Was this a wierd thing for me to mention?

[UsualName]

I get nervous in social situations. So my 'normal' monitor is slightly off - please tell me your views...

My DS went to a party recently. At the end there were some toys for each child to take home (I won't say what in case I'm recognised!). There seemed to be about 4 leftover on the floor and my DD wanted to take one home for her younger brother. As it would save arguments back home, I thought I would ask the birthday boy's parent if we could take one extra. She said it was fine (although did not seem overly enthusiastic) as she thought she had bought a few extra.

Later that day she posted a message on the party WhatsApp group saying that some people had not taken their toy home and would anyone like her to bring it to school drop off for them.

I felt really bad and have been worrying that she perhaps resented me taking one extra. So at school pick up today I said that I hoped it was OK for me to take one extra and did she have enough?
She behaved as though I had made her feel really uncomfortable. She muttered it was OK and she had spares, but the look on her face and body-language showed that she felt really uncomfortable and thought I was odd or something. She could not get away from me quickly enough. Usually we could chat a little if we bump into each other on the school run, so it was noticeable that she did not want to engage.

Was it weird of me to mention this?

My friend had a birthday party for her ds many moons ago, I stayed until everybody had left and one parent actually came back to her house because her dc didn't get a bit of cake in their party bag ( cake ran out ) unbelievable !

I don't believe anyone posting here thought it was an expensive toy

I did. OP says "At the end there were some toys for each child to take home (I won't say what in case I'm recognised!)"

I assumed from that that they were large toys, given that OP didn't want to say what they were to avoid being outed. Bubbles and glowsticks at a kids party are hardly identifying!

Jeez, OP, you're getting an unnecessarily hard time.

If I saw a pile of spare, cheap plastic toys then I'd probably have asked if one was going spare too, if I had another child at home. Frankly the amount of plastic crap left over from party bags whenever I did DD's birthday parties meant I'd have leapt at someone taking it off our hands.

I wouldn't have been offended and no-one I know would have got their knickers in a twist over a simple request. People I spend time with are nice and it's easy to say no if there's not a spare.

Please don't get worked up about this. The other mother frankly sounds highly strung and hard work.

Usual, please don't let this situation upset you. MN is infamous for ripping OPs to shreds, especially on AIBU. I probably would have done the same, simply because I have two DC and when one gets something the other doesn't, it's like a war zone at our house! Like you, I probably would've regretted asking, especially if the host posted something about guests forgetting their party favour bags, but what's done is done. Just forget about it and eventually your friend will too. It's a small thing, it really is.

@user1487194234 lol @ “wary”.

The OP is not stockpiling Rolexes ffs

I think maybe she felt a bit affronted that other people left theirs. Why else would she chase it up with a message to those parents? She probably felt awkward because she didn’t really want to talk about the toys as she was feeling a bit paranoid about it all after that.

Maybe the other mum also has social anxiety, and the pair of you are making each other worse. Just let it go.

I honestly don’t think this is that big a deal, and PPs suggesting fulsome apologies and donations to charity are insane. Maybe some people wouldn’t have asked for an extra but equally others might have - it’s hardly the faux pas of the century.

The other mother was either overreacting or had something else on her mind, I reckon.

Give yourself a break!

Couldn't she have said - "Actually I bought one for each child, so I'd better hold on to them just in case they forgot it". She could have basically said 'no'?

But then she'd be lying. Not everyone is comfortable lying because its wrong.

Op, really, don’t sweat it. It’s no big deal. I wouldn’t give a second thought to a parent who asked for any remaining gifts. If I needed to gift other children, they would have been put aside, not dumped on the floor. Let this go.

OP, you are overthinking. These things happen and it was a toy that no one is going to use in 10 days time.

I don’t think it was rude, and I actually think it was quite weird of the other mum to chase up parents about collecting a cheap bit of tat at a later date.

I saw this thread earlier but didn't post as I wanted to see what the general consensus was first, but I came back to say I hardly ever identify with what a lot of MNers (and I suppose a lot of people ) class as rude or worse, extremely rude. DH is always coming out with this kind of thing too and it baffles me. I don't understand how half of it can even be rude. To me being rude is doing something which is likely to make a person feel angry or upset by doing something disgusting for example, or deliberately annoying them. I don't see how it's rude to ask a question, especially if you word it politely and give them a clear chance to say no.

It's not great because clearly I must be a totally rude person but I genuinely don't really understand how anybody keeps track of all the things you're supposed to not do because they are considered to be arbitrarily rude. If there was a clear line it would make more sense but it seems there isn't. If you didn't grow up learning this stuff (and I don't think I did) then it's really hard to figure out as an adult.

I do wonder if there is a bit of ask/guess culture coming into play here too, though - ask.metafilter.com/55153/Whats-the-middle-ground-between-FU-and-Welcome#830421

weird to ask for a toy for a child that wasn't invited to the party.
Of course the mum wasn't going to say no, you put her on the spot.
you won't be the first r the last and if she takes offense at this, it's her look out.

She may have been arsey with you because, well, she's a bit of an arse.

Needahairbrush i disagree. I don't think the OP should message the woman. What she should do is forget about it. Something like this happened to me, someone actually brought a sibling and took a party bag for him (i didnt want to say no to a small child having a party bag) and we ran out. Luckily I had made one up for my own DCs that I had kept back so pinched one of theirs and just never gave them one. At the time I was a bit annoyed but I literally have no idea who that person was now and am sure I am still friendly with her as I speak to most of the mums. Unless these people are horrible there's no way this will affect whether you integrate and make friends with them. It really isn't a big deal

It was a bit cheeky to ask, but honestly, I have seen many cheeky incidents at kids parties that make this pale into insignificance.

Just chat with her as you normally would, it will soon be forgotten about.

I find it strange that she is making the effort to reunite obviously unwanted toys to their intended owners!

If it was my child’s party and you had asked me about the extra toy I wouldn’t have minded one bit or given it a second thought. And I consider myself completely normal!

So like an alternative party bag kind of thing?

Nothing to beat yourself up about OP but it's definitely not the done thing to ask for an extra one.

But tbh I wouldn't give it another minute's thought.

I’m quite anxious and feel awkward at this sort of thing. When I think I’ve made a bad joke or come off stand-offish I chew on it for ages when the other person has probably long forgotten it. I let go of lots of little niggles in other people, and I’m sure you do too, it’s just trickier to let go of your own, isn’t it? But do try to, this was not a big deal. :)

I sonny think it was rude to ask. I’m sure you asked politely. Had I been Party Mum I wouldn’t have given it a second thought. Mumsnet is a bit of an alternate universe when it comes to what people consider rude or not.

For a cheap novelty toy she'd bulk bought i don't think you were cheeky asking at all. Don't dwell on it!

I don't think it's worth you crying over. She has been unnecessarily arsed to you IMO.

But.

If you feel they're all rich and showy and look down on you for being different.

Then I will say asking to take an extra toy home that was meant for children at the party isn't going to have done you any favours.

Would you have asked for another slice of cake? Or packed up some party food for the at home kid?

If you were worried that home-child would be upset (although in my eyes that's a life lesson) you could've gotten them something on the way home.