to ask you what it was like when you first held your baby?

[Tamiah]

Sorry, this is my second post tonight! I just joined MN (though have had the app for a long time!) and have had two questions floating around my head that I wanted to ask, so here goes number two...

I was having a discussion today with a colleague, who was trying to describe to me what it was like when she first held her baby. I have struggled to bond with my son/daughter as we have had a few bumps along the way and I've felt a bit detached at certain points in my pregnancy. Hearing her today telling me about the wave of emotions she felt, including the live she never knew she had in her, for a tiny baby that she created really helped me to feel more positive about giving birth.

WIBU to ask you to describe (or try to!) what you felt when you saw your baby for the first time?

I can imagine it's such a hard thing to describe - sorry if I've asked for the impossible!

Billywig
I'm laughing at squashed gnome.
Dd looked like a cone headed monkey

Though I remember sitting in the Drs with her for her 6 week check and feeling quite sorry for the other parents who didn't have a child as cute/beautiful/amazing as mine.

For me it was an utterly instinctual, primal sense of 'you're mine'!

Can't remember that well but I remember lying in recovery for hours with baby on boob being strangely bored out of my brain and just wanting to sleep and then get the hell out of there. Seemed like hours and hours, isn't really a nice memory to be honest!

When I first saw and when I first held my baby happened 12 days apart because she was born premature at 26 weeks.

Thoughts on first seeing her: Thank god, she's breathing, followed by overwhelming feelings of relief and elation. I hadn't slept for 48 hours straight and giving birth had been grim but I felt like I was walking on air, it was utterly surreal.

She was then rushed to the neonatal unit and ventilated in an incubator. To cut a very long story short she deteriorated rapidly and almost died three times, so when she was finally stable enough for me to hold her it was one of the most emotional moments of my life. I cried tears of happiness and felt the incredible bond that I had been yearning for while everything had been in limbo and all I could do was touch her hand through a window in the incubator.

We spent 107 days on that neonatal unit and the day we finally took her home was equally as emotionally overwhelming.

Baby 1- I just felt pleased labour was over and there was no rush of love or all the other stuff. I just felt stunned and felt guilty I didn't immediately have all that stuff. I didn't develop a bond with him for a few weeks.

Baby 2- immediate feelings of love. He smelt amazing and I just felt he was perfect and all mine. To be fair baby 2 turned into a monstrous toddler . . . who I sometimes curse loudly

First one was just amazement and love and all that jazz.
Second one was firstly just absolute relief. Relief that my pregnancy was over, relief that the horrendous pain is suffered through the end of my pregnancy was over and the pain of childbirth was over too (back to back baby, no pain relief as wasn't enough time)
Then once that passed, I was all loved up with him.

Well she instantly peed on me so I laughed. And then I haven’t really stopped drinking her in since (she’s now nearly two).

"Wow, so there really was a baby inside of me!" I had a c section and it did not feel natural at all, I was just shown my baby and then she was taken away to be cleaned up/assessed. Whilst they were stitching me up, DH held her until I could (Which was a lot later). I feel like I missed that opportunity. After speaking to a few other c section ladies, they had a chance to hold their baby straight away and skin to skin. I was just in awe and too afraid to ask, first baby so did not know what to expect as was an emergency c section also! I was worried my baby would not bond with me or want me and only DH.
She's 5 months now, and is so attached to me and I love her so much. (still have to lose the dreaded baby weight + more... )

The best most happily ecstatic overwhelming moment of my life !!!

And before I get called smug -
Difficult long labour
Found out "d"p had cheated on me so I was single from around 3 months pregnant causing a complete change in the life I was used to and a Difficult and depressing pregnancy due to these circumstances and also I sick for the most of it
Also felt very detached

But never looked back since the second he was here

DD was that I couldn't believe she was here and this was it now I am a mummy. Also the instant relief of nausea, I'd had that the entire pregnancy.
DS was that he had hairy ears like my father in law

DS1 I was totally shocked at how tiny he was. He was actually almost 8 pounds but I’d never seen a newborn before. I was convinced something was wrong with him.
DS2 I was feeling relaxed after a great birth experience and I did feel instant love for him. Not a big rush, more of a gentle sense of happiness and wellbeing.

Didn't feel any rush of love but I did feel extremely protective of her. Also that she was very beautiful (she was and is everyone has and does comment on how lovely she is) and also relieved she had arrived safe and well.

@BillywigSting hilarious! Mine was a cone headed lizard. DSD came up with this. She literally had a massive cone head and big black eyes. I couldn't disagree!!

A mixture of:

• someone please take this baby off me because I'm shaking so much from the spinal that I'm going to drop it
• I'm meant to be saying she's beautiful but she's so wrapped up in a towel that I can't even see her face
• god I want to sleep

I was off my bit on all the drugs. I was completely overwhelmed by it all and I just wanted to hold her and never let go. Unfortunately I then threw up and passed out so it was very short lived!

I felt a deep rush of love and protection. Burst into tears, looked deeply into his eyes (as I remember it he was looking into my eyes too but I'm not sure that can be right). Then I was shocked as got the gender wrong. Then I had a huge 2 day high, felt wonderful and peaceful. Then a week of raging anxiety.

Frankly:

"I am the most awesome being on the earth for getting through that, I am an UNSTOPPABLE WARRIOR GODDESS"
"What the fuck is this red bloody screaming thing?"
"Everybody says this is my baby, so I guess it is..? Could someone take it away now so I can eat?"

He's 4 now and I adore him. DC2 I was a bit more "present" for the birth and felt more of the immediate connection. I felt awesome immediately after the birth of DC1 but frankly wasn't that enamoured of the actual baby.

I don't think it matters very much what you feel in those first moments. Birth does some very funny things and is often the culmination of hours of pain and disorientation. What matters is the days and weeks and months after that.

Pure relief. And then when I looked at baby I felt like I'd met him or seen him somewhere before. It was so strange. Definitely didn't feel overwhelming love straight away.

I took a few days for me to feel that love but when I did. My god. I just started howling. Like a wolf. Very odd. But there you go.

@CountessVonBoobs I am an UNSTOPPABLE WARRIOR GODDESS

I'm about to go and tell myself this in the mirror 10 times Cool Runnings style 🙋🏽‍♀️

Should also say my pregnancy was terrifying and we thought there was something serious wrong, I didn't bond with the bump / foetus in any way and really believed something would go badly wrong in labour - so not a great build up...

I had an emergency Caesarian after a long labour and was so exhausted I kept drifting in and out of sleep.

I can't remember exactly what I felt when DD was handed to me, but I think it was, something like, "so that's the person who was there all along". DD's face was puffy (which is normal), but I could see she was a pretty child.

A photo taken at the time shows me gazing at her and looking very happy. I wasn't aware of the camera.

@Cattenberg my mum is going to be in the room with me (I know, some people find this weird. She's a retired midwife who will ensure my wishes are listened to however much better than DP!). She's also designated photographer. I hear so many people say it's all a blur and they don't remember bits - I want photos of everything

I am an UNSTOPPABLE WARRIOR GODDESS

That's how I felt, too. I took this selfie of myself (I never normally take selfies) about two hours after I'd given birth, while DH had gone to get something from the car. I was convinced I was an amazing superwoman, and wanted to capture this glowing triumph. I was astonished when I looked at it a few days later to see this pale, drawn and exhausted looking woman - I had only finished being stitched up about half an hour before that picture, and it shows! (I still sort of treasure it, though)

She's also designated photographer. I hear so many people say it's all a blur and they don't remember bits - I want photos of everything

Your mum is probably more on the ball than my DH so this may go without saying - but make sure she gets one of you with the baby in which your nipples aren't on show, so that you can show it to other people if you want to! Every single one of me and DS in hospital my boobs are centre stage...