Father now wants to be called Daddy, CAFCAS involved.

[BedloeIsland]

3 yo multicultural child has a UK Father and non-UK royal maternal line. As a show of unity (following DV, other acts and absence from childs life) the tribal leaders agreed that the royal childs Father be given a royal tribal title - Papa followed by his Name ie Papa Xxxx. He was fine with this until recently, now he suddenly wants to be called Daddy as my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years has a child who lives with us and my child has started calling my boyfriend Daddy (and me by my first name as that is what the other child does). Child has about 10 people the child calls Daddy and 4 people the child calls Mummy (these are mostly people at nursery / other friends parents). These words do not carry the adult meanings to the child and are possibly translated as male career and female career.

The Father has kicked off and involved CAFCAS as he now wants to be called Daddy not Papa Xxxx. He has accused me of saying my boyfriend is her 'real Daddy' but Child would not have any concept of this idea (and I never said this).

CAFCAS said that we live in England and have to follow English customs and that he is now to be known as Daddy and I have to explain this to a barely 3 yo and enforce it... but I think

1. This is unreasonable as child can't even grasp the concept of 1 Mummy let alone this Daddy dilemma
2. The disrespect and dishonour to the tribe. It would be like him dancing naked in front of your Queen then kicking off when he would no longer be invited to key cultural events in childs life. Previously when he was happy to be called Papa Xxxx he would be on the top table etc.. now he won't even be allowed in the door.
3. The real issue is he is jealous of my boyfriend.

Can the courts force me to start calling him Daddy? and why is this not seen by CAFCAS as a positive attempt to bond the different cultures?

I haven’t read through yet, I will catch up in a minute.

I can see why your ex is upset. Your child has his biological dad, who he sees, but doesn’t call dad/daddy but uses this name for his step parent. I wouldn’t want my child calling someone else mum/mummy.
Is calling his biological dad Papa XXX the same as a child calling his/her parent Dr XXX. It’s a legal tital to be a dr but I doubt it is enforced at home.

I’m not sure why your child struggles to understand that there is 1 mummy and 1 daddy? My child goes to nursery, sees very close friends all the time etc and manages to understand at the age of 2 that I am mummy. I can maybe see with grandparents as there can be 2 x grandma/nanny and 2 x grandad/grandpa plus any great grandparents (so this could be more difficult to understand that friend Suzie’s nanny is not child’s nannny if you see what I mean).

I come from a history of DV and I have always called my dad by the name dad regardless of what he has done (I am NC with him but use dad when referring to him). Just because there is DV (and I am in no way minimising it, it’s horrendous, hence being NC with my dad) but he is still your sons dad.

I think you need to spend a bit of time correcting your son when he refers to to someone else by mummy or daddy who is not his parent. Your BF could be known as something else, such as pops

My GS had a severe delayed language disorder though now greatly improving. At three years old he knew who was Daddy and who was Mummy. Your child has one Daddy who he doesn’t live with. Your boyfriend should be known by his first name and he is not his Daddy. You are his Mummy And should be known as that ( or the corresponding name in your culture)
If this thread is real I think you’re setting your child up for difficulties in his relationships both within and without of the family he lives with. I actually doubt the truth of him calling so many people Daddy and Mummy unless he has some significant extra language needs

Maybe he’s calling everyone mummy and daddy because he has no-one to call mummy and daddy (because you use other titles) and so is confused. He clearly doesn’t know who his mummy and daddy are.

Just a thought.

I have no idea how I can be seen to be complying with CAFCAS when child has all these other Daddys and has mastered the name Papa Xxxx, only for me to turn around and try and change that to Daddy (and remove the other Daddy references from childs life)

Why not? Isn't that the normal process of education? Even if this issue had never come up, surely you expected to teach your child that all the other people are not mummy and daddy so he shouldn't be calling them that?

It's simple enough to deal with the issue concerning his father. Instead of describing him as Papa X when talking to him, you start talking about him as Daddy; and you refer to your boyfriend in some other way, e.g. his first name, or maybe as "Daddy Firstname". Your son will pick it up perfectly easily. The tribe isn't going to know about it, let alone be offended by it.

I can’t get over the fact of “ my child has all these other daddy’s in his life” wtaf were you thinking. Regardless of background your child is growing up in the uk. When he goes to school how confused is he going to be? You’re mummy his dad is daddy everyone else Not blood related is first name or mr/Mrs/ miss etc surname. Once he understands the basics that will be the cultural reference of the society he grows up in you can bring in the diversity of another culture. No wonder the kids confused!

But if DH and I split up I wouldn't go running to cafcas saying DH needs to refer to me as maman all the time!

You sound sensible.

You do need to sort out the use of mummy/daddy before your child goes to school. Im sure I'm not the only one who recalls the absolute embarrassment of accidentally calling the teacher/dinner lady/class assistant "mummy" by accident.

OP, I think you're getting a rough deal from people who don't understand cultural difference or bilingualism.

That said, your DC is 3/4 British by the sounds of it, and living in the UK. You do need to think about preparing her (I think you referred to DC as her in your OP) for the UK school system.

My DS referred to others as Mummies and Daddies too. For him it meant woman/lady and man. This continued until he was 4 or 5 and he only speaks one language.

He also couldn't grasp that within the day we had morning and afternoon, he always just said morning or night.

DS has additional needs (Asperger's) and actually has a very large vocabulary, but when he was little he did get his words mixed up a lot, especially what would be seen as simple words, because he was too busy focusing on bigger words.

As your DC is learning 2 languages, I'm guessing she mimics her peers when she is unsure of the word to use which has led to calling your bf Daddy, and friends parents mummy and daddy etc. This has probably led to her thinking the same way as my DS and equating these words with lady and man.

I do know two people that always referred to their DFs by their first names, people always thought they were stepdads. I also know someone that got together with her DH when her DD was 1. DD referred to her stepdad as Daddy and her bio Dad as Daddy Pete*. Bio Dad wasn't really massively invested in her, so he didnt kick up a fuss. However, I also believe a daddy is the person who raises a child, blood counts for nothing if they're not around (and you say ex has not been around for much of her 3 years?)

But your DD needs to start to understand British naming conventions if she will go to a British school. It may not have worked so far, but you must be consistent, and everyond must support you.