To think sometimes when people are feeling down, or have mild depression, sometimes they need a strong talking too

[LardLizard]

Not always
And not if it’s a reaction to something really huge like bereavement divorce job loss or some major event
And not if they are suffering of some sort of mental illness like moderate or serve depression

But sometimes I wonder if modern society’s attitudes actually really help people
Like myself when I think an actual good kick up the arse would actually probably be the best thing
To not be indulged to not have people making excuses

Mainly talking about myself but if I get like that
I could do with someone telling me hey your arse out of bed n in the shower
Put on something nice
Put on a smile and make an effort
Get the House sortedcit the grass
Eat well you will feel better for it

I don’t know just someone telling me to be grateful for what I have and to get up and get on

Although personas I’m mainly thinking abou tmyself here really

I’m not saying do this to people with huge huge issues and actually full blown medical proablems

If you 'gave me a strong talking to' when i was in the 'mild' stages of my depression one of two things would have happened; i'd have kicked your ass for being a dick or i'd have disappeared off on my own with the knowledge that you had no clue wtf you were talking about.
Encouraging somebody with depression, however 'mild' is one thing; kicking them when they are down & telling them a bit of upbeat music & a shower can alter their frame of mind is completely different.

All that does is make people 'perform' as happy (if they can at all). They will keep it together to get your approval. But they aren't ok. Not at all. And the shame of that is the worst. Don't do it to anyone. You have no idea what damage it does to 'fake it' for people who lack empathy.

Ok, well for me I'd like to agree with you in part, although there are some valid views put across above.
I have depression and bipolar, and whilst it is hit and miss as to how my brain interprets 'strong' messages, a little gentle tough love is generally appreciated. It doesn't really happen a lot as I have form with biting people's heads off when they say things I don't want to hear (aren't I great?) but I really really appreciate it when people encourage me into positive choices like washing, dressing even going out sometimes. If I'm left to my own devices I do self indulge if I can, which is ultimately more harmful albeit 100% more comfortable. Fortunately I am in work, I do exercise and try to eat well. The gentle tough love received from close family has been pivotal in getting me functional and I couldn't say thank you enough.

OP I have pretty crippling depression and I think I know what you're getting at.

But who would be delivering the talking to? Hearing it from a friend or family member might be very different to a medical / psych practioner. And how would say a friend know the difference between a mild and severe episode? Distress is subjective. Also, there's a difference between "Get up and take a shower, then we'll try to walk to the shops" and "You need to stop thinking about stuff and pull yourself together".

Like one of the pps aboveI have a friend who has probably saved my life. When I'm heading downwards she will not leave me alone. Nags me to get up, take a shower etc She knows I won't go as far as go out 🤣 I want to kill her at the time though.

I think there is an element of taking responsibility and establishing healthy habits as part of NHS behavioural treatment now isn't there? (I'm not certain on this so apologies if this is wrong).

Yes, depression is a medical condition, but there are other environmental factors that play a part in it too. For me a bit of a telling off at times helps (I appreciate not everybody would want this) even if at the time I want to die and take the "nagger" with me.

Interesting thread. Sorry you are getting a hard time.

I sincerely wish the solution to depression was as simple as that. Sadly it is not.

If I'm feeling down, I want to be left alone to feel down and listen to Leonard Cohen.

Of course there are various strategies doctors advise to help with depression - eg exercise. However, I don’t think OP is engaging in a discussion about this, just GFery

My depression has always been hormonal - when I was on the pill or down regging for ivf. I'm not sure a stern talking to would have changed my hormone levels....

'A strong telling off' is something completely different to encouraging someone to motivate. That for me is the biggest 'wtf' about this thread title. Some people with depression need people chivvying them along...but telling somebody with depression to basically suck it up & change their mindset? If only it were that simple, 15 years of ADs & all i actually needed was to change the song tracks i listen to, have a shower & look on the bright dide

One of the best things another person can do for a friend is to say 'how are you feeling? How can I help?' No judging, no second guessing. I see where the OP is coming from, but perhaps it was misphrased.

At the moment if someone asked me to get a grip, I couldn't be responsible for my actions in reply (current Bipolar episode). But when I'm more on a level, I can verbally articulate the depth of mood, and some practical things like walking, tidying, whatever, can help.

Just don't judge a book by its cover!

If I'm feeling down, I want to be left alone to feel down and listen to Leonard Cohen

Sorry this made me laugh out loud because whenever dh put Leonard Cohen on I make him turn it off before he makes the whole household depressed.

OP I know what you mean. But I’m not sure you’re talking about depression, more wallowing? Some people do wallow in their own low mood (do it myself sometimes - but am pretty good at giving myself a kick up the arse).

I'm guessing you've never actually had depression as if you had you would not be suggesting telling someone to just smile and put something nice on to make them feel better.

It's comments like that, that stopped me seeing my GP for my PND for weeks as what did I have to be depressed about, I had a beautiful baby boy, a supportive husband and family.

Mild or severe you can't tell a person struggling with depression to listen to a happy song of shower, sometimes even mild depression can hit you like a tonne of bricks and you can't even get out of bed let alone shower.

I think the other thing to remember OP is that someone else’s depression or mental health isn’t your responsibility. So you don’t have to say anything or do anything. I don’t mean that you should be unkind! But it’s not your responsibility to make someone feel better. If it’s affecting you (eg close family member) then you can set your own boundaries and make suggestions & you probably know them well enough to be helpful, but it’s not your responsibility to ‘fix’ them. Of course your response may be different depending on whether it’s a child/parent/partner/friend or someone more distant to you.

I kind of see where OP is coming from but I think using the term "mild depression" is just getting people's backs up and not helping her cause.

I've had depression on and off since my teens. I haven't really had issues with it for two and a half years now though. I've done the medication and the counselling and the GP appointments.

But I know now if I have a series of days where I don't leave the house I start to feel bad again. I get stuck in a rut of bed - sofa - bed and it's not good for me. People need exercise (or at least fresh air), good hygiene and a decent diet and when those things get neglected (for me personally) my mood slides and if I don't kick myself up the bum and force myself to go out, I know I could easily lay in bed for days.

That's not the same as being stuck in the middle of a depressive episode, but as someone who's prone to them, I know when I'm falling into one and I know I need to give myself a kick and force myself to get on with things before it gets really bad. It works - fresh air, being outside and talking to people does wonders for a low mood.

For some people they need that kick up the bum before that general low mood develops into something worse.

I don't have depression, I do have an autoimmune condition though and if I'm feeling particularly tired etc I do actually find giving myself a bit of a pep Talk and thinking how much better I have it than others, watching something I like on Netflix or having a long bath or something really helps. I am not saying those with diagnosed mental health conditions should feel that way, it's a condition which often requires medication in my limited experience of it and no amount of pep talks will help, but that's just myself personally with the condition I have. Which is physical but can mess with you head wrt tiredness etc. Everyone is different but I have actually suggested to a good friend who was on week 9 or 10 post break up who again wanted to meet to drink and hash out the break up texts/happenings, that maybe wallowing in it wasn't helping and maybe something fun would be better, we went ice skating, she felt better than she had in ages. Its situations like that I think op has some relevance in.

You obviously have no idea what you're talking about OP. If someone has flu can you given them a good talking too and cure it. or a broken leg, or tonsillitis.

Depression is an illness and can be treated and usually cured but not by a talking to.

MILD depression? Have you developed your own scale? I've never known a single soul with depression that got sorted out with an upbeat Spotify playlist! What your describing is not depression. You sound very dim (mildly dim?)

I think the issue is that you don't see mild and severe depression as being variants of the same disease, you mean (I think) people who are just having a low point not people who are actually depressed?

But regardless, given you likely have NO idea whether someone is having a self indulgent day, or have depression, or any if a million other things going on, you'd be best off just being supportive and leaving the "stern talking to" well alone!

When I was very depressed I was managing to get myself ready and go to work and that was it. I had a really bad day at work once, had to go home early and was terrified that now they knew what a mess I was and I'd lose my job and so on. I told my dad. His response was to tell me that I'd be just fine if I ate healthier foods and exercised more.

What I heard was 'by the way do you know that as well as being a mess you're a fat piece of shit who causes her own problems?' I was struggling to shower and dress and get myself into work every day. I wasn't going to go jogging any more than someone with a broken leg was. I love my dad but that was the day I learned it was best not to talk to him unless I was feeling fine. So no, depressives don't just need a pep talk.

This was years ago and I've since left the job, which was part of the problem, and I'm feeling okay now. But when I felt really bad what I needed was compassion, not someone trying to be stern or tough or no-nonsense. That just made me cry. I was already saying all the negative things to myself, someone else saying them felt like confirmation.

I think we need to look at why so many people have depression. It's becoming an epidemic.

Sorry for the wall of text! I did have paragraphs, my phone took them out when posting.

I think certain people are deliberately misinterpreting you so they can have a pop, always happens on here. I see what you're saying and yes, I think it would be valuable for a certain group. But how do you know who fits that category, and who has crippling depression and could be made worse by your up and at em speech?

Maybe it needs to be thought of as being for people with low mood, but not actually clinical depression - or at least they don't have it yet.

Who is judging that it is only "mild depression" rather than moderate .

Your good talking too may send someone over the edge.

This is one of the most ŕidiculous and frankly offensive posts ever. Also it is indicative of how many people do not recognise depression as an illness and think saying get on with it or over it is acceptable.

It doesn't make it any better to keep saying I only mean those with mild depression.

Ah, the "pull your socks up" brigade. Marvellous.

There's a huge difference between people who are wallowing in their own misery of "woe is me" for a month when they can no longer buy their favorite colour set of 3 pants at M&S (and we all know the type) and those who are grieving a bereavement of a loved one - be it an animal, a much wanted baby, a parent, whatever the relationship might have been - and it's hard to judge how this will affect someone.

Telling someone who is truly suffering to man up is appalling, and is had it done to me. I was barely able to cling on to life let alone anything else, yet I was coming to work clean, neat and smiling every day. I was just dying inside and trying not to wish myself dead. Unsurprisingly my work productivity took a tumble.

So basically, back off unless to want to be unleashed on by someone like me who really will let you know exactly what is going on in their minds, and it involves a story of miscarriages, suicidal thoughts, sad dreams of babies snatched away, marrying an infertile husband, no babies in my future and a decade of battling my mental health and chronic, disabling health conditions. You'll wish you had never asked.