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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So fucking angry with DH

182 replies

Bobbybear10 · 21/09/2018 13:05

This might not seem like a massive issue to some but I can feel my blood boiling and could do with either some calming words or an idea of how to confront this situation!

We have moles in our garden. They are a pain but there aren’t too many at the moment and if it gets too bad we discussed a couple of humane traps.

I told DH I was really against mole catchers/traps (that you place in one of their tunnels and they literally slice the mole in half as it runs through) that I found them barbaric and I really don’t want them used in my garden.

I have just watched ‘d’H dig up and reset a mole catcher in the garden.

I’m so angry that 1, he just blatantly ignored my wishes 2, lied to me like I’m a fucking gullible twat 3, thinks it’s ok to use such a device.

AIBU and what is my next move?

OP posts:
chillpizza · 21/09/2018 13:34

What was the plan for once they had been caught humanly? You can’t just dump them on someone’s else’s land.

UseditUpandWoreitOut · 21/09/2018 13:37

YANBU
Next move? Go out into the garden, get a spade and a hammer, dig the trap up with the spade and break it/flatten it with the hammer.
Save the moles OP

Original poster
Bobbybear10 · 21/09/2018 13:38

chillpizza

What was the plan for once they had been caught humanly? You can’t just dump them on someone’s else’s land.

We hadn’t got any near that point in the conversation. Honestly it was just a cursory discussion. I didn’t research how to get rid of moles, how to use humane traps anything at all about moles as it was literally a snippet of conversation.
I also thought, stupidly, that my husband would research other ways to get rid of moles if he was so intent on removing them but knew that I would be really upset by mole catchers.

OP posts:
BrendasUmbrella · 21/09/2018 13:42

You are his equal. Show him that. Take the traps out, break them, throw them away. If he buys more, repeat.

Original poster
Bobbybear10 · 21/09/2018 13:42

I think I’m just going to send him this thread.

I honestly don’t believe he has any respect for me.

I can’t get over how he just hid what he was doing from me thinking that as long as I didn’t know it was ok. That’s not what someone who respects you would do.

OP posts:
speakout · 21/09/2018 13:45

This is about more than moles OP.

This is about your relationship.

The mole is a red herring.

There is a far bigger picture that needs addressing.

Hurryupbacktoschool · 21/09/2018 13:47

Why do so many people comment without properly reading and understanding the OP?? It's baffling.

Original poster
Bobbybear10 · 21/09/2018 13:47

Yeah I’m know, but I can’t force him to respect me.

OP posts:
YetAnotherSpartacus · 21/09/2018 13:48

If you are going to show him the thread then scrap my last comment. I agree with the person who suggested you shove the trap down his trousers.

speakout · 21/09/2018 13:50

Yeah I’m know, but I can’t force him to respect me.

No you can't.

But we are not powerless when it comes to relationship dynamics, nor who we choose to have relationships with.

That needs closer examination than a mole trap.

AynRandTheObjectivist · 21/09/2018 13:52

Cruelty to animals is a serious mark of character. I couldn't have anything to do with anyone who thought it was acceptable.

But you won't change him. Your choices are to stay with him accepting who he is and how he treats you, or consider your options. The animal cruelty alone would be enough of an issue for me, but from your posts it sounds as though there is yet more going on.

speakout · 21/09/2018 13:57

AynRandTheObjectivist

I agree.

This type of cruelty speaks volumes about the character of a person.

MaxTeyon · 21/09/2018 14:01

What else are you supposed to do with pests? Squirrels, rats, mice, wasps, flies? Where do you draw the line? I was brought up to shoot grey squirrels (although my grandad used to trap then drown them) so I’m quite happy using mouse traps etc when required.

womanintrousers · 21/09/2018 14:02

Cruelty to animals?
He's using an approved pest control method - you might not like it but like mice, rats and pigeons moles are a pest species and it is not 'animal cruelty' to dispatch them swiftly with no pain.

Personally moles don't bother me at all and I leave them to run their course but it is absurd to suggest that killing a pest is 'animal cruelty'

Mishappening · 21/09/2018 14:05

I can understand how you are feeling - he was out of order.

As an aside, the best way of getting rid of moles is to get a birthday card that plays happy birthday and take the mechanism out and put it in the mole run - they hate that noise!!

maxthemartian · 21/09/2018 14:07

I hate that certain animals are designated "a pest" just because they annoy us.
I can reluctantly concede having to cull animals who pose a health risk but moles ffs?

SirVixofVixHall · 21/09/2018 14:07

I would be v upset too op. I love moles and happily have them in my garden.
Hosepipe down their burrow might well drown them.
I really feel that until humans learn to live alongside and be tolerant of other creatures our planet will continue on its way to destruction. Obviously if something is a danger to health, then something needs to be done. I have wasp traps to trap the straggler males in late Summer as I’m allergic to the sting. But otherwise I leave most things alone and avoid killing anything wherever possible. Moles are gorgeous little things.

speakout · 21/09/2018 14:11

Why would you kill a squirrel??

Seriously.

MaxTeyon · 21/09/2018 14:11

It’s worth noting that any live moles you catch must be killed (humanely of course)

speakout · 21/09/2018 14:12

I live in the countryside, moles, squirrels, mice, voles, insects are all a part of everyday life.

We need to adjust our environments so we can live together.

Why would a mole bother someone?

MaxTeyon · 21/09/2018 14:14

Why would you kill a squirrel??

Because greys are vermin and should be treated as such. You used to be able to get cash from the post office for each grey tail you handed in. Reds on the other hand...

thetemptationofchocolate · 21/09/2018 14:17

You can trigger the traps where he has set them, just give them a joggle and they will probably snap shut, so that they pose no danger to the moles. Your husband will think he has a very clever mole as his enemy and will probably go out and buy some hugely technological mole-repelling machine instead :)

womanintrousers · 21/09/2018 14:18

Why a mole might bother someone:

They are a keen gardener with a pristine lawn
They are a golfer or own a gold club
They are pastural farmer (cattle and horse can break legs down mole holes)
They are an arable farmer (moles damage crops and reduce productivity)

I am a shepherd and sheep live well along side moles but not everyone who kills a mole is a psychopath!

wombat1a · 21/09/2018 14:29

How would you & the DH planning to kill the humanly caught mole then? I am serious curious about this, catch and release on someone else land is a nasty thing to do, do you also approve of fly tipping?

madeoficecream · 21/09/2018 14:29

YANBU

id also be livid. Id be having words.... and by words i mean shouting and tears.