To make 16 year old move out?

[AnAppleADay5]

After punching younger sibling (10).

Thanks.

Will reply properly when done at work. But wanted this on so replies when done.

I moved out at 16. That was my dads rule. Get a job and move out. Both me and my sister did the same.

Yeah..blame the victim!!!!

Well if someone at work constantly mocks you, tells you are crap and insults you on a daily basis and one day you react, why should it be you that gets punished and not the person who has been insulting you?

It sounds like there should be consequences for them both, but a handful of very briefs posts make it impossible to suggest what those consequences should be.

I would actually if you have trustworthy family and she can continue school/college without interruption. This is where extended family is very useful.

A bit of space and time to think about her actions will be good. Don't tell her you're kicking her out though, just that you all need a breather to take stock and she may need someone neutral to talk to about her outbursts because it can't happen again. See how it goes.

No long chat with both of them and consequences to oldest would be enough.

Still not enough detail but I can't think of many circumstances where I would kick my 16 year old out of the home.

No. 16 year old is still a child. YABVU to even consider asking your child to leave home !

It's a difficult one really. Obviously a 16 year old can't get a mortgage so not really sure where you expect her to go. Extended families are all well and good but I would let a teenage niece or nephew with a history of violence stay with me.

Can you punish her good and proper? No money/lifts/phone:WiFi etc for 7 weeks

I think it really depends. Obviously the younger sibling needs to be protected and it's great you're going to lengths to ensure that happens (too often parents dismiss bullying within siblings). However the elder sibling is still a child too. Where would they be moving to, how would you be supporting them there? Is there a history of bullying and violence or was this a one off? If there is a long term history of violence how do you plan to help them manage their anger?

If this was a one off fight then I think you're massively over reacting. If the younger sibling is unsafe in the house with the 16 year old then YANBU but you still need to support the older child.

I think if your 10 yr old doesn't want your DD to hit him, he shouldn't mock her.I think they both need punishing

Kpo58 If you punch somebody at work who mocked you so badly they need to go to a doctor you will get arrested, never mind the disciplinary action at work!

A 16 year old needs support and help if they have anger issues. If you make them move out, they could feel they've been abandoned and it could actually worsen their issues. A 16 year old is still a child really. I think I was still a child at 18, looking back!

I would suggest seeking help from a family counsellor.

How is this difficult? She's 16, she's your child, you deal with her behavior and don't pawn her off on relatives when parenting gets tough. Bizarre to me that a punch would make you even consider this. You'll push her further away if you do this and cause a lot of damage...

Definitely not. How can you even think this? If the 16 year old has behavioural problems, then they need help. Pushing them out of the family unit would be a terrible thing to do. Get some help.

Oh my goodness, how awful all round

Very little to go on but I can't imagine something like this would come out of nowhere - is there a backstory?

Of course the 16 year old needs to understand the gravity of the situation and clearly needs help, but I don't know if kicking them out of their home will do that. Was the GP able to offer any advice? Presumably they were told exactly what happened? I'm wondering if a GP would need to refer to Social Services anyway in the way that an A&E department would.

So it’s the first instance of violence?
I’d have a very long chat with the 16 yr old about lashing out with violence and what consequences she can face if she decides to do that in future. Police, criminal record etc.

I would also discuss with your 10 year old about the consequences of pushing someone’s buttons not knowing how the other person will react.
YWBU to kick her out.

If it was constant assaults & bullying towards your 10 year old and you couldn’t keep him safe, then yes.
If you’re at your wits end in what to do then a few days breathing space at grandmas etc would be fine.

I’m speaking as someone who was kicked out/told to fuck off at 15. For Different reasons, but because my mother didn’t want to discipline/support/help/understand me

Does the 10 year old often "mock" the 16 year old? Does the 10 year old ever get told off/made to stop?

The 16 year old is still a child. You need to think very carefully before you send your child away. There will be far-reaching repercussions.

The 10 year old will think twice about deliberately provoking her in future then, won't they?
Sit them both down and have a big talk and a warning about future unacceptable behaviour leading to potentially very serious consequences for ANYONE who does it, but I don't think you can utterly discount the fact that she was provoked.

She needs to be aware actions have consequences, but so does he - smart people do not poke the tiger.

No, because you are her parent and therefore she's your responsibility, not your relatives. If you kick her out now, things could get much worse for her and your relationship could end up in ruins.

I'm just concerned how youngest is beginning to act. Bed wetting from anxiety around it etc.

The OP has to consider the MH of both her DC though. I think it would be justified to remove the aggressor for a while (as long as she's safe) so the victim can feel safe while interventions are put in place, talking, anger management etc, so prevention for further incidents is place.

"I'm just concerned how youngest is beginning to act. Bed wetting from anxiety around it etc."

But not so much that he felt safe to mock her? I'd think someone that anxious would be extra careful NOT to provoke any trouble.

OP it sounds like such a difficult situation. What did your GP say? Would he be able to refer you for family therapy?

The 16 year old is still a child. You need to think very carefully before you send your child away. There will be far-reaching repercussions.
That's true...but also for the now 10 year old. Sibling abuse is an actual thing.
If your 16year old assulted YOUA would you tolerate it? How about their frail grandparent? How about anybody thats smaller and weaker then them? If it's unaccountable towards a stranger it's unaccountable towards a weaker sibling.

The 10 year old will think twice about deliberately provoking her in future then, won't they?
Not necessarily. Some kids like taunting others to get a reaction off them. If they know that the victim of the taunts could get severally punished for reacting, it makes it seem an even better reason to do so.