to ask you what it was like when you first held your baby?

[Tamiah]

Sorry, this is my second post tonight! I just joined MN (though have had the app for a long time!) and have had two questions floating around my head that I wanted to ask, so here goes number two...

I was having a discussion today with a colleague, who was trying to describe to me what it was like when she first held her baby. I have struggled to bond with my son/daughter as we have had a few bumps along the way and I've felt a bit detached at certain points in my pregnancy. Hearing her today telling me about the wave of emotions she felt, including the live she never knew she had in her, for a tiny baby that she created really helped me to feel more positive about giving birth.

WIBU to ask you to describe (or try to!) what you felt when you saw your baby for the first time?

I can imagine it's such a hard thing to describe - sorry if I've asked for the impossible!

Oops. Love not live!

With DD1, I was totally underwhelmed, I just looked at her thought “So this is it?” I was absolutely exhausted though and tore quite badly pushing her out so I was a little traumatised by it all.

DD2 was an ELCS and I immediately got that rush of love everyone talks about when I first saw her.

I didn’t have a wave of anything but there was more of a comfortable feeling of ‘oh there you are’.

Then I was just overwhelmed and nervous which she had no time for

Not a wave of emotion as I was pretty high on morphine! Can’t remember much about the way I felt but I know it took me a few weeks to actually bond and feel the love rush thing.

Relief that labour was over! That’s about it really, for a while anyway. Many people don’t experience the overwhelming rush of love thing.

I've got 3 boys. I don't remember anything apart from feeling shock "oh god this baby has just came out of me"

First time I felt nothing but knackered and tetchy, and they put the baby straight on my bare chest and I just wanted him off!

Second time I fell madly in love, just like you hope to.

My main feeling was of relief - I was relieved not to be pregnant anymore and that I had delivered her safely.

I was so out of it from the drugs I didn't really take it in. Never got the rush of love thing. She's the best kid in the world now though, obviously!

Cried, relieved he was ok, loved him overwhelmingly instantly. A LOT of women don’t feel that rush of love though, it’s very normal.

“Thank f%#k that’s over” and “wow she has loads of hair”...I would say the ‘wave’ came when i bf her in the middle of that night on the ward and it seemed just me and her awake

Relieved, overwhelmed, scared, tearful and love. I did feel that ‘rush’ and didn’t struggle with bonding or attachment but I wasn’t very well myself so it was a bit fraught.

It’s different for everyone and it can take time to bond for some people but they are captivating and really change your perspective on everything.

Oh yes, also ‘fucking hell - FIVE KILOS?’

It’s a very blurry memory. Difficult birth, lots of drugs. I don’t remember feeling very much towards him. I was a bit numb for the first month or so. I went through the motions and took good care of him but it was because I had to not because I wanted to. The love came slowly for me. He’s nearly 16 months now and I couldn’t possibly love him any more. He’s my world but I certainly didn’t get that wave of overwhelming love at first.

Overwhelmed with relief as she was out safe after a very traumatic labour. Then love and absolute joy when I saw her face and felt the weight of her on my chest. And strangely a strong feeling of familiarity, not sure whether it’s because she looked loads like her dad or whether I felt like I knew her from carrying her. Only bit of my labour I really remember clearly to be honest and the best moment of my life x

Relief. He was rushed down to special care when born so it was a couple of hours before I could hold him properly. It also felt so strange as he had wires etc so I had to be extra careful.

The first time I got to hold him back in my hospital room on my own was much better.

I did have the overwhelming rush of love thing - and also just the most amazing high in general, it lasted about two days. BUT so many people I know didn't and they're all wonderful mums with fantastic bonds with their children - it makes no difference at all whether you feel that bond 3 seconds, 3 weeks or 3 months after they arrive, as far as I can see. So if picturing your little one arriving makes you feel good in pregnancy go for it, but don't be at all worried if that isn't how things work out for you.

The first hours are a blur, at some point before going home I looked at my baby and felt she was amazing, I was so fucking proud of myself for making something so perfect. I was in awe really at how amazing the female human body is to create such a wonderful thing.

I was amazed he was alive, also was not amazed he was a "he" but everyone else was, scans were incorrect, as of course they can be. But yeah, no rush of love, a massive rush of hormones, a it of "Oh Fuck", a bit of wonder at the smallness and perfectness and then the realisation that I was a parent now and I was going to come second to the baby forever.

I fell in love with him by degrees, he is five now, I have another son who is 3 and we are all really close and I wouldn't be without them. However, that have been periods of disconnection, just how life goes.

One baby I felt like I knew her already. I didn't bond much with her in pregnancy but she stared up into my eyes and it was an amazing 'coming home' type feeling. The first question I asked though was 'is it normal' as she had a weird cone shaped head.

The other one was stuck in the birth canal for ages and came out angry and screaming. I thought she looked weird and really cross. She had her eyes screwed up and we didn't really have that wow moment, I was just trying to stop her crying. She eventually fell asleep. Turned out she had a neck issue from being squashed inside me and once we got that sorted she is so happy

Very different experiences and I took a bit longer to bond with the second (maybe about 10 - 12 weeks) but now feel exactly the same about them

Don't panic if you don't feel the rush of love, it's also common to have a wtf type feeling. And doesn't mean the love won't come

Oh fuck fuck fuck we have a baby what the hell have we done oh fuck we have a baby!

Or something along those lines :-)

Definitely not overwhelming love, but feeling protective and a little worried - DD was quite mucousy in the first 10 minutes or so and sounded a little scary. Also slightly surreal, like being in a dream that doesn't quite make sense.

I was expecting the wave of love that people talk about, but instead felt a strange recognition, as though he'd been someone I'd been waiting for and he was finally here. I can't really describe it, it was the strangest but most familiar feeling. I clearly remember thinking "so here you are".

I felt relief that the labour was over and then just really overwhelmed. Didn't really get the rush of love feeling till few weeks later when hormones had gone down and everything didn't hurt so much and I relaxed and then one day just looked at him and couldn't believe how much I loved him

When I had my first I was expecting this "rush" of love and tears of joy mainly because everyone had told that's what happens. It didn't though, I felt relief that Labour was over, I didn't cry, my Ds cried and cried for an age after he was put on my chest, I had no rush of love, I beat myself up for not feeling it for months after (pretty ridiculous really as of course I love him) for me it was a gradual bond building as I got to know him. With my second I had her in the car park so I was more interested in getting into the hospital again no rush no tears but I love them both to pieces, don't worry we are all different and so react in different ways x