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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make 16 year old move out?

242 replies

AnAppleADay5 · 19/09/2018 14:04

After punching younger sibling (10).

Thanks.

Will reply properly when done at work. But wanted this on so replies when done.

OP posts:
Gottagetmoving · 19/09/2018 14:05

Not enough information.

LyndorCake · 19/09/2018 14:06

Depends on the circumstances, reasons, intent etc

Gottagetmoving · 19/09/2018 14:06

Sorry,....you are coming back! Grin

Mulberry72 · 19/09/2018 14:07

Far more info needed.

BMW6 · 19/09/2018 14:07

Would depend whether this was totally out of character, where on the body they punched and how hard, and what led up to it. Also who witnessed it.

MadMum101 · 19/09/2018 14:08

Move out to where? Do you have a relative that can take them in whilst you figure out what's going on with them?

cleopatracomingatya · 19/09/2018 14:09

how long is a piece of string?

Costacoffeeplease · 19/09/2018 14:10

Where is a 16 year old going to live and support themselves?

SausageSimon · 19/09/2018 14:10

Unless it is extreme violence or violence that has continued over a period of time despite your best efforts to stop it then I'd say YABU.

16 is still so very young and it sounds like support is needed and fast. Where does the anger come from?
Getting a child to move out should be the absolute last resort in my opinion.

I think your 10 year old needs protecting and I really do feel for them and you, but I can't imagine kicking out a 16 year old.

I was always very mature for my age and even I can see looking back that actually even at 18 and 19 I felt very grown up but I was still very young never mind 16!

More info is required OP, I hope we can be of some help

WhatchaMaCalllit · 19/09/2018 14:12

Based entirely on what you put in your opening post OP, my answer would be no.
There is not enough information in that post to make an informed decision.

Original poster
AnAppleADay5 · 19/09/2018 14:15

Sorry.

There is extended family she could go to.

10 year old was mocking her and she did have a major outburst and just punch him, enough to see a doctor.

OP posts:
Original poster
AnAppleADay5 · 19/09/2018 14:15

This decision of considering it hasn't come lightly.

OP posts:
Nousernameforme · 19/09/2018 14:15

Is this a one off?

Are you ok with the thought that they will be living in a b&b with all sorts of people some who won't necessarily be safe to be around or who might be bad influences on your teen?

Are you comfortable with them starting their adult life on the back foot because of having to move out too young?

How will you keep your 10 year old safe if they don't leave?

How will you deal with the resentment and accusations of favouritism regardless of what you decide?

YeTalkShiteHen · 19/09/2018 14:18

DS1 (who is 11 and autistic) punched DS2 (4) the other day, hard enough to give him a black eye. I read the riot act and imposed consequences.

However, it was extremely out of character (never happened before) and I’m hopeful it will stay that way.

I can’t imagine in 5 years kicking him out if he did it.

Was it out of character for your DD to do it? What led up to it?

Without knowing that it’s really hard to answer the question, because the answers could vary massively.

Sorry you’re going through this OP.

Nousernameforme · 19/09/2018 14:19

After update.
Have the police been involved? Social services would have been notified by the doctor so you should get some contact from them soon. Maybe you could preempt them and phone them instead and see what think would be safest for everyone.

However if there is family they can stay with I think I would tell them to go. To show the older one they can't react like that without consequences and to show younger one you have their back.

WhiteCat1704 · 19/09/2018 14:20

Still need more details...Was it the first time ever? Does she do it regularly? Whats going on in her life?
How is the 10 year old?
Enough to see a doctor? Are there bruises and permanent damage? If it's bad enough for a doctor it's an assult..Is it criminal? If it is you need to get the 16 year old into anger management therapy and protect the 10 year old..

Depending on severity of injuries I would consider asking her to move out to live with relatives..

cleopatracomingatya · 19/09/2018 14:21

I mean 16 is still very young and she is going through all the hormonal changes that come with being a teen. I’m not condoning it at all, but maybe try to investigate this a bit before you potentially damage your relationship for life?? If she has anger issues, get her to a counsellor. I would personally have a stern chat with her about this and let her know if it happens again she is out.

TeenTimesTwo · 19/09/2018 14:24

Depends on your reasoning:

A) As a punishment, then No.

B) Because this is an ongoing issue and you can't keep your 10yo safe, then Yes.

C) Because you are at the end of your tether and you think you all need some breathing space and this is the best way to achieve it, then Yes.

Kpo58 · 19/09/2018 14:25

And what punishment is the 10 year old getting? He caused the situation in the first place and you are only punishing the 16 year old?

Just because the 16 year old is older, it doesn't mean that they can cope emotionally by being continually mocked and laughed at and the 10 year old should know better than to behave like that.

SneakyGremlins · 19/09/2018 14:26
Confused
Holidayfromreal · 19/09/2018 14:27

If you want her to go off the rails entirely and probably never have a decent relationship with her again then by all means but she is a child and personally I think too young to kick out. She can't even claim benefits till she's 18 how would she support herself?

Original poster
AnAppleADay5 · 19/09/2018 14:27

She has form for pushing him but never going as far to punch like this.

OP posts:
NotANotMan · 19/09/2018 14:27

If it's a pattern of abusive and violent behaviour, then yes, as well as seeking out family therapy and emotional support for both kids.
If it's a one off in the context of a fairly normal sibling relationship then no, of course not.

WhiteCat1704 · 19/09/2018 14:29

And what punishment is the 10 year old getting? He caused the situation in the first place and you are only punishing the 16 year old?

Yeah..blame the victim!!!!

It's like when the husband beats his wife it's her fault as she was nagging him...or when a women is raped it's her fault for wearing a dress and provoking him..or when a 10year old is beaten up so badly he needs to see a doctor it's his fault for mocking the aggressor....:/

frenchfancy · 19/09/2018 14:31

She needs help and you need help as a family. Sibling squabbles are normal. I'm pretty sure I punched my brother more than once. The age gap changes things but not enough to kick her out

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