Father now wants to be called Daddy, CAFCAS involved.

[BedloeIsland]

3 yo multicultural child has a UK Father and non-UK royal maternal line. As a show of unity (following DV, other acts and absence from childs life) the tribal leaders agreed that the royal childs Father be given a royal tribal title - Papa followed by his Name ie Papa Xxxx. He was fine with this until recently, now he suddenly wants to be called Daddy as my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years has a child who lives with us and my child has started calling my boyfriend Daddy (and me by my first name as that is what the other child does). Child has about 10 people the child calls Daddy and 4 people the child calls Mummy (these are mostly people at nursery / other friends parents). These words do not carry the adult meanings to the child and are possibly translated as male career and female career.

The Father has kicked off and involved CAFCAS as he now wants to be called Daddy not Papa Xxxx. He has accused me of saying my boyfriend is her 'real Daddy' but Child would not have any concept of this idea (and I never said this).

CAFCAS said that we live in England and have to follow English customs and that he is now to be known as Daddy and I have to explain this to a barely 3 yo and enforce it... but I think

1. This is unreasonable as child can't even grasp the concept of 1 Mummy let alone this Daddy dilemma
2. The disrespect and dishonour to the tribe. It would be like him dancing naked in front of your Queen then kicking off when he would no longer be invited to key cultural events in childs life. Previously when he was happy to be called Papa Xxxx he would be on the top table etc.. now he won't even be allowed in the door.
3. The real issue is he is jealous of my boyfriend.

Can the courts force me to start calling him Daddy? and why is this not seen by CAFCAS as a positive attempt to bond the different cultures?

Papa X is one shit royal title.
If anyone ever gives me some made up honorary title, I want better than that.
Your Most Amazingly Beautiful Ellisandraness, could work.

And even if it is driven by jealousy or control... it’s not that out there, for him to want Daddy not some utterly meaningless (to him) Papa X weirdness.

Stop focusing on your child calling everyone daddy. He’s 3. He’ll not do that forever anyway.

Where is this tribe? Are you all in Yorkshire?

Your son is from 2 cultures and they are equally important. It's not controlling for your ex to ask that he is called Daddy which is the UK norm. He isn't insisting that you are called a specific name.

I think it's pretty questionable why you haven't corrected your son's misuse of the words Daddy and Mummy. You can be first name with your son but he needs to know that you are his only mum and his father is his only Dad. If anyone is going to Dad X it's the stepfather.

I guess Kate probably refers to William as Daddy

I have a really dirty mind. 😳

But, there's a clip from Harry's wedding when he said, "thanks, Pop," when Charles walked Meghan down the aisle. So clearly William and Harry don't refer to Charles by his title.

The child is from another culture. I don't understand what's difficult to understand about it. People do things differently in other countries.

The child was born in the UK, is being raised in the U.K., has one British parent and one parent who is (according to the Op on the first page) partly British and partly the other culture.

I don’t think the other culture should be the “lead” here. The child needs to know about their other culture but they will in all likelihood see themselves as British.

Op - kids always get muddled about things. You just keep explaining it to them until they get it right. “No - Lucy isn’t your mummy, Lucy is Amelia’s mummy, you call her Lucy. I am your mummy. And you are my lovely girl.”

Is anybody else wildly confused

I keep thinking of the Eddie Murphy film - Coming to America.. 🤭

It's not controlling for his DF to want to be referred to and addressed in the typical term that other people from his culture use for father and son. your culture has nothing to do with it, his DF has a different culture. It is you who is being controlling. His DF is his parent as much as you are, you know, and you do not get carte blanche on all decisions relating to your DS.

I am sorry but my mind is totally blown and I have no clue what this thread is about but I really hope it all works out for you xx

The child is from another culture.

Whereas this thread is from another planet.

A long time ago
in a galaxy far, far away...

Quite a few men in Yorkshire are under the impression they're directly descended from royalty. Or God. Have you met Prince Jeremy Clarkson? Or Sir Geoffrey Boycott?

I’m sorry he was violent and abusive towards you and I’m pleased you managed to get out

He could be jealous of your boyfriend or but it’s also likely he agreed not to use daddy and used the term your culture decided because he thought his son wouldn’t be calling anyone daddy?

Do you think he’d have agreed to give up using the term daddy if he knew further down the line his child would be calling your boyfriend and other men it?

Confusion about who Daddy is May not have happened at all if his actual daddy had been called and referred to as daddy all along by you, the staff and your boyfriend.

How would your boyfriend feel if his children started calling their mums boyfriend daddy with no discussion etc?

I think it is very inappropriate for any child to grow up in the UK thinking that "daddy" can be used as a generic word for male care giver, or that mummy can be used as a generic word for female care giver. That is simply not what those words mean. It is like teaching a child that the word "apple" can be used to describe any fruit including those that are normally called bananas, melons and grapes. That bit is simply wrong and unfair on the child. It will lead to massive misunderstandings and probably teasing from peers who will think it hilarious to find a child who literally doesn't know the meaning of such basic words.

There is no reason whatsoever why this man shouldn't be known as papa xxxx in a tribal context when relevant but for the child to call him.daddy - if the child is happy to do so. Using the word daddy does have an implication of a close and loving relationship which isn't always there between a child and an absent patent. However, this child has been mistaught the very meaning of the word which although it does complicate things. However, the child must be taught the correct application of these words now.

I'd be pretty pissed if my ex insisted my kid call me Papa John but allowed him to call her boyfriend and every other man he comes across 'Daddy'

Words mean things and while your 3 year old may not have grasped the concept of 'mummy' and 'daddy', you have and it's your job to teach and correct him.

And even if he does call multiple people mummy, I very much doubt you'd be happy for your son to call his dad's girlfriend 'mummy' while calling you by your first name.

This is bizarre. But I'm with your ex. My husband is feom another culture and I'd be absolutely seething if he told me I had to be known as the word for "mum" in his language. It just doesn't mean anything to me, just like I'm sure "papa" means nothing to your ex. I just find this insane and really controlling? Of course your husband deserves to be called by the time for "father" used in his own culture! I wouldn't care if my hubby's family were "royal" and I'd be causing them offense or dismissing the their tradition. My relationship with my child is much more important and yes I'd be sickened if I was forced to use a word which I didn't like/wasn't familiar with. It must be even worse for him that your boyfriend is being called 'daddy'. That must be very painful for him. You CANT dictate that he uses a name from your culture. 100% no.

child can't even grasp the concept of 1 Mummy

Oh, COME ON.

what I find amusing is instead the PP who seems to think that Elizabeth is "really" royal and the tribal royals are not, we do not still believe in the divine investment of Kings do we? I mean, they are all equally socially constructed roles, one is not more real then another just because Elizabeth is our Queen...

what I find amusing is instead the PP who seems to think that Elizabeth is "really" royal and the tribal royals are not

I raised my eyes at a few of the unpleasant comments on this thread. Little Englanders with no regard or respect for other people's cultures.

Eyebrows*

It's possible to disagree with OP without mocking her culture.

I must admit, threads that provoke conversation about race and culture are certainly flavour of the month at the moment on MN.

It's almost as if people from different cultures and backgrounds use mumsnet surely everyone on mumsnet is white British with white British problems and dilemmas?

@worraliberty And you (as a presumably white woman) insinuating that situations which are out of your own experience must simply be untrue and designed to cause racial/cultural conversations is arrogant as well as completely ignorant. There's a whole world out there beyond your nose.

What in the heck is CAFCAS?????