to ask you what it was like when you first held your baby?

[Tamiah]

Sorry, this is my second post tonight! I just joined MN (though have had the app for a long time!) and have had two questions floating around my head that I wanted to ask, so here goes number two...

I was having a discussion today with a colleague, who was trying to describe to me what it was like when she first held her baby. I have struggled to bond with my son/daughter as we have had a few bumps along the way and I've felt a bit detached at certain points in my pregnancy. Hearing her today telling me about the wave of emotions she felt, including the live she never knew she had in her, for a tiny baby that she created really helped me to feel more positive about giving birth.

WIBU to ask you to describe (or try to!) what you felt when you saw your baby for the first time?

I can imagine it's such a hard thing to describe - sorry if I've asked for the impossible!

I'm so sorry it's come onto your post by accident xxxx

I started crying when I heard him cry. It was a tough delivery and I couldn't see what was going on.
When I saw him I felt like I recognised him iyswim? Like I already knew him in some primal way. I had the same feeling when I met my nephew for the first time just less intense.

Was a bit meh tbh and glad Labor was over, was high on drugs until the next day and numb/not able to move from the waist Down either. Held her for a minute long after she was born and promptly had some toast and crashed out while the midwife fed her her first bottle.
Next few days still no rush but I wasn't seeking it, just sort of doddled along while dealing with the blues for a few days and recovering from the labor for a good few weeks.
Don't think I really felt anything until she was more interactive so about 6months old.

It's unrealistic high expectation to instantly love what is essentially a stranger even if it did come out of your vag/body. If you felt it straight away fab if you didn't then you have still built a bond in time that can't be replaced by another.

That my fanny hurt i didn't bond for a few days with DD

I felt really strange. I'd delivered 350 to other people before I had my own firstborn. I felt a huge protective rush of having a tiny life in my arms and that this little person was someone I'd kill for or die for. But I'd felt that with every other baby I'd dellivered and it was a bit deflating that there weren't angels singing or unicorns trotting around the bed when it was my own baby. I'd expected to feel a huge escalation of what the others were like. But it wasn't.

The extra rush came when it finally hit me that I didn't have to hand this one over to another mum to take home.

I think the worst thing you can do is expect that rush of love immediately. I always just knew I would feel that. I'd watch other people's birth videos and feel that for them! Would cry without fail every time. But with my own first labour and birth I felt totally detached. I guess you can detach yourself a bit as a method of pain management. I don't know, but I needed an emergency ventouse because her heart rate had dropped and when they flopped her straight on to me I felt nothing but shock. And then a huge wave of nausea and demanded someone take her away before I was sick on her. I don't remember any other feeling. I remember feeling proud when holding her next time. But didn't get big overwhelming feelings like I thought I would. I had two more children, much calmer home water births and did get that instant love. But it's not something you can plan for.

Relief firstly then panic... what the hell do I do now type thing... but was lovely. Was great to see him but yeah defo panic!

Honestly it’s like some weird first date
It’s ok not to get a rush of love straightaway -I just remember looking at this baby and thinking ‘oh yes. Ill have to take her home with me ‘
Was surreal

Responsible!

I was in some sort of alternate universe for the first few hours and just needed a kip (I love my sleep) when DS1 was born; his labour was hard and long and exhausting. I think i felt that 'rush' a few days later when suddenly I looked at him and burst into tears at the immensity of it all.

DS2 was different and his labour was lovely, to there wasn't that 'meh' exhaustion. I held him and think I loved him from the very first moment. Even now I feel a little guilty that my feelings for them were different from their first moment.

I don't think I've ever admitted that before.

Mainly relief to be honest. She was prem and was told to expect her not to cry so when she did straight away I've never heard a better noise but I'd say more relief than love. I don't remember the next about 2 hours at all but I remember when DP went home and was just the two of us I sat holding her just staring and prodding a bit and then I felt quite overwhelmed with it all. Don't think I'll have another so it makes me sad to think I won't have that again!

“Where’s it’s willy!” were my honest to god first thoughts. Then, “fuck, it’s a girl! I can’t believe it’s a girl!” And then, “oh the head is all bloody but people always kiss the top so I better had to look normal to all the doctors/midwives.” So I kissed the top of her head, then felt this amazing relief, and then this amazing hunger because I hadn’t eaten all day and just like that my appetite was back 😄 best feeling of relief ever and then fear of looking at my now empty wobbly belly under the sheet...Oh then back to “shit it’s really a girl!” I didn’t feel that sweeping love, I felt relieved, and I remember looking at my husband seeing him wiping his eyes and wondering why I wasn’t crying! I didn’t cry for about 3-4 days. And I cry at everything. I think it was the shock. You’ve just gone through a huge thing, and everyone deals with things differently. I do wish I’d cried and had that love though because I positively burst with love for her now every time I think about her, she is the absolute best thing that has ever happened to me!

delivered onto my tummy - felt shock, then huge surge of love, then felt hugely protective, as if I would kill anyone who tried to hurt them!

I felt like I recognised her as she looked like me. I felt so incredibly blessed that first night in hospital to have her there.

I cried at all four and immediately loved them. I was quite shocked at how fast that all happened.....

'Thank Christ that's over' and 'so glad she doesn't look like a cabbage patch kid' were my immediate thoughts... I've never felt the rush of love though, I loved her before I was born and it's just grown stronger over time. I'd snap anyone that tried to hurt her and she's very much the centre of my world. I couldn't imagine life without her now but definitely remember what it was like before lol

First of all health checks, are they ok, do they have everything, curiosity of their body and face. Then realisation of exhaustion, relief we were both breathing, then love

Took me nearly 2.5 years to feel actual love, but my eldest is now 11 and we are really close - everyone gets there at their own pace, and it made me feel awful that it took so long, but it’s not a race and babies are hard work

Panic because he wasn't breathing properly, dh was asked to quickly cut the cord and he was whisked away for a paediatrician to work on him and then rushed to special care.

When I got to take him out of the incubator later he had various wires attached and I just didn't really feel like he was my baby for a while. Somebody else had put his first nappy on, his first clothes (which weren't those that we'd picked out for him) and somebody else was caring for him. I was grateful for the care he was receiving but a little sad that these firsts weren't ours to share.

Later when he stabilised, he came to join me in the postnatal ward and it felt magical to hold him and be the one taking care of him. Though I was frightened of breaking him.

It took me a while to get over our first few days, it wasn't what I was expecting at all. It's all good now though, there have been many other firsts and we are extremely well bonded. Be kind to yourself OK.

Relief that the labour was over, didnt really feel the rush of love people harp on about? I was still a bit away with the fairies beacause of the gas and air. I had DD put on my chest, couldn't even get a look at her face could only see the top of her head. I had a pretty bad tear so within minutes the midwife had ushered another midwife, and a consultant to have a nosy at my bits 🙈 The bottom of the bed was took away my legs were stuck up in stirrups and the consultant started stitching away, I found it quite hard to enjoy those first moments with my DD with every man and his dog having a look at my vagina, and then having this guy I've never seen in my life putting 30 odd stitches down there and it took so long the local anaesthetic kept wearing off so I was continuously being jabbed with needles down below, and because the bottom of the bed had been taken away and DD was such a slippery little thing I was terrified she was gonna slide down my body, between my legs and onto the floor 😂 So you can imagine with all that going on it was pretty hard to feel that 'rush of love'

When I got her home the next day I definitely did feel it though, I was sat holding her in my arms staring at her little face and talking to her, and I just burst into happy tears. I think after the whole drama of labour it's tough to feel anything other than shock, relief etc? But it does come eventually when you get a calm moment

I'm 8 weeks pregnant now and I really hope I have a nicer experience this time. Not to say my first was a bad experience, but I was really looking forward to feeling euphoric and emotional holding my baby for the first time, and I think I was a little disappointed when it didn't happen. Although reading through this thread I think it's fairly common to not feel that way so I won't beat myself up about it.

I didn’t feel a rush of love but I definitely felt a familiarity like lots of other posters have mentioned. I just remember looking at his face thinking, yes, I know you. Having not been able to really picture what he’d be like during pregnancy, as soon as I clapped eyes on him, it just seemed so obvious to me that of course that’s what he would look like. He just felt right and I knew he was mine and the love I felt for him felt like an old love that I hadn’t known was there before rather than a sudden rush of love. I honestly felt pretty bloody amazing post birth - just really really happy and a real sense of pride.

DC1: I asked the Midwife who did the baby belonged to?

It was all very surreal. I think I was in shock.

it was I felt tired, relieved I didn't have to push anymore, I didn't feel the 'rush'. I mainly felt terrified the first night and woke up every 20 mins to check her breathing despite being exhausted. I loved her but she was at least a few months old when she held my gaze one day just after I had fed her, and it was like realising you're in love with someone.

Not much. I was knackered. I wish I could say it was beautiful. It wasn’t.

I looked down at this little wrinkly pink thing and knew that I would never know a love so strong and unshakable