Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My DD's partner is going on holiday without her?

435 replies

floralgrandma · 18/09/2018 21:25

My adult DD has been with her partner for 18 months, for all intents and purposes they are a serious couple. They haven't moved in together yet but have had several conversations about moving in with one another very soon and the logistics of it. They spend a lot of time together, come round here regularly and see his family regularly too, spend time together with one another's friends etc. They are in what would be considered a serious relationship.

My DD earns less money and also has more expenses as she rents, whereas her partner lives with his parents and also has a much better paid job. He has a lot of savings where as my DD does not. A holiday is currently being organised involving my DD's partner and all of his friends and their girlfriends. My DD has told him she cannot afford to go, so he has told all his friends that she won't be going but he still will. So he will be going without my DD, but with all his friends and their girlfriends.

I am not sure if I am being extra sensitive as it's my DD, but to not even offer to help her when they are in a serious relationship? He does have more than enough money to help her somewhat, I understand that it's not his responsibility etc., but it just seems a tad strange? To be honest I have had my doubts about the seriousness from his end for a while, but I am not sure if I am being a bit harsh with my outlook.

AIBU to think this is a bit shit?

OP posts:
Charley50 · 18/09/2018 21:29

Yanbu. It is pretty mean of him.

WelcomeToGreenvale · 18/09/2018 21:35

Honestly depends if they're 19 or 35. The latter I'd think he's being a bit tight. The former would be fairly normal.

floralgrandma · 18/09/2018 21:35

I'm glad it's not just me being an overprotective mum then, I can tell my DD is upset despite her brushing it off.

OP posts:
floralgrandma · 18/09/2018 21:36

Sorry I suppose age is important here! My DD is late 20's, her partner is early 30's.

OP posts:
Isadora2007 · 18/09/2018 21:37

What a tosser. If it was an activity holiday with friends who were single I can see his logic- but a couple holiday and not taking your other half... that’s horrible.

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 18/09/2018 21:38

He’s being a shite.

PavlovaFaith · 18/09/2018 21:38

Aw that's not great. To be honest, when he's stood around and all the other couples are being couply, he'll wish she was there. If he is serious about her that is...

namechangedtoday15 · 18/09/2018 21:39

Yes, he's not serious about her, I'd guess.

floralgrandma · 18/09/2018 21:39

They had also set up a Facebook group to talk about the holiday which my DD was removed from when her partner told them she couldn't afford it/wasn't coming. That seemed to be the sticking point for her when we were talking about it earlier. I suppose that still comes back to him being mean for not offering to help in the first place.

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 18/09/2018 21:39

Tbh they aren't married and they live apart. It's not his responsibility to cover her expenses.

It would be nice of him to offer to help her a bit...but this is maybe where she should consider her future with him. He's showing signs of not being so generous.

BarbarianMum · 18/09/2018 21:40

They dont live together, they are not in a long-term partnership or married. They have no children. So the relationship's not that serious. Sorry but I don't see why he should pay for her holiday.

SandyY2K · 18/09/2018 21:41

Are you in a position to assist her? Does she still want to go?

floralgrandma · 18/09/2018 21:41

It's not really about him paying for the whole holiday - my DD would never even accept that!

But to not even offer to try and see how they could make it so she could be included as well? Just seems a bit mean spirited.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 18/09/2018 21:42

Are the other girlfriends paying for their own holidays? I don’t see why he should pay for your daughter tbh.

Thatssomebadhatharry · 18/09/2018 21:44

He’s not that into her.

floralgrandma · 18/09/2018 21:44

The other couples are all in varying degrees of seriousness. Some have been together years, some in a similar position to my DD and her partner. To be honest I have no idea how the other couples are financing it as my DD didn't say.

OP posts:
Greggers2017 · 18/09/2018 21:44

Why should he pay for her?
Why don't you offer to help her out?

Nicknacky · 18/09/2018 21:47

It would be lovely if he offered but they have only been together 18 months and don’t share finances, house etc.

floralgrandma · 18/09/2018 21:47

I have already offered to help her out, but that's not really the point. I just have this nagging feeling that he is not that into her as others have said, he didn't even try to organise or make it so she could come. Just accepting she couldn't come and removing her from a holiday Facebook group just seems mean.

OP posts:
SorryNotSorry · 18/09/2018 21:48

I wouldn't want to live with someone so separate from me. It's an early warning to get out before it's too complicated. 18 months should be serious at that age.

BarryManilowRocks · 18/09/2018 21:49

Against the trend here - but they are not living together, just dating. So why should he pay for her?

AnyFucker · 18/09/2018 21:49

He's not a keeper

Topseyt · 18/09/2018 21:50

He does sound a bit mean spirited, and I can understand your concern.

I'm not sure you can really do anything about it though. He has no obligation to pay for anyone other than himself, mean as that may be in this case.

Does your DD say anything about it? Is she disappointed, or does she keep that under wraps?

starryeyed19 · 18/09/2018 21:50

That's quite mean of him, not to even offer. Even offering some if not all of it. And removing her from the FB group was kind of a low blow. Maybe they thought it would just be upsetting for her to see all the plans for things she won't be involved in?

He's going to be a proper third wheel if everyone is all coupled up, isn't he?

shakeyourcaboose · 18/09/2018 21:50

Why on earth would he pay? How old are they and how much is it? £300 odd quid if he's absolutely loaded maybe he could have lent some money, thousands to a Sandals type resort is a different matter!