To think sometimes when people are feeling down, or have mild depression, sometimes they need a strong talking too

[LardLizard]

Not always
And not if it’s a reaction to something really huge like bereavement divorce job loss or some major event
And not if they are suffering of some sort of mental illness like moderate or serve depression

But sometimes I wonder if modern society’s attitudes actually really help people
Like myself when I think an actual good kick up the arse would actually probably be the best thing
To not be indulged to not have people making excuses

Mainly talking about myself but if I get like that
I could do with someone telling me hey your arse out of bed n in the shower
Put on something nice
Put on a smile and make an effort
Get the House sortedcit the grass
Eat well you will feel better for it

I don’t know just someone telling me to be grateful for what I have and to get up and get on

Although personas I’m mainly thinking abou tmyself here really

I’m not saying do this to people with huge huge issues and actually full blown medical proablems

Clearly.

Perhaps the fact mild depression and severe depression is all depression when personally I think they are v v different things is not helpful

Yanbu. At all. You've made your point very clearly. People just feeling a bit down or struggling should be given encouragement to self care, be strong and be given support to have a rest and then carry on. Depression is different. As you have stated.

For many years I have had depression, It was mild to start with, and yes people said pull your self together.. blah blah.. So i got to the stage where it was getting worse, I tried to pull myself together!
There is a song by Paloma Faith - Do You Want the Truth or Something Beautiful?
and I deciced on the beautiful! It all came to a head recently, I have had a total breakdown, and am now finally admitting to people that yes I have depression and am not coping!

Well if I hadn't given dh a kick up the arse I don't think we'd have made it through these years. Depression is bloody awful for everyone it affects - and that includes the family left dealing with the fallout. Depression is a very inward looking illness, there's no room for anything or anyone else. It consumes everything like a blanket of tar. For my own sanity, in the end I had to tell dh he either sought help or I couldn't stick around. It sounds extremely selfish on my part I know, but I too was running on empty. It was the thing he needed though to finally recognise what it had become and that there was a name for it. He went on antidepressants and thankfully got better. We've never looked back. It could of course have just as easily have backfired horrendously. In truth it wasn't calculated on my part to elicit the 'right' reaction - I'd just genuinely had enough and couldn't take any more.

@LittleLionMansMummy
It's one thing to tell someone with love that they need to seek professional and medical support quite another to say all they need is a good talking to and it will snap them right out of it.
Sorry not sure how to tag..!

Mild to moderate depression is people unable to live their lives normally, can’t get out of bed, can’t have a shower. Want to. But can’t . Severe depression is usually the diagnosis after a suicide attempt. But to op the first is the equivalent of the feeling someone has when they didn’t get the job, boyfriend has cheated, cousins took your baby name etc. Sad/annoying things that non depressed people may feel low about but will eventually move on from unless they are very spoiled and self indulgent, which is how your description of depression comes across.

Ok I apologise.

I’ve suffered depression in and off from the age of 16.

One of my warning signs is that I start to isolate myself.

I have a friend who is really sensitive to this, and ‘lovebombs’ (think that’s what the kids call it!) me when she senses I’m heading downwards.

I’ve only just really thought about it, but I probably owe my life to her.

OP - sounds like you know nothing of depression, nothing about how it affects people and I would suggest deleting this and volunteering at a mental health organisation for some real world insight into mental illness.

P.s

Give me a “stern talking to” I dare you

er.yabu..and some swear words.aka.pull yourself together. = zero input

If the OP wasn't having so much trouble stringing a sentence together I'd say it must be another DM journalist. Mind you ...

Anyway, got to go now, I have to take my DD to see her psychiatrist first thing. I mean, her life is reduced to being in her room alone 24/7 feeling desperate, and everything she worked hard for at school all gone to fuck and our lives changed into being carers, but that's only because I didn't give her a good talking to and a shower.

Losing please god don't let this person volunteer with anyone going through mental health issues.

Are you an older person OP? Rude question but the OP warrants it 🤷🏼‍♀️ It’s a very old school train of thought. I do get your intention with what you are saying for example if a teenager wants a new iPhone but isn’t allowed one. It’s a case of ‘oh ok you’re sad but get over it/you’ll get over it’. Actual depression is a different matter.

^^ excellent question

But it is possible, and common, to experience depression on and off where sometimes it's mild and sometimes much more severe. The term "depression " is just a blanket term to describe an illness which has so many different aspects to it.

My depression "episodes " can range from mild to moderate to more severe. If it's mild, for me, it just means the episode passes quicker. I still experience the same feelings though.

I think you're talking about sadness/low mood.

Sometimes it's ok to experience a low mood because that's what your body and mind need to do at that time. It's ok to listen to that sad song or have a good cry. It's actually good for you to let out those emotions.

The time to kick yourself up the bum is if that low mood turns into idleness or you not functioning properly for a period of time for no other reason than you're feeling sorry for yourself.

But depression, mild or severe, is still an illness so therefore is a separate issue altogether.

Yanvvu

I understand what you mean, to an extent. I have anxiety. Sometimes I simply need to get a grip and can cope. Sometimes it's all too much and I can't cope. The problem is, almost nobody can tell (other than me) which it is. Pandering without thinking doesn't help. But equally, telling me to "get over it" without thinking doesn't help. It's a delicate balance, and one best left to sufferers and their MH professionals to work out together. That said, my mother has literally never been wrong with mine.

I'm on ADs for depression/anxiety.
It came on over the course of 7-9 months due to unsustainable family circumstances.
Had my needs been taken seriously (needing space), rather than being expected to push through and make more of an effort and go out for walks, things today might be different.
Then again I'm not sure I'd want them to be different, but at my lowest point - which to people on the outside looked like me being lazy and not trying - being given pep talks just made things worse.
No-one on the outside can tell if someone's having a series of bad days or if they are depressed, and IME it's only those who've experienced it who can understand it.

I get what you're saying OP and in the past my mother was the one to drag me out of my pit but I don't live near her now and I'm stuck at home with two babies and no one to give me a kick up the bum so I'm back in my pit again sadly :( it's depressing (no pun intended!) how cyclical this has been for me since my late teens... I get motivated for a while, try standing on my own two feet and get my shit together and inevitably I always fall right back to useless... it's exhausting. I wish I could hire a "kick-up-the-arse" consultant who could stay by my side forever!

I ^think^ I know where you're coming from Lard. You seem to be in a mild depressive rut. You were down and things built up. You know that if you could get on top of things you would feel better and have more energy and you would like someone to motivate you by giving you a strong talking to and helping you start.

Is that it?

When I get to feeling depressed, a good talking too and a kick up the arse wouldn't work out too well, neither for me nor the one trying to deliver it. I am mild mannered and understanding usually but when the dark descends I can get VERY nasty and am mean enough and clever enough to cut anyone to the bone verbally. I don't like that side of myself but there's no point in pretending it's not there. Also, I can get urges to self harm or worse which are very hard to fight and I don't need some tit putting their two penny worth in at that point.

In short, might work for some but may cause more harm for others and seeing as it's impossible to tell the difference, best to leave it alone IMHO.

How would you know if they have a mental illness or not, just by looking?

Or an undiagnosed mental illness?

Just no. Please don't do this. This happened to me while I was being diagnosed with PTSD and it wrecked me. I lost so many friends who thought I was being lazy and self indulgent.
I had fucking PTSD and I wasn't coping. I asked my friends for help and I got a bunch of "stop feeling sorry for yourself" and "just get over it".

I had PTSD. Now I have Complex PTSD. It's incurable. I may as well have had lepracy.

®
Oh you just mean those with DepressionLite OP Yes of course THOSE type of people just need to get over themselves, switch on some feel good music, have a stern word with themselves and stroke some kittens. If you think it's that easy your incredibly misguided.

OP how on earth do you think your attitude is helpful? You crack on and get dressed up or whatever to make yourself feel better.
Don't ever try to say you understand depression though. Clearly you don't.
'Now-you-just have a nice bath-and get into a fresh pair of jammies-and freshly made bed-brigade.'

You want to tell off people with depression? No, that's not going to help.