before they destroy your garden, what is 'humane'? I'd have thought a quick chop was the least painful and quick .

As others have said, think about how they rear and slaughter what's on your plate if you want to campaign for something.

.

Are all of the furious posters on here vegetarian?

As I said, I’m not happy about him killing the bloody moles but it’s not really about that.

It’s obvious just how much respect he has for me.

Okay. Then LTB.