Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was this a wierd thing for me to mention?

466 replies

UsualName · 19/09/2018 17:01

I get nervous in social situations. So my 'normal' monitor is slightly off - please tell me your views...

My DS went to a party recently. At the end there were some toys for each child to take home (I won't say what in case I'm recognised!). There seemed to be about 4 leftover on the floor and my DD wanted to take one home for her younger brother. As it would save arguments back home, I thought I would ask the birthday boy's parent if we could take one extra. She said it was fine (although did not seem overly enthusiastic) as she thought she had bought a few extra.

Later that day she posted a message on the party WhatsApp group saying that some people had not taken their toy home and would anyone like her to bring it to school drop off for them.

I felt really bad and have been worrying that she perhaps resented me taking one extra. So at school pick up today I said that I hoped it was OK for me to take one extra and did she have enough?
She behaved as though I had made her feel really uncomfortable. She muttered it was OK and she had spares, but the look on her face and body-language showed that she felt really uncomfortable and thought I was odd or something. She could not get away from me quickly enough. Usually we could chat a little if we bump into each other on the school run, so it was noticeable that she did not want to engage.

Was it weird of me to mention this?

OP posts:
CoughLaughFart · 19/09/2018 17:03

Doesn’t seem like a major issue to me.

StepBackNow · 19/09/2018 17:10

Very rude of you to ask. I expect she thought so too.

TwitterQueen1 · 19/09/2018 17:11

You shouldn't have asked for an extra one at the party. It was rude IMHO. Siblings who haven't attended and who she didn't know don't qualify for presents / toys / party bags. She was clearly trying to be polite. And I'm afraid you wouldn't have helped matters by bringing the subject up again.

LorelaiRoryEmily · 19/09/2018 17:12

I wouldn’t have asked to take another toy. She probably thinks it’s was rude

HeywitchDoctor · 19/09/2018 17:12

personally i wouldnt have asked but i would just forget it now. it will only make u more self conscious

Original poster
UsualName · 19/09/2018 17:13

Couldn't she have said - "Actually I bought one for each child, so I'd better hold on to them just in case they forgot it". She could have basically said 'no'?

OP posts:
HeywitchDoctor · 19/09/2018 17:14

you said DS went to the party then said DD wanted to take one extra home.
how many kids did u have at the party

Knittedfairies · 19/09/2018 17:14

I think the weird thing was asking for a toy for the younger child in the first place.

ChangerChangerson · 19/09/2018 17:15

You shouldn't have asked in the first place. Give the woman a bit of breathing space because if her body language said she was uncomfortable it's not really fair on you to keep bringing it up in case she feels you put her in an awkward position.

SheCameFromGreeceSheHadaThirst · 19/09/2018 17:16

She behaved as though I had made her feel really uncomfortable

Perhaps you had made her really uncomfortable?

It is a bit off to ask to take something extra for another child. I've often been given an extra party bag for a sibling who wasn't at the party, and similarly I've given extra party bags for siblings if I've got spares, but I'd never ask for one, and if someone came up & asked me for a party bag for a child who wasn't at the party I'd think it was a bit Hmm, to be honest.

TheOrigBrave · 19/09/2018 17:16

I think you being nervous in social situations led you up ask for an extra toy, and that the other parent feels very awkward. She may be nervous in social situations, too.

What's done is done but learn for next time. It's quite rude to ask for things in that way.

Thirtyrock39 · 19/09/2018 17:16

It's hard to say no though when asked directly. You shouldn't have put her on the spot like that and she's clearly pissed of about it. It's not the end of the world though and sounds like she is overreacting.

Original poster
UsualName · 19/09/2018 17:16

Just to put it in perspective - it was a novelty toy. So similar to one of those glow-in-the-dark sticks or a stick of bubbles. It could have cost two pounds or so. That kind of thing.

OP posts:
Mercurial123 · 19/09/2018 17:17

She could have said no but you made her feel awkward by asking for an extra toy which is rude. YWBU.

Doyoumind · 19/09/2018 17:17

You shouldn't have asked. You put her in an awkward position where, possibly due to her own social anxieties, she felt uncomfortable saying no. You should never have put her in the position of making her feeling uncomfortable. You were cheeky. Was the party and one toy not enough?

FleeceDetective · 19/09/2018 17:17

What made you feel entitled to ask? You were rude.

TokyoSushi · 19/09/2018 17:18

Yep, cheeky to ask!

Mercurial123 · 19/09/2018 17:18

Usualname you don't seem to like the answers you are receiving. Stop trying to justify it you were very unreasonable.

AsAProfessionalFekko · 19/09/2018 17:19

Without being rude - could she have thought that you were being blunt asking and was embarrassed? I'd be mortified if a mum came over afterwards to ask if it was OK incase she had misread the post about some kids not taking their toy.

I'd always have too much party bag tat stuff and give it away anyway. It was a wee bit cheeky to ask but then I used to send a bag or cake home for sidings.

PassMeTheHaribosAmego · 19/09/2018 17:19

I don’t think you should have asked
You put her on the spot
If she had offered that’s completely different, imagine if everyone asked ?

SheCameFromGreeceSheHadaThirst · 19/09/2018 17:19

Couldn't she have said - "Actually I bought one for each child, so I'd better hold on to them just in case they forgot it". She could have basically said 'no'?

Well yes, she could have said no, but you put her on the spot, and it was probably awkward/embarrassing for her (given that you admit that she wasn't 'enthusiastic' about it) ~ ditto approaching her again about it today, when she was clearly uncomfortable.

I know you say that your ''normal' monitor is slightly off', but you noticed her being less than enthusiastic/uncomfortable on two occasions related to the party/toy scenario. What does that tell you?

Busyworkingbee · 19/09/2018 17:21

I'm in the minority here. But for a small toy like that I don't think you was rude.
I dunno, I'd see this as a none issue and hard to get worked up about.
What's done is done. Forget it and move on.
Although if you have anxiety like me, it will probably niggle at you.

Original poster
UsualName · 19/09/2018 17:21

OK, now I feel really bad.

I was not trying to justify it. I guess because I just said 'toy' I wanted to make sure you weren't imagining something big!

There were spares on the floor, so I thought it would not matter.

I will know next time.

God, this is actually making me cry.

OP posts:
AsAProfessionalFekko · 19/09/2018 17:22

And to be honest, I know that sometimes the path or least resistance seems the best but you will store up hassle for yourself if you give in to the children's demands!

What if one goes to a very fancy party and gets given a train set or football to take home? Will you feel the need to buy a second to keep harmony at home? It might be a couple of pounds here but when they get older...

Luvly12 · 19/09/2018 17:23

You say you get nervous in social situations but yet had the nerve to ask could you take an extra toy????? Hmm

I would never have asked.
But you did ask
And then you've brought it up to her again
Just let it go. Move on and maybe next time don't be so forward

Swipe left for the next trending thread