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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So fucking angry with DH

182 replies

Bobbybear10 · 21/09/2018 13:05

This might not seem like a massive issue to some but I can feel my blood boiling and could do with either some calming words or an idea of how to confront this situation!

We have moles in our garden. They are a pain but there aren’t too many at the moment and if it gets too bad we discussed a couple of humane traps.

I told DH I was really against mole catchers/traps (that you place in one of their tunnels and they literally slice the mole in half as it runs through) that I found them barbaric and I really don’t want them used in my garden.

I have just watched ‘d’H dig up and reset a mole catcher in the garden.

I’m so angry that 1, he just blatantly ignored my wishes 2, lied to me like I’m a fucking gullible twat 3, thinks it’s ok to use such a device.

AIBU and what is my next move?

OP posts:
furandchandeliers · 22/09/2018 16:14

@UseditUpandWoreitOut not really she lives in France.

AynRandTheObjectivist · 22/09/2018 16:19

I didn't know there was more than one type of killing trap for moles. If I'd said I didn't want to use a slicer, I'd have meant that I didn't want them killed. I'd imagine OP meant the same.

Hanyu · 22/09/2018 16:23

I don't think he's being sneaky, he did it in full view of her, he simply didn't discuss it with her and he says because she always kicks off.

Isn't that just man speak for "I couldn't be arsed discussing it with you, so just went ahead and did as I liked"?

MagnaDoodle · 22/09/2018 18:20

I’d go off my nut if I had to discuss every little thing with DH to be honest. I just get on with things. I might ask an opinion if I’m not sure about something but generally speaking I don’t bother. Doesn’t bother him at all.

Bluntness100 · 22/09/2018 22:28

I didn't know there was more than one type of killing trap for moles. If I'd said I didn't want to use a slicer, I'd have meant that I didn't want them killed

Oh right, and the husband should know that? Okdoke. If I said I didn't want a slicer used, that's exactly what I would have meant. I wouldn't assume my husband should know I'm ignorant on the subject matter and translate it to mean something else entirely .

And hanyu, no, it's not man speak, because I'm female, and sometimes I do things I don't discuss with my husband because I can't be arsed arguing about it or sometimes I simply do as I please and don't seek his opinion. As do most of the adult women I know. Being all grown up and not needing our husbands opinion or approval.

ShmooBooMoo · 22/09/2018 22:47

He's a horrible shit. I couldn't be married to someone capable of that. Angry

MissConductUS · 23/09/2018 01:26

The sensible solution is to use a larvicide that keeps the grubs from reproducing. The moles then move on in search of food elsewhere. Moles destroyed our lawn until we did this.

Anastassiabeaverhausen · 23/09/2018 01:40

He's horrible and clearly you have bigger issues as well. You don't feel he respects you.

Lots of deliberately obtuse posters on this thread.

MeltingSnowflake · 23/09/2018 01:59

Lots of deliberately obtuse posters on this thread.

^this.

I would be absolutely livid! But I agree with you OP, that this is about more than the moles. You need a serious conversation about respect for each other, and if he is unresponsive, take steps to boost your own self respect/self-confidence. Do you feel confident and self-assured?

GoldenMcOldie · 23/09/2018 02:10

"The biggest vermin on this planet are human beings, what would you suggest we do with them?"

^This. Starting with MaxTeyon #banjosinthebackground

Charolais · 23/09/2018 02:10

I have a gopher problem. I flush the holes/tunnels with a product they hate. I buy it in the garden center. It's not poison. I'd never hurt the little buggers. A hose pipe full on stuffed down the hole pisses them off as well.

Hanyu · 23/09/2018 03:22

Bluntness, they did discuss it though, and whatever the OP actually said, she did seem to make it pretty clear that she had strong opinions on the subject.

He cared more about getting his own way than the OP's feelings. A decent, caring guy would have discussed it further and come to a compromise.

AynRandTheObjectivist · 23/09/2018 08:53

Oh right, and the husband should know that? Okdoke.

Why would he not know that, if he's had a conversation and listened to the OP? Oh, wait...

If I said I didn't want a slicer used, that's exactly what I would have meant.

Well, it's not what I or the OP meant, so I guess not everyone has exactly the same thought processes as you. Astonishing!

I know that you hate moles, Bluntness, but you're allowing that to override everything the OP is saying about her relationship and the disrespect in it. It's verging on intellectual dishonesty.

ButAIBUtho · 23/09/2018 09:11

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AynRandTheObjectivist · 23/09/2018 09:30

Well actually the moles do seem to be a red herring, because OP has stated over and over again that she doesn't feel that her husband listens to her or respects her opinion. This is just a particularly distressing example.

speakout · 23/09/2018 09:40

ButAIBUtho

It's not rocket science.

OP feels strongly about something and her OH is riding roughshod over her feelings.
She has said that this is not an isolated incident- that he has form for disrespecting her.

Which part of that don't you understand?

It doesn't take a psychologist to understand the situation.

ButAIBUtho · 23/09/2018 09:44

Ah yes Speakout because relationships, situations and the world are that simple and that black and white aren't they?

And no one must every fall out, or get things wrong without questioning their entire relationship. Hmm

speakout · 23/09/2018 09:46

ButAIBUtho

I bow to your expert knowledge.

ButAIBUtho · 23/09/2018 09:53

My expert knowledge? You mean, common sense? Rationlism?

Yes, that is a little more sensible than armchair psychology of a relationship that I know nothing more than one thread and one fall out about.

harshbuttrue1980 · 23/09/2018 09:57

No trap that kills is humane. Get a live capture trap and release them in the countryside. That's what I've always done with mice.

RedneckStumpy · 23/09/2018 12:32

My nan hits them in the head with a hammer

When DS was 14 his first job was rodent control at a corn storage barn. In his first shift he was given a torch and a hammer and told to get on with it.

GoldenMcOldie · 23/09/2018 12:49

Redneck - surely a joke? If not, not something to be proud of.

AlevelConfusion · 24/09/2018 17:31

In his first shift he was given a torch and a hammer and told to get on with it.

And did he? Because I know my teens would absolutely refuse to do that God there's some horrible people aboutHmm

BlueSuffragette · 24/09/2018 17:37

I got rid of moles by buying cheap children's windmill toys and sticking them in the lawn. The wind blows the sails and the stick/ shaft vibrates in the ground which scares the moles. Stick them near the mounds the moles make so the windmill stick in near the underground tunnels the moles use. The moles went elsewhere. Problem solved, no traps. Husband sounds like he doesn't respect your wishes.

CSIblonde · 24/09/2018 18:20

Is lying to you normal for him? I couldn't be with someone who thought a) it was OK to lie to me and b) killed harmless animals. Why couldn't he discuss with you more re humane traps if he's that bothered (I know you didn't want any but it's better than cruel kill one's).

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