To think sometimes when people are feeling down, or have mild depression, sometimes they need a strong talking too

[LardLizard]

Not always
And not if it’s a reaction to something really huge like bereavement divorce job loss or some major event
And not if they are suffering of some sort of mental illness like moderate or serve depression

But sometimes I wonder if modern society’s attitudes actually really help people
Like myself when I think an actual good kick up the arse would actually probably be the best thing
To not be indulged to not have people making excuses

Mainly talking about myself but if I get like that
I could do with someone telling me hey your arse out of bed n in the shower
Put on something nice
Put on a smile and make an effort
Get the House sortedcit the grass
Eat well you will feel better for it

I don’t know just someone telling me to be grateful for what I have and to get up and get on

Although personas I’m mainly thinking abou tmyself here really

I’m not saying do this to people with huge huge issues and actually full blown medical proablems

Gerard170 in what way is the OP making a judgement there - she's just saying that she doesn't think that directive style would suit someone suffering badly - like the suicidal, for instance. The OP isn't judging, classifying anyone or categorising anyone in particular, just talking in general terms. It's the sufferer who categorises themself, surely?

Generally they are categorised by a medical professional. Some people may have enough knowledge and insight into their own condition to realise that they are depressed, yes. Many others may suffer from depression or worse (schizophrenia, paranoia) without being able to categorise it themselves and in a way which to outsiders in whom they’ve not chosen to confide will appear to be moping or just feeling a bit down.

You’re completely ignoring the fact that this ‘good talking to’ is going to be administered by someone with no medical training, probably with no genuine insight into how the person they are giving ‘a good talking to’ is really feeling who has decided to diagnose the victim of their ‘good talking to’ as ‘not having proper depression’ despite a total lack of training, experience or ability to do so.

Yes I suffer from depression and yes I have come across the ‘good talking to’ brigade. Most memorably from a Great Aunt who was deliberately not given the information that her sister had terminal cancer because she is a big mouthed interfering busybody. Oh she spent weeks ringing people up to lecture them about their ‘moping’ and how they didn’t have anything to be unhappy about and she’d lived through the depression and rationing and nobody moped then (the rest of her family say she was the worst griper and moaner about all of those things and would be the first to expect other people to give up their share to her because it was sooooo haaard.)

Don’t be like her. Just don’t. Everybody hates people who do this.

Exercise has been shown to ameroriate mild to moderate depression in countless studies though.

My point was the OP seemed to suggest that one walk would help. Exercise as part of a wider plan to tackle depression is completely different.

Depression is a spectrum. What works for one won’t work for the other. Or even for the same person. I’ve had depression on and off for 21 years and during that time I’ve upped my exercise, changed my diet, had acupuncture. I’ve been on and off medication. I’ve had cbt and seen the perinatal health team. Seen a psychiatrist. Had my hair cut and coloured. Had thousands of baths. 9 jobs. 3 Kids. A miscarriage. Married then divorced. Had many kicks up the arse from friends, family and myself.

The point is, sometimes those things have helped and sometimes they haven’t. Sometimes I might not have even been depressed, just a bit sad or low.

It’s all relative and personal to each individual.

I see what your saying op. Think it's one of those times where people are more likely to be offended (hence the many comments where you'd apparently get your head kicked in!) Compared to those who'd see what your point is. But as you said. Really badly put across!

I think the idea thst depression will ‘go away’ is a harsh thing to tell sufferer.

You’ve got to get on with life inspite of it.

That might work if you're feeling a bit fecked off, but not for depression or most mental health issues, however minor. I will always remember my mums best friend who had undiagnosed schizophrenia saying "the worst thing was people saying pull yourself together and just trying, but knowing something wouldn't let me" (it was the 70's & the whole village acted like it was a shameful thing when she was hospitalised).

There are ways discussions can help with mental illness. I have been helped with someone helping me think through ways I can better cope or make things easier on myself or helped me put in systems that I wouldn't have thought of otherwise or just in helping me talk through my thoughts.

A strong talking to? Not so much, pretty much any firm talking to I've been given by others isn't as bad as the horrible things I say to myself about what I should be doing and handling and how I should be grateful. My own mind is already quite good at telling me that I'm shite and not doing enough and giving me lists of things I should be doing. When I'm low, I need someone to help me not go down the rabbit hole, not join in kicking my arse when I'm down.

I'm currently better mentally and happier that I've been in years. I'm not there because someone told me to be grateful and get on with it but through people helping me not drag myself through the mud and to build up all those good habits with them by my side, not behind me kicking me. It's far easier to get out of bed, shower, go for a walk, do the house with a friendly face than being kicked out to deal with it.

Talking to not talking too

Oh and a recent US study found family & peer support together with a regular daily routine & structured day were more helpful than exercise in depression. I think it was in The Guardian.

If I have PMS or a bad day sure. When I had severe PND, no. And it's this kind of attitude that makes getting help and understanding from others hard.

Exercise has been shown to ameroriate mild to moderate depression in countless studies though

Yes, the problem with studies is that they tend not to replicate real life very effectively.

If you have a depressed person who is being monitored, has a researcher or trainer to chivvy them along, equipment and probably gym membership and access to a pool and who may well be receiving a (often quite large) financial incentive to comply with the study then yes, exercise will probably help.

The thing is, IRL, how likely is it that somebody suffering from depression who lives in a fourth floor flat in a rainy northern town with no garden, limited outdoor spaces and without spare funds for indoor exercise areas like gyms is going to feel the motivation to get up and go and go and pound the streets of say, Barnsley, or Huddersfield or Wolverhampton?

Yes, it’s very nice this idea that we can just go for a little jog and feel better. But the reality is that for most people with moderate depression the motivation to do that is just impossible to produce.

Ynbu OP.

What you have said might help someone feeling down BUT absolutely won't help someone with depression.

Please research what depression is and its effects.

One phrase that made my depression worse was "come one just pull yourself together" And "it's not as bad as all that."

These sentences combined to make me feel like an even bigger failure and actually pushed me into a deeper longer depression.

And that old line of exercise can help.... Well...

Exercise has never made me feel better, maybe I'm an outlier but things that tend to make me think of my body usually make me feel worse.
But it involves effort and motivation which have left me and gone running for the hills, it also takes decent weather, etc

Really not that simple.

If someone told me to "put on something nice" or "put on a smile and make an effort" I'd tell them to fuck off to the far end of fuck and then fuck off some more.

Someone upthread mentioned migraines. I've had fuckers saying to me "It's because you're dehydrated". No it isn't fuckwit. Fuck off.

How on earth are you to know whether someone has mild or severe depression or doesn't have clinical depression at all, just feeling a bit down?
Are you going to tell people with CFS to pull themselves together like people are always telling one of my friends? They say stuff like you listed to her all the time. For her it is a MAJOR achievement to get out of bed and have a shower. It's the same for depression - it is an illness, a chemical imbalance.

My favourite was 'why not get your colours done'.

They're black, muddy brown, indigo and grey...

OP you are coming across rather ignorant, clearly you’ve never suffered with Depression, it’s not just being sad or having low moods (before you repeat that again) it is a mental illness, people who suffer with depression need understanding and patience not a ‘talking to’ they cannot just snap out of it and before you ask I ha e suffered with depression on/off for years, I had quite bad PND understanding and help from my family members contributed to my recovery from that, as well as anti depressants. Until you actually go through something like that, don’t assume you know what will help people, because from your post you don’t truly understand depression at all!

Perhaps the fact mild depression and severe depression is all depression when personally I think they are v v different things is not helpful

Sorry posted too soon. I think you need to educate yourself Op

Is a reasonable analogy to think about muscles?

If you exercise muscle well, you Are less likely to get a muscle injury. But anyone can still get injured and if it's injured you need different treatment.

If you build mental resilience by ..exercise, talking to people, learning to pull your socks up ...then you might be able to avoid depression but anyone can still get depressed And once you have it, you may need different help?

You're a delight, aren't you?
You obviously don't understand that depression is a serious illness. Maybe diabetics and cancer patients should have a firm talking to to get better?
Your attitude is the reason people die from severe depression.

Tbh a lot of you are deliberately missing the point so you can rant n shout and sware

I can't believe this thread is still going, I suppose twats like me who are so angry with the OP coming on to "rant n sware" are keeping it going. But its hard to see such self aggrandising ignorance. I really thought MNHQ would have pulled this. As I mentioned late last night I took my DD to the psychiatrist today and it was a car crash, everything went wrong and with left with no support in place for DD.

I have spent about an hour this evening sitting in a car park overwhelmed with desperation. When really guys you know what I should have been doing? Fucking yoga.

Sorry about the swaring OP. If offends you then pull yourself together.

A good talking to does not cure depression.

I don’t think it should be removed at all. there are people coming on the thread that are saying that they have depression and sometimes what the op says works. I know in my case A kick up the arse from my husband can lift me up when I can feel myself start drowning again. Just because what the op suggests doesn’t work for you it doesn’t mean is not valid for other people. I don’t understand your offense.

I am offended because I listen to the kick up the arse lecture and it hurts - because the person issuing it has not listened to me and is only interested in their own self belief that you are being self indulgent.

When I got PND my dsis saw fit to have the kick up the arse lecture, I got long lists of things I needed to do and people I needed to speak to, so I could just pull myself together - none involved a medical professional and I put down the phone and I hoped she would never call again.
Dsis did call again and this time it was because she was suffering from Pre natal depression and she was extremely frustrated with people telling her she just needed to get over it, I understood only too well what she was going through but I never told her she did exactly the same with me!!!