To make 16 year old move out?

[AnAppleADay5]

After punching younger sibling (10).

Thanks.

Will reply properly when done at work. But wanted this on so replies when done.

What consequences is the 10y/o facing for the emotional abuse? Will be be invited to live with a family member?

Sibling abuse is an actual thing

Well yes of course that's true, but the saddest thing about that (generally) is that both parties are still children and therefore the abuser usually has their own backstory which has led to the abuse in the first place. So I would still say both of them need a lot of support and help - with the safety of your youngest being a priority of course. I don't see how you can help your 16 year old if they are no longer in your care.

I'm just concerned how youngest is beginning to act
Is the youngest the 10 year old or is there another younger child?

OP You may prefer not to answer this but do you have any idea why your DC have developed such a toxic relationship in the first place? I would suggest that's what needs looking at to ever be able to make things better for all of you.

I hit my brother once when I was a teen - what was missed he had been winding me up all day about 2 inches from my face and after hours of this I lost it. To this day I don't think I've ever been so annoyed, i was at the point of tears.

He was less keen to wind me up after that and we get on great now, he's my favourite sibling (I have three) and after I moved the length of the country recently he followed me. We never fought again after this incident.

Kids fight, they shouldn't but they do. Its all about finding out where limits are. A stern talking to should do, otherwise you are going to put a strain on their relationship.

kpo58 has a point. Yes if you punched someone in work you would get fired/arrested etc but presumably as an adult you would take steps to stop work place bullying before you snapped. This is a 16 year old kid not an adult in the work place and why should the 16year old be made to feel like shit in her own Home? What is OP doing to stop the 10 year old winding her up to the point of losing control?

He often does annoy her a bit "you look fat in that" etc. he does get punished

She is very extreme with her response though. Held him to the floor. Pushed him into things. Hand on throat etc.

I think having her move out is a bit drastic. She's still a child too. And realistically how long can she stay with relatives. Then what?? Actions should have consequences but this seems a bit harsh. Sounds like they both need spoken to about their behaviour.

Well considering that you raised her with these problems it doesn't seem right to just throw her out instead of trying to deal with them.

@Kpo58 Yes the younger one acted badly but NONONO you cannot 'blame' that child for the older one's behaviour. Everyone has a choice when provoked.

I agree that if sibling abuse happens there is usually a huge backstory and it's very often parents that are contributing towards toxic dynamic.
With that said a 10year old is MUCH weaker than a 16 year old. No amount of mocking justifies getting beaten up so badly that there is a need for a doctor.
If you let it go on once he grows bigger he will eventually retaliate. Thats when your daughter will stop. Their relationship is likely to never recover a your son may never forgive you. It can mess him up for life.

She does seem to have extreme responses but OP, it seems like the 10 year old is almost being excused? It comes off like "well yes he constantly calls her fat and irritates her but that doesn't matter because she responds and that's the bad thing".

If her reactions are extreme have you considered there may be an underlying cause. Has she been bullied in the past, does she have self confidence issues or could there be an undiagnosed neurological cause. I would seek further help from the child mental health team or GP before resorting to throwing her out. Have you considered self regulation problems sometimes caused by undiagnosed ASD or similar

I don’t think kicking a child of 16 out is parenting them. How will it help her control her anger in future?

She needs anger management assistance and counselling, and strict sanctions. Not to be made to leave home.

Your son also needs to be taught not to mock and taunt her. This sounds like a very toxic sibling relationship, and while you probably can’t hope that they’ll ever be friends they must nonetheless learn to respect and tolerate each other.

@Twillow I have never said that the older child shouldn't be punished, she should, but equally the younger child shouldn't be allowed to be constantly provoking her. Allowing him to do so long term will either make her lash out on him or internally possibly causing depression and/or self harm. Emotional bullying hurts and can last a lifetime.

I'm not excusing his behaviour at all and said I punish him.

Yes her response was extreme & completely wrong but she also shouldn't have to put up with comments like that at home. Had her actions been out of the blue and for no real reason that's different but you're perhaps under estimating how much his comments have affected her. I think having her leave home could make a bad situation a whole lot worse

I'm just scared that one day she will kill him. I've walked in in his face being blue from choaking.

So you punish him, she hits him, and yet he STILL does it?
Why do you think that is, when it sounds like he has every reason in the world not to say "you look fat in that"?

I come from a family where my older brother had angry issues, but my little sister knew just what buttons to press, I had to break up many a fight. Its all worked out now, everyone gets on. And my brothers anger seems to have subsided as his got older.

You say he says things like "you look fat in that", and I'm wondering what her school life like, Is there a chance shes being bullied at school. It could be her breaking point, shes getting bullied at school and at home. She feels she has no escape from it and no way to process or let the emotions out, shes just snapped. And her little brother is the person she feels most confident to fight back against.

But the punishments are clearly useless if he continues to be horrible to her every day

I'm just scared that one day she will kill him. I've walked in in his face being blue from choaking.

If that's the case you need to separate them.
What were the conseqences for her for this behaviour?

I threw my dd out for a lot more than a punch. But I have to say it was the worst decision ever. It's completely changed her perspective. She's been back home for the last yr now. She and I struggle. I get your mad but trust me, if you want to maintain the trust with your dd, then don't do it. Things between me and dd are just awful. You need to find out what's bothering her.. trust me, something is. Good luck

I wouldn't put her out at 16. I was thrown out at 15, got a scatter flat and it was soo bloody hard. I wouldn't wish it on any kid and she is still a child! She may have issues with anger that needs supported.

They can’t be left in the same room without supervision, that much is clear.

Does she have support for her anger issues? Is she NT?

That sounds like very extreme violence for her age