Father now wants to be called Daddy, CAFCAS involved.

[BedloeIsland]

3 yo multicultural child has a UK Father and non-UK royal maternal line. As a show of unity (following DV, other acts and absence from childs life) the tribal leaders agreed that the royal childs Father be given a royal tribal title - Papa followed by his Name ie Papa Xxxx. He was fine with this until recently, now he suddenly wants to be called Daddy as my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years has a child who lives with us and my child has started calling my boyfriend Daddy (and me by my first name as that is what the other child does). Child has about 10 people the child calls Daddy and 4 people the child calls Mummy (these are mostly people at nursery / other friends parents). These words do not carry the adult meanings to the child and are possibly translated as male career and female career.

The Father has kicked off and involved CAFCAS as he now wants to be called Daddy not Papa Xxxx. He has accused me of saying my boyfriend is her 'real Daddy' but Child would not have any concept of this idea (and I never said this).

CAFCAS said that we live in England and have to follow English customs and that he is now to be known as Daddy and I have to explain this to a barely 3 yo and enforce it... but I think

1. This is unreasonable as child can't even grasp the concept of 1 Mummy let alone this Daddy dilemma
2. The disrespect and dishonour to the tribe. It would be like him dancing naked in front of your Queen then kicking off when he would no longer be invited to key cultural events in childs life. Previously when he was happy to be called Papa Xxxx he would be on the top table etc.. now he won't even be allowed in the door.
3. The real issue is he is jealous of my boyfriend.

Can the courts force me to start calling him Daddy? and why is this not seen by CAFCAS as a positive attempt to bond the different cultures?

His request seems fine. He wants to br known to his child as daddy. He is his daddy..your partner isnt

Where are these tribal leaders? Can they not offer a solution to this dilemma.

you could say you are going to see "your daddy" ie his role not his name.

I very much doubt cafcas are able to tell you how you name or address another adult. (maybe naive) how on earth would that be enforceable?

I think you should be clearer in structuring what you want your child to call your boyfriend though. First name seems appropriate as your other child calls you by first name.

I think though, that this is all about your ex controlling you

I know I wouldn't like my kids calling somebody else mummy.
Would you like your child's step mother to become their mummy?
This should answer your question.

I think though, that this is all about your ex controlling you

See I don't.

I think it's more that the ex doesn't feel a part of the OP's culture anymore. Which might not have been a problem, but he possible feels kicked in the teeth that another man is calling his child daddy, when he gave up that title for the sake of the OP's culture.

I think though, that this is all about your ex controlling you

See I really don't think that's the case here. yes he has previous for DV but I genuinely think most people would see where he was coming from in this instance. It is not about controlling the situation it is about being recognised as the child's father. The drama over not being able to attend future events in that Culture is neither here or there as it is not his Culture.

Why would you say a royal title to your child though? I can't imagine the Queen telling a young Prince Charles to go and see the Duke of Edinburgh, or even Prince Philip. Presumably she would have said "your father" or such like?

Or is Papa XXX the tribes name for a daddy?

My husband's title is Mr BrownPaperTeddy but I wouldn't say that to my children, I'd call him their dad or daddy.

And surely a 3 year old understands who mummy and daddy are and that those terms don't apply to every adult that they meet?

I disagree that by virtue of being English and being the childs progenitor, this man is daddy. He is a father but that does not earn you the right to be called by a term of endearment.

Also disagree that a child should be discouraged from calling a man who is essentially their step-dad, since they were 6 months old, daddy.

It sounds as if this man has not been taking on the role of a father. The child since being 2.5 years old has grown up with another man who has been taking on the role of a father. It is only natural that the child starts calling the male parenting figure in their life daddy.
The biological father can perhaps enforce being referred to legally accurately (i.e. 'father') but nobody can force anyone to use terms of endearment.

@worra @heads I think it is fair enough for him to want his child to call him (rather than the boyfriend) Dad/Daddy/whatever - the cultural norm of the country they live in.

The control thing is about getting cafcas involved in enforcing his ex's forms of speech. The child is barely 3, and there is a history of abuse.

The whole "Royalty" thing is a red herring. Your child's dad wants his son to call him daddy. Reasonable.

You allow your child to call another man daddy - and yet don't want the boy to call his own father daddy. Sorry YABU

If I didn't have residency and someone tried to tell my kids that they couldn't call me Mummy but called another woman by that name then there would be hell to pay. So yeah, YABU

I think you are not doing your child any favours by not correcting the Mummy and Daddy thing. I’ve lived in a tribal culture where there was lots of Aunties and Uncles, but Mummy and Daddy have specific English meanings. You need to teach your child what these mean.

The control thing is about getting cafcas involved

I don't see he had much choice though as it sounds like discussing this issue with the Op wouldn't lead her to change her mind. The fact the child is 3 and he is doing it now will surely be better in the long term for the child. If he wait until the child is older they will be used to calling the OPs boyfriend Daddy and it will be harder to make the change.

This is an identical post to another one. See what the posters said on that thread too.

I think he has a right to be referred to as Daddy and I don't see why the tribe needs to disown him, provided he is referred to as Papa _ in formal settings.

This is the kind of thing CAFCASS spend their time on?????

Is getting CAFCAS involved 'controlling' though?

Both parents are at loggerheads here, so I cant see another way forward really.

Puhleese...
You cannot force a title on someone who doesn't want it. The child's father wants to be called Daddy and that should be respected.
You could refer to him as the title when speaking in your native language but CAFCAS is right to use daddy.

Of course a British father should be called daddy if he wants to.

Ps. I from a non-UK royal family too where titles are important. It almost seems made-up that the exact title must be used by the children. That it would be an insult to the extent you describe? Yeah right

I feel as though me and HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone, have morphed into one another here

It means a lot in the UK to be called daddy. It cuts to the quick for a child to call another person mummy or daddy. I think you should recognise the child's UK heritage is important too.

You should let him refer to himself as daddy to the child and call him whatever you want at home. The child will understand eventually!

I like the idea of Papa daddy tbh. Or Papa xxx Daddy.

If the child can't get to grip with it in a few years so be it. Some of my dc don't call me mummy and that's their decision now they're older.

Nobody is going to actually police this though are they?

I can't understand why a 3 year old is calling numerous people Mummy & Daddy. Why aren't you correcting them? Your child should be able to understand you're their Mummy and who their Daddy is.

I feel as though me and HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone, have morphed into one another here

Haha I was thinking something similar, do you want to go to work for me tomorrow.

I must admit, threads that provoke conversation about race and culture are certainly flavour of the month at the moment on MN.

I’m not surprised your ex is upset this his son is calling another man daddy when he doesn’t get to be called that.

Haha I was thinking something similar, do you want to go to work for me tomorrow.

Do you work in an ice cream factory?

< Hopeful look >