to ask you what it was like when you first held your baby?

[Tamiah]

Sorry, this is my second post tonight! I just joined MN (though have had the app for a long time!) and have had two questions floating around my head that I wanted to ask, so here goes number two...

I was having a discussion today with a colleague, who was trying to describe to me what it was like when she first held her baby. I have struggled to bond with my son/daughter as we have had a few bumps along the way and I've felt a bit detached at certain points in my pregnancy. Hearing her today telling me about the wave of emotions she felt, including the live she never knew she had in her, for a tiny baby that she created really helped me to feel more positive about giving birth.

WIBU to ask you to describe (or try to!) what you felt when you saw your baby for the first time?

I can imagine it's such a hard thing to describe - sorry if I've asked for the impossible!

Absolute relief that the labour was over as it was quite bad. Relief that he was okay. Other than that it was just kind of surreal I suppose, I was so drugged up and out of it still that I couldn’t really take it all in. He’s 1 now and I am head over heels in love with him now, he’s definitely for keeps

Too tired and drugged up to feel anything unfortunately.

I got a high from the relief of it being over and us both being ok (I’m a dramatic kind of person)
I felt comfortable with them from the start but didn’t get the rush ever. It was more gentle than that.

I didn't get to hold him for 36 hours - they sort of waved him at me as he was born and then legged it - so it was all a bit surreal really. No rush of love, but no problem bonding

No with all 3 I was happy it was over. Happy baby was safe. Felt proud of them and myself. The love rush came a few days later.. I loved them and was overjoyed but the rush pretty much came when my milk came in.

I didn't get the rush of love thing, it was more 'oh there you are.' It was kind of like how I imagine it would be to reunite with a much-loved person in heaven (I don't actually believe in heaven, but bear with). Just that instant recognition and 'where did you get to?'

That was quickly followed by 'you were right Doc, 9 pounds of baby really would not have made it out of my vag by itself.'

No rush/wave. Much more like concern - he was early and skinny and I knew nothing about babies and no ‘instinct’ either so was worried about whether he was comfy . The mega love came but it was nowhere near instant.

1st baby I was just in shock as it happened so quickly. I was shaking too much to hold them.

2nd baby was elcs and completely magical, instantly besotted

I’m similar to many others tbh. I was expecting this rush of love but it didn’t really happen and I had a really good birth.
I kind of looked at him and thought oh he’s here and that was kind of it. I should point out that I adore him now, but no massive wave of love. It was kind of a bit like of an anticlimax tbh. Though it sounds terrible. I’ve never really mentioned it to anyone (except my DH, who agreed) as I always thought I was devoid of feeling!

I am so relieved to hear that it's normal not to have that rush of love! That's what I'm worried about not feeling. Good to know it's normal. Thanks to those who have responded already. It's amazing how different childbirth is for different women. I guess a lot of it must depend on what kind of labour/pregnancy you have had and your own character traits.

Thanks again!

I just counted his fingers and toes and was relieved that he was out safely. I tried to work out who he looked like and decided he looked like a wrinkly piglet. I didn’t get the rush of love until after a few weeks but we did have some breastfeeding issues and the labour was so knackering that I don’t think the whole thing sunk in for a long time! I didn’t bond with the pregnancy at all due to a previous loss so maybe that’s why it took a while. Definitely loved him to bits after a couple of weeks though.

I've only had C sections but laying flat hooked up to wires my only though each time was, fuck please don't let me drop them.
Once I was in recovery and could sit up a bit it was better but definitely no rush of love for me I was too panicked.

Everyone told me I'd feel like I'd known her my whole life and rush of love. I mostly felt guilt that I thought she was ugly and felt nothing for her. Love her to the moon and back now and think she's most beautiful girl in the world, but feel sad daily that I didn't get that initial rush of love. Great post- it's made me feel less alone

For background, had a very easy pregnancy but not a very easy birth as all the usual steps happened a lot quicker than everybody expected. It was drug free because everybody rushed around and at one point I got really scared as he midwife didn’t have anything ready, yet my daughter was already coming out without me even pushing. But when she was out and was put on my chest, I felt this big overwhelming feeling of love I’ve never felt for anybody before that. I know it probably sounds a bit soppy but I’ve never felt this for anybody else before, not even my mum and dad or my DP.

Chaotic. I was coming round from a general anethsethic and confused. Baby started breastfeeding immediately without me really initaing it so I just sat there with this newborn latched to my breast wondering WTF was going on.

Then when I came round I smugly thought I knew I’d have a perfect little baby girl. And here she is!

DS was born by elcs after a long labour had following 2mc

I was in disbelief that we finally had a baby. Didn’t get the rush of love. He’s almost 2 and I love him more than anything, but I still wouldn’t say I feel a rush of love. I am constantly kissing and hissing him though

First time I distinctly remember thinking this is exactly like I imagined it would be - which was really weird.

Second time total relief labour was over but also just looking at him and drinking in every detail. I'm glad I did that because I only got to hold him for 30 minutes and then they had to take him off for oxygen and to special care :( I didn't get to see him again for nearly 24 hours.

I was very ill after the birth of my first and he was in NICU after being born at 26 weeks so I didn't see him for a week. I was so scared I wouldn't recognise him, or would feel nothing. But the second I saw him, I felt a overwhelming rush of love, and then they put him on me for kangaroo care and his little heartbeat relaxed instantly and so did I, he was mine and I loved him fiercely.
It was an intensely traumatic time but the rush of love that tore through me was incredible.
But not everyone has that and that's totally normal too.

With my first who was c section, so I didn’t get to hold him right away, I felt such love, relief and disbelief.

With my second, who i and a natural birth with, it was honestly the best feeling I’ve ever felt. I felt wonderful because I’d achieved the v bac I wanted and to push this amazing slippery little thing and hold her on my chest...it’s hard to find the words, it’s just the best

An intense burst of relief that thirty nine sodding hours of sodding labour were finally over.
Then a combination of wow, love and "Oh crap, what the hell have I let myself in for?"
Thankfully he kept me occupied looking at his swollen funny little face that I was unaware of the doctor sewing back up my ravaged undercarriage.

I'm relieved I'm not the only mum who didn't feel a rush of love (each time) after giving birth.
DD1, just thank god it's over and what the hell am I supposed to do with this baby?
DS lovely pregnancy, easy birth, instant bonding, overwhelming surge of love
DD2, well that's over, can't wait to get home.
Bonded with the girls very quickly but not instantly. They're parents themselves now and I still love them as if they were my little children.

Just sheer relief that she survived. Last I knew, as I was given a GA, was that we were in crisis mode.

Relief that it was over, then a “Oh...hello” moment when she was put on my chest, and finally being a bit freaked out that she looked so much like my BIL.

Spent the next two days pretty much just staring at her, wondering how I made such a cute baby as DH and I both looked like potatoes

I thought 'Bloody hell, she looks like BIL'. In my defence, I'd had a lot of drugs and quite a tiring, traumatic labour! She had a slight ginger tinge to her hair which BIL has which I think put the idea in my head! She definitely doesn't look like him now!