to ask you what it was like when you first held your baby?

[Tamiah]

Sorry, this is my second post tonight! I just joined MN (though have had the app for a long time!) and have had two questions floating around my head that I wanted to ask, so here goes number two...

I was having a discussion today with a colleague, who was trying to describe to me what it was like when she first held her baby. I have struggled to bond with my son/daughter as we have had a few bumps along the way and I've felt a bit detached at certain points in my pregnancy. Hearing her today telling me about the wave of emotions she felt, including the live she never knew she had in her, for a tiny baby that she created really helped me to feel more positive about giving birth.

WIBU to ask you to describe (or try to!) what you felt when you saw your baby for the first time?

I can imagine it's such a hard thing to describe - sorry if I've asked for the impossible!

Should probably add that I had a traumatic birth with no 1 and was bleeding out. Second was a CSec.

I had twins and both of them had to be checked over in SCBU before I met them - DD1 had to have her lungs suctioned and so I ended up meeting DD2 first. The hospital was into skin to skin and I'd always wondered how you stop them from peeing on you, and it was then that I found out there's nothing to stop them peeing on you I feel terrible but I don't actually remember holding DD1 the first time, as I was knackered and still off my face on pethidine but I do remember meeting her for the first time - them being twins there was a lot more shuffling of babies and nappy changing and feeding and not a lot of sitting staring in awe, you know? I think the relationship grows with time. I have a lot more tender memories of the kids when they were about 6 months and up, specially once they started talking. Wee DD1 chattering in the supermarket when they were about 8m, and then when a man smiled at her, giving him an absolute killer of a dirty look. It was like the guy almost physically staggered back. She was so pissed off! Small babies are a bit boring tbh. You just look after them and wait for their personalities to develop.

'Oh, hello' was pretty much my first thought. Second and third were similar, I wanted a shower and wanted to get moving. It feels soooo awful to say but she was just on me and was in my way, I was being stitched and so scared of dropping her and was awfully uncomfortable (numb bum aswell as the stitching).

Very traumatic birth for me though I'm afraid.

Didn't feel the overwhelming rush of love until I was back on the ward on my own with her then I just cried for a hour straight with utter happiness and relief she was ok until my DH came back and had a little laugh at me, then cried himself!

She's now 9 months and I still feel that love!
She also still gets in my way though 🙄

Nothing In fact I remember thinking well this is shit she was seconds old but I think and believe because my Labour was so bad it really messed with my head. As within a few weeks we was inseparable. With my son I was more calmer and happy and I got the bond straight away.

Also can I just say this post has made me feel so relieved that I wasn't the only one who felt this. It's kind of eaten me up a little that I hadn't felt as happy as I 'should have done' so thanks for starting!!

Another one who didn’t really get the rush of love. She was born by emcs and as she was placed on my chest I just felt relief really, and a sense of calm and everything being right. I remember thinking ‘how couldn’t I picture you, of course that’s what you look like’. Although I was a bit concerned she only had one eye as she’d come out with her finger in one eye and didn’t open it for a good few minutes. Even feeding her in recovery felt normal and ‘right’ but not the overwhelming emotional moment I’d imagined.

I got really emotional looking at her on the car journey home, but even then it was more a fierce sense of protection and an overwhelming sense that life was never going to be the same. The next couple of months obviously everything revolved around her but I still don’t think the love had fully hit me. It was more survival mode, and just having to keep this little creature alive while surviving the sleep deprivation.

Now I feel overwhelming love every time I look at her and she’s clearly the best, cleverest, funniest, sweetest and most beautiful child in the whole world . No idea when that started, it was a gradual falling in love rather than a sudden wave.

I was actually talking about this with a couple of friends the other day who had vaginal births and I was surprised that they had felt the same. I’d assumed it was because of my cs (‘emergency’ due to failed induction following almost 24 hours of contractions, but not urgent so despite me being exhausted and a bit out of it it was all very calm). I though the rush of love must come along with the relief that I imagine you get after the adrenaline, pain and intensity of labour so it was nice to hear that my reaction wouldn’t necessarily have been any different. It helped me resolve the last tiny bit of sadness that I ended up with a CS. We all agreed that at first we clearly loved them and wanted to protect them, but the true love and bond came later as we got to know them. Judging by this thread that’s the case for the majority of people!

I felt a huge rush but it wasn’t a ‘love’ rush as such but I felt incredibly protective. I’ve never been violent in my life but it struck me like a thunderbolt when I held her that, if I had to, I could kill to protect her.
DH went to call family and when he walked back into the room I remember thinking really clearly ‘I could even kill you if I had to’. (Which is MAD, he is a gentle and wonderful man. ) It was a truly overwhelming feeling and I was aware it was a really weird thing to be thinking.
I was off my head on drugs though.

DS2, I was alarmed - he’d been lodged in my pelvis and had a cone head and super swollen testicles as a result, also very blue. I squealed “Is he meant to look like that?!?” To which I was told yes. (He’s actually a very beautiful child but he wasn’t then!)They plonked him on me while they stitched me up, and I was worried I was going to drop him because I was flinching so much. After they were done, I asked if I was allowed to shower and eat now - I’d just had enough of being poked and prodded and touched and I ached everywhere.

DS2, it was awesome. Easier birth, so I didn’t feel so wrung out and I really enjoyed holding him and feeling him pressed against me.

But OP, you don’t have to have a mad rush of love in the first seconds or days or weeks to love your child and be a good mum. It’s a lot to get your head around, so look after yourself as well - as long as baby is fed, clean, warm then s/he is happy - you don’t have to be a saint.

Shock and awe really. Thought she was beautiful and couldn't believe that that was the baby that had been inside me all that time. Then the real shock sank in and I felt nothing for a good while. I think she was about 6 weeks before I bonded properly with her. Now that was amazing and well worth the wait.

For me I was so relieved that he was out and I could finally put a face to the little personality that had kicked me senseless for 5 months. Born by c section he screamed for a full hour on full blast. It was an amazing feeling to finally see him!

I didn't feel much. We're 2 months in and I'm only starting to think I'm feeling something.

I was desperate to hold Dd, (traumatic birth), I knew I loved her, but looking at her and holding her was surreal, like I was taking part in a play.
I BF her, we went home, but it was kind of odd, like robotic, although I did all the right things.
One evening we were invited out for dinner, the friend of mine mainly held her all evening so I could eat, she dropped us home and as I went to put Dd to bed that night it hit me like a ton of bricks, I love her and there it is, I felt what I thought I would at birth.
That stomach feeling, that love, that everything.

Surreal and to be honest a lot of the first year felt like I was dreaming

"Ow, shit, what have you done to my vadge?" He wriggled and gave me friction burns. I'll remind him on my death bed. 😆

I remember thinking why am I still in pain? On one born every minute they all look so happy! Then I remember trying to muster up enthusiasm so the midwife didn't think I was weird Nothing compares to love I feel for him now, but no rush of love and it took a while to grow.

I was in shock for a while. I remember staring at her on the end of bed as if she had suddenly just appeared and was wondering what the hell had just happened. Then somehow (I don’t remember much) she was handed to me. She was this warm, slightly slimy wriggly thing and I had no idea how to hold her or to feed her but she knew and it was fine. I had no overwhelming love, just a bit overwhelmed as I wasn’t expecting to actually have a baby (infertility and miscarriage). Totally surreal. A few days later i took her upstairs by myself, I looked at her and knew I loved her then. I cried. Less shock for second (except induction happened way quicker than expected and I barely made it to labour suite before he arrived). Same warm and slimy solid wriggly thing and rush of love days after. I don’t remember so much of dd birth that I asked dh to take loads of photos. Unfortunately dh arrived 20 minutes after ds did so am gradually losing the memory of that too.

I had a really complicated pregnancy after a stillbirth, and also I had a planned section so I wasn't exhausted or in pain. So quite an unusual set of circumstances. I was just overwhelmed with love and relief. The most amazing thing that ever happened to me. There's this moment when they stop screaming because they've heard your heartbeat and know they're safe that is just beyond miraculous.

So that's my take. Not sure it was the same for her, mind you, she looked pretty freaked out

It was a bit of an out-of-body experience, I felt like I was in One Born Every Minute, like it wasn’t really happening to me if that makes any sense?!
Then DH told me we had a son and I just thought “Give him to me! I want him!”

As DS was delivered and the doctor held him up I looked at DP and my sister and said 'Oh is that my baby?' They both looked at me and said 'Err...yes' . Then he was handed to me and I thought 'Ah yes. You are mine.' Later on, in the middle of the night, I was sat on the hospital bed and I looked over at DS. He was staring at me from his cot (I know he couldn't see me properly!) so I scooped him up and spent the night cuddling him and just looking at him. I was amazed that we actually had a baby!

I felt the most overwhelming rush of love - she was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen and my eyes are tearing up just thinking of that moment.
I waited 6 years for my daughter (Infertility/IVF battle) and I feared that I'd built myself up to it too much and that the reality would be a let down.
It wasn't.
Wish I had a rewind button on life to experience that moment again ❤️

I think my first thought was something along the lines of 'thank fuck that's over'
And
'oh shit this is mine'

Swiftly followed by 'what the fuck am I supposed to do with him'

and

'I can't believe they're letting me go home with him I have no idea what I'm doing '

A short while later there was 'jesus Christ look at bruise on his head, that's got to hurt. Lying fucks told me it wouldn't hurt him' (scalp monitor). I then got very angry about said bruise. That was my big rush of emotion.

Not so much:
'omg I'm totally in love with this child and he's the most beautiful thing in the world'

but more :
'those little shits hurt my baby and now I am going to hurt them. I will open them up from tits to bits with a rusty knife so help me god as soon as I can stand they will feel my wrath!' *

A bit after that, and with ds wearing a cute little hat, I took a good look at him and decided that even though he looked a bit like a squashed gnome, that he really was the most wonderful creature I had ever seen.

He's nearly five now though and I still don't really know what I'm doing, so that never changed.

All of that being said, I loved him quite quickly (in the sense that I would be bereft if anything happened to him) but it definitely took a while to like him.

*all thought in a highly hormonal drugged up state, the midwives were actually amazing and if ds had been a girl I probably would have named him after one of the best ones.

With my first I felt very detached. I felt very numb when I saw him, I didn’t really feel anything, I kept looking at him but that was it. Holding him felt very perfunctory as opposed to something I actually wanted to do.

Holding my second one was the complete opposite and it felt amazing!!!

Shock, relief, fascination... An overwhelming sense of responsibility. Fear.

I got the rush on night 3, in hospital, in the room you were encouraged to take restless babies into so other mums could sleep, listening to late night radio.

I was shocked, relieved and a bit like ‘wtf is this grey alien thing you’ve put on me?’. As the cord was still attached she looked like she had way more limbs than she should (umbilical cords look really weird in person, and was much thicker than I thought it would be). I couldn’t believe I’d just pushed her out of me, it seemed surreal.

Shortly after I was just like, shit this stings (different pain to contractions but felt like forever before they stitched me up and gave me some pain relief for it). DH was crying, midwives were all saying how lovely she was and I just felt a bit numb from it all. But no matter what you read, watch, hear, nothing can actually prepare you for what labour feels like. I was very shakey from shock/lack of sleep & food.

Fell in love with her pretty soon though (in a few hours), once I felt more like myself. And I love her more than anything now, it just grows and grows (she’ll be 7 months next week).

Very different for me as my children are adopted. We met DS when he was 5 months old. He was tiny, weighed only 7,lbs but he was alert and so beautiful.
We spent an hour with him that day and another hour the next day. During that second visit I bonded with him. It was an actual moment when I fell totally in love with him
My DD was 2.5 when we first met and it was a much different experience. It took me about 2 years to fully bond with her.