Father now wants to be called Daddy, CAFCAS involved.

[BedloeIsland]

3 yo multicultural child has a UK Father and non-UK royal maternal line. As a show of unity (following DV, other acts and absence from childs life) the tribal leaders agreed that the royal childs Father be given a royal tribal title - Papa followed by his Name ie Papa Xxxx. He was fine with this until recently, now he suddenly wants to be called Daddy as my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years has a child who lives with us and my child has started calling my boyfriend Daddy (and me by my first name as that is what the other child does). Child has about 10 people the child calls Daddy and 4 people the child calls Mummy (these are mostly people at nursery / other friends parents). These words do not carry the adult meanings to the child and are possibly translated as male career and female career.

The Father has kicked off and involved CAFCAS as he now wants to be called Daddy not Papa Xxxx. He has accused me of saying my boyfriend is her 'real Daddy' but Child would not have any concept of this idea (and I never said this).

CAFCAS said that we live in England and have to follow English customs and that he is now to be known as Daddy and I have to explain this to a barely 3 yo and enforce it... but I think

1. This is unreasonable as child can't even grasp the concept of 1 Mummy let alone this Daddy dilemma
2. The disrespect and dishonour to the tribe. It would be like him dancing naked in front of your Queen then kicking off when he would no longer be invited to key cultural events in childs life. Previously when he was happy to be called Papa Xxxx he would be on the top table etc.. now he won't even be allowed in the door.
3. The real issue is he is jealous of my boyfriend.

Can the courts force me to start calling him Daddy? and why is this not seen by CAFCAS as a positive attempt to bond the different cultures?

haha @worra and @heads - some kind of telepathy going on?

If there’s a history of abuse, why is this what you’re getting worked up over?

Also, Daddy is for a father, not any random man who is in their life.

DP has been in DS1s life for 7 years, he is Dad in everything but name. He doesn’t call him Dad, because he’s not his father.

And why is your 3 year old calling multiple people mummy and daddy? Surely at 3 they’re old enough to understand who their parents are, and that other caregivers don’t have that title?

If your child calls lots of people daddy it shouldn’t matter.

Stop making this about you.

It is complicated to explain in writing...

1. Yes... royal titles are given to children on maternal line
2. Tribal elders have voted to give him title to show unity, peace etc...
3. Child copies BF's childs name for me (first name) and rarely calls me Mama
4. Child copies BF's child and calls BF Daddy
5. You reside in the UK
6. Father is as Yorkshire as you can get.
7. The child refers to many other adults using the names Mummy and Daddy. Child copies other childrens name for their parents and calls the Nursery Manager Daddy and Nursery care workers Mummy.

No amount of correction by Nursery staff has made any difference. I have no idea how I can be seen to be complying with CAFCAS when child has all these other Daddys and has mastered the name Papa Xxxx, only for me to turn around and try and change that to Daddy (and remove the other Daddy references from childs life)

Child will be raised knowing both cultures. My BF and his child are both English (since records began) so with nursery / future schooling, BF's family and Father child will have a knowledge of UK culture.

He Is the childs daddy so should be called Daddy!

I doubt the royal princes calle their mum 'Princess Diana'. They called her mum, mummy whatever.

And a 3 yr old calling so many adults mummy and daddy is just confusing for them. WHy dont they know who their actual mummy and daddy are? In Uk thats very specific names to give people, randoms are not mum and dad. Only your parents are.

And allowing your child to call another man daddy is obviously going to be hurtful to your ex no matter how big a shit he is. This is his child, not your bfs. Not to mention confusing for your child. I would be spitting bricks if my kids werent allowed to call me mum, stuff that. My kids my name.
And I am confused as to why your child is calling you by your name not mummy but calls lots of other adults mummy. This is going to cause so many problems as they go through nursery and school! Surely by 3 they know the difference between thier mummy and other people!

Do you work in an ice cream factory?

No .

I really hope the Op understands why he would be frustrated with this situation and she realises that he is not asking for anything unreasonable.

Mummy and Daddy have specific meanings, and it’s odd if the child thinks it means “carer” and uses those words for multiple people. YABU for lettung your child call another man Daddy and I’m surprised you feel comfortable about calling another woman Mummy. Your ex should be Papa X or Daddy, and your bf should be John or whatever his name is.

YABU- if your son can use the term "daddy" to refer to your new partner (NP) then there should be no problem with using it to refer to their biological father (BF)

I can understand why your Ex is making it an issue now as you are letting your son call another man Daddy, which in the UK is a term generally reserved for a father and is not the general term you appear to be using it as.

My dd was born in Spain so she calls me mama/mami and never uses the term mum/mummy but if my exDH met someone else and wanted DD to call his partner mum/mummy then I would not be happy about it as I am her mother, nobody else gets to hold that "title" with my DD.

Either they don't use it at all and you refer to their BF as "Papa xxx" and your NP by his name or you allow him to use both.

It's down to you and the other adults to correct and keep correcting him over and over until he realises who Mummy & Daddy are. You need to address that before it causes him problems. I've never heard of a child calling random people Mummy & Daddy without them being corrected

The child refers to many other adults using the names Mummy and Daddy. Child copies other childrens name for their parents and calls the Nursery Manager Daddy and Nursery care workers Mummy.

Then those adults continue to correct him and reinforce that they are not Mummy or Daddy. He'll get there eventually. Your child doesn't have multiple Mummies and Daddies, and you are doing him no favours by simply going along with it.You may not want to be called Mummy, that up to you, but these other people are not Mummy.

No amount of correction by Nursery staff has made any difference.

Do you also correct him? At 3 he is old enough to explain that people call their parents Mummy and Daddy, not ever random Adult they may come across.

My BF and his child are both English (since records began)

What does that mean? Are they more English than your son’s dad?!

Are you trying to appease your bf in all of this? Because there's a lot about your bf's child and the titles they use. That's not really relevant to how you teach your child.
Children can struggle with naming. Most toddlers will go through a phase of calling random strangers 'dad' or 'mum' but you teach them who those titles refer to.. . you don't say 'oh well the 3-yr-old has decided'.

I guess Kate probably refers to William as Daddy rather than Prince William or the Duke of Cambridge when she is speaking to their children.

I assume that as they become aware of their situation they will understand that in some circumstances she might refer to him in those terms but he is still Daddy to them.

I’m very concerned about a child who calls up to 10 mend Daddy, that is very much not usual and who actually is Daddy does need reinforcement.

I can't believe CAFCASS could be arsed to get involved in this.
Why can't his father be called Daddy and BF Daddy (his name). The papa title can be used ceremonially if he needs to.

No amount of correction by Nursery staff has made any difference.

It will do though

Perseverance works with kids

What’s with all the bloody references to heritage? Fucking English since records began? Wtf

If the kid is half British and half tribal, then both sides have equal cultural importance and one shouldn't be expected to take precedence over the other. The tribal elders aren't the parents, their opinions aren't as important as that of the parents. If the dad disagrees his opinion is the one that should be in consideration, instead of expecting him to bow to these people.

This thread is bizarre and mainly surrounding your inability to set boundaries!

Your child’s dad is English-the child lives in England, it is expected that daddys here are called daddy, no matter what royal tribal connections you have.

Stop letting your child call anyone else daddy-your boyfriend isn’t his daddy and neither are the random men he sees. I have worked with very young children for 20 years and have never come across this! Stop and correct him every single time-unless he has significant SEN, it won’t take long.

CAFCASS have no power to tell you what to refer to your child's father as.

The whole premise is ridiculous.

There is either FAR more to this story, or it's just made up, as legally, on the basis of what the child refers to one parent as 'Papa X' of 'Daddy' is not a matter for the court.

Calling his father Daddy and your bf Daddy is apparently confusing but calling randoms Mummy and Daddy isn’t.

I get it, you are irked by this about change from an abusive Ex but you are being disingenuous by saying it’s confusing, when quite frankly you not correcting your child is more confusing. My child knows that I am AgentJohnson and Mama but she doesn’t refer to me as AgentJohnson because I prefer that she doesn’t. I think it strange that your ‘ok’with others being called Mummy but you are called something else.

I understand that you want to keep hold of your cultural traditions but you live in the U.K. and your child calling randoms Mummy and Daddy is problematic. It is not only the responsibility of the nursery to correct your son, it is yours too. Also from a safeguarding point a view, it really isn’t safe for your child to refer to every adult as Mummy and Daddy.

You just have to keep reiterating it.

Child calls you by first - no I’m mummy
Child calls father papa blah blah no he’s daddy
Child calls nursery work- no that’s Linda etc, and ask them to reiterate it too.

Is your child going to a UK school. They will need to learn to use miss, mrs, mr, sir and all sorts.

Just keep reiterating. The father has the right to choose what his child calls him. Just say yes you will reiterate he is daddy and as the child gets older they will learn he is daddy and papa blah blah. Maybe he no longer wants a royal title. Surely he has the right to choose that too.

It must have got to some pretty unpleasant levels for cafcass to get involved.

And if not being called papa means he doesn’t get invited to celebrations from the maternal side of the family well that’s normal in divorce. What kind of events are you talking about?

Surely he can be daddy in a casual setting and as he grows older learn to call him papa around maternal family?