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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So fucking angry with DH

182 replies

Bobbybear10 · 21/09/2018 13:05

This might not seem like a massive issue to some but I can feel my blood boiling and could do with either some calming words or an idea of how to confront this situation!

We have moles in our garden. They are a pain but there aren’t too many at the moment and if it gets too bad we discussed a couple of humane traps.

I told DH I was really against mole catchers/traps (that you place in one of their tunnels and they literally slice the mole in half as it runs through) that I found them barbaric and I really don’t want them used in my garden.

I have just watched ‘d’H dig up and reset a mole catcher in the garden.

I’m so angry that 1, he just blatantly ignored my wishes 2, lied to me like I’m a fucking gullible twat 3, thinks it’s ok to use such a device.

AIBU and what is my next move?

OP posts:
Lynne1Cat · 21/09/2018 19:43

Dig the trap up, bin it.

Original poster
Bobbybear10 · 21/09/2018 20:19

I can only say how I think the conversation would’ve gone because honestly it didn’t even get far enough for me to ‘issue orders’.

If he had told me he wanted to do something about the moles and was thinking of using a mole slicer I would have said I didn’t want him to do that as I think it’s inhumane and also dangerous with our dogs running around but can we research any other methods that might work. I would’ve then done some googling and discussed what I found. I would hope he might have researched as well and we might have found a middle ground.

What compromise could I have made? There was no discussion and he just went and did what he wanted anyway.

How could I make a compromise happen when I didn’t know he was putting a trap out?

The only instructions I issued was saying I wasn’t comfortable with a mole sliver and didn’t want him to use one.

OP posts:
flooredbored · 21/09/2018 20:22

Get him to piss on the mole holes! Has worked every time we have had a mole hole appear.

UseditUpandWoreitOut · 21/09/2018 20:23

significant and expensive problems
ffs.
It's.a.lawn.

UseditUpandWoreitOut · 21/09/2018 20:30

Op You need to talk to him, and get through to him how much this has rocked you back on your heels.
Hopefully you'll be able to get through to him how much it's shocked you that he's disregarded your opinion, not just/or about the mole situation.
The mole is by the bye.
Hope you can manage to have a good talk and get things sorted. Thanks

mathanxiety · 21/09/2018 20:55

MaxTeyon - gray squirrels are vermin?

In what alternative universe?

Lockheart · 21/09/2018 21:12

Of course grey squirrels are vermin! They are non-native intruders who have pushed our red squirrels to the brink of extinction in this country. They’re cute but they’re a destructive pest which causes huge damage to native squirrel populations. If you want red squirrels back in any kind of numbers you’d need to get rid of the greys first.

Back to the subject in hand though, it sounds like neither of you are communicating or willing to compromise. Perhaps have a proper, calm conversation about it tomorrow after the dust has settled?

Akanamali · 21/09/2018 21:22

@mathanxiety Have you considered that maybe a bit of brief research is better than just asserting nonsense?

PickwickThePlockingDodo · 21/09/2018 21:44

my dad saw one growing in size and just dug up the mole and took it to a local wood.

Well your dad seems a hell of a lot nicer than OP's DH and some of the other animal killers on this thread

MagnaDoodle · 21/09/2018 21:52

This is bonkers.

I posted about a mouse problem in my house and had poster after poster telling me not to bother with humane traps, snap traps and poison were the only solution.

🤷🏻‍♀️

restart2018 · 21/09/2018 21:58

Honestly, this would be LTB over this for me. Such cruelty!

Bluntness100 · 21/09/2018 22:13

The only instructions I issued was saying I wasn’t comfortable with a mole sliver and didn’t want him to use one

And he didn't. He used something else and rightly dealt with the problem. Confused

And squirrels are vermin and I've a problem with them. They are currently digging my patio plants up, which is irritating me, I come out and the little buggers are arse up in there, burying nuts or whatever, but I leave them alone. Sigh.

And I have a friend who has the deer shot,and that I take issue with. But I wouldn't and haven't hesitated to have moles dealt with.

And for the poster who said it's a lawn ffs, lawns are very expensive, especially when they collapse or are unusable due to a multitude of tunnels, and holes and then when the moles start tunnelling in your neighbours garden then they'd rightfully be pissed at you.

UseditUpandWoreitOut · 21/09/2018 22:19

lawns are very expensive

Ha ha !

I love Mumsnet!

Bluntness100 · 21/09/2018 22:20

You're either very wealthy or you've never had a lawn laid.

UseditUpandWoreitOut · 21/09/2018 22:25

Bought and laid many a lawn myself.

Awalkintheparks · 21/09/2018 22:27

It's besides the point but unless it is a very large expanse of land you are unlikely to have lots of moles because they are territorial.

Blameanamechange · 21/09/2018 22:42

OP your dh has been deceitful and its probably not the first time is it? I would be peed too off too. You need to discuss the issues with him when you have calmed down if you want things to improve the situation. Hopefully he will try to understand or else it will be down hill from here on (sorry for unintentional pun there)

RedneckStumpy · 22/09/2018 11:19

Of course grey squirrels are vermin

We shoot them and when we have 6-7 that’s enough for a squirrel stew.

Bluntness100 · 22/09/2018 13:41

How's he been deceitful, talk about over reacting. She says she told him not to use a mole slicer and no more, and he didn't.

Hanyu · 22/09/2018 13:59

Bluntness, she said she didn't want to kill the moles. He set up traps to kill them anyway even though he knew it would upset her.

It's not that hard to understand why he's been deceitful.

I don't like killing animals either. A lot of people feel upset at the though of setting kill traps. Just because you are ok with it, it doesn't take that much understanding to realise the problem here.

Bluntness100 · 22/09/2018 14:34

Hanya please read rhe rhread, she states "The only instructions I issued was saying I wasn’t comfortable with a mole sliver and didn’t want him to use one"

I agree she's been confusing as she was saying she said all these things to him about not wanting to kill thr moles, about wanting to use humane traps, and then she changes it to the above saying there was no convo.

Hanyu · 22/09/2018 14:37

Bobbybear10 Fri 21-Sep-18 14:45:48

He is lying as I said I didn’t want the moles killed at all.

Bluntness100 · 22/09/2018 14:39

Exactly, she is contradicting herself.

Hanyu · 22/09/2018 14:40

🤷‍♀️

I don't know. It does sound like he was being sneaky whatever she said. It seems clear she didn't want the moles harmed. If he disagreed, they should have discussed it further.

Bluntness100 · 22/09/2018 14:53

I don't think he's being sneaky, he did it in full view of her, he simply didn't discuss it with her and he says because she always kicks off.

She states she said all these things, issued all these instructions, instructions which could have caused them significant problems if the moles were left unchecked, then she says she didn't issue instructions when challenged about what she did then other than issue instructions.

He does the lawn. Moles cause significant issues if left unchecked . His opinion is not worth less than hers.she is not the boss who must be obeyed. Her opinion could have caused them and their neighbours major problems or expense. If she didn't want the moles harmed she should have got her finger out and dealt with them, leaving rhem unchecked is not the answer, but even if it was her answer, it wasn't his and her opinion doesn't carry more weight than his.