To think sometimes when people are feeling down, or have mild depression, sometimes they need a strong talking too

[LardLizard]

Not always
And not if it’s a reaction to something really huge like bereavement divorce job loss or some major event
And not if they are suffering of some sort of mental illness like moderate or serve depression

But sometimes I wonder if modern society’s attitudes actually really help people
Like myself when I think an actual good kick up the arse would actually probably be the best thing
To not be indulged to not have people making excuses

Mainly talking about myself but if I get like that
I could do with someone telling me hey your arse out of bed n in the shower
Put on something nice
Put on a smile and make an effort
Get the House sortedcit the grass
Eat well you will feel better for it

I don’t know just someone telling me to be grateful for what I have and to get up and get on

Although personas I’m mainly thinking abou tmyself here really

I’m not saying do this to people with huge huge issues and actually full blown medical proablems

Mild depression is NOT the same as a low mood. Mild depression is constant. A shadow hanging over you all the time.
A low mood is feeling a bit glum - occasionally - whilst feeling fine the rest of the time.

Acknowledge that distinction before you press on.

I suffer from mild to moderate depression (mostly mild these days, thankfully)
Your post telling me to wash, smile, clean the house...?
Thank you.
That would have tipped me right back into moderate to severe depression.
Because you are telling me what I already know. What everyone with mild depression already knows.
So for me - you are reiterating what a shit person I am by NOT being able to talk myself out of my depression. What a waste of space I am by NOT cutting the grass or cleaning the house. What a failure I am as a human by not being able to put on some happy music and dance.

Whilst I am sure your post was made with good intention, you come across somewhat sanctimonious.

So please stop.

OP low mood is not the same as mild depression, please stop lumping them together, it shows a complete lack of understanding of this terrible illness. Sometimes my husband has low mood - on these days I stick on a fun movie or surprise him with a chocolate bar or drag him out for walk. Other times it is the start of downward spiral into the deep dark pit of depression. On these days I become super vigilant, carry on as normal and hope he won't sink as far as last time, it is devastating to watch. I can absolutely tell the difference between his low mood and the milder depression at the start of the spiral.

What you suggest is suitable for people with low mood who need a kick up the bum to get going. I occasionally need a kick up the bum, my husband absolutely does not. Telling someone with mild depression they need to cheer up and get on with life just reinforces the prejudice against this illness and stops people from seeking help early from fear of being judged. Please educate yourself OP.

The actions you describe (walking, excercise etc) are shown to be effective in mild depression.

What’s counterproductive is the ‘being told to do it/kick up the arse/pull yourself together attitude. If people could do those things easily they would be doing them.

The goal surely is to positively help people to be able to do those things? So for example an antidepressant might just give someone a bit more energy to get something done, or a therapy session might leave someone feeling positive and resolved to do a few things.

The goal is to create the conditions for a positive feedback loop, not to create a sense of failure of guilt that one isn’t doing enough.

It's a bit like telling someone to magically have good spelling and grammar ...

YABVVU

Sometimes the attitudes on here really fuck me off. This thread is just one more example of reasons people feel they cannot be open about MH issues. Because somebody is going to come along & tell them to buck their ideas, it's just a case of changing your mindset. I'll be sure to remember that next time somebody I love is struggling and hope that me telling them to suck it doesn't push them any further into a potentially disasterous downwards spiral

someone telling me to be grateful for what I have and to get up and get on

This is my simple homespun test for depression: if I count my blessings and then I feel better then I don't have depression. If I count my blessings and it makes me feel worse then I do have depression and need to get help.

That test is courtesy of Ann Widdecombe who said on the radio that people with depression just need to count their blessings. Bless her.

When I feel depressed then I agree that doing some simple practical things can be helpful. But being grateful for what I have isn't possible - feeling grateful for what I have is one of the signs that I am coming out of depression, and a very nice one too. Telling myself I need a kick up the arse is usally a sign of depression.

So if you are constantly giving yourself kicks up the arse then maybe you are more depressed than you think you are.

If a good talking to (pull up your socks, there are people worse than you...) works then you weren't depressed.

I was a therapist for a while and 2 areas which are tricky are addicts and depression. Yes you can talk to them but in a therapeutic way as part of their treatment.

But yes, some people do just need a kick up the bum to recalibrate their thinking (me usually).

As someone who has suffered real tragedy in their lives I have less sympathy for those who feel a little sad or down, and feel like saying 'cheer up for heavens sake'.

No, I disagree. I think what people need is support. Humans evolved to live in small tribal groups that supported each member. That's what's missing in modern life. Someone who is down needs support.

Most people have suffered horrible things in their lives though. Depression is all consuming chemical wildness, not just a fit of the blues.

I think you’re trying to be helpful but your post comes across a bit patronising.

It isn’t for you or anyone else to judge how deep someone’s depression is.

I have a cyclic disorder, so people generally assume my depression isn’t that bad, it is awful and I’ve been given advice like you’ve put on your post, it’s not helpful, if anything it is more shaming than helping in my view.

Op had probably phrased it badly. Sad or low is one thing. Depression is another.
Nothing wrong with suggesting someone sees the positives, to the former group, because that is s recommended therapy/technique. But for the later, clearly that just wouldn't work/would probably be even more damaging.

There is definitely a time and a place for the kick up the arse. The thing is being skilful enough to recognise when that right time and place is. My counsellor is brilliant at this, I have had a really rough situation and I often found myself ruminating in it. The counsellor has gotten me to a place where I ruminate less and gives me a talking to if I indulge the rumination. 4 months ago when I was trying to process what was going on and make sense of things he used a different approach. Skilful kicks up the arse have their place. Unskillful ones don’t.

Search my post history here, my posts are pretty measured and usuallygood humoured.
I fully expect MNHQ to delete this as believe me, I’m about to breach the talk guidelines.
Also, trigger warning warning for those who may require them. Please don’t read any further if reference to suicide is triggering.

Op? Fuck off. Fuck you. Fuck the ‘pull your socks up brigade’ and fucking hope you never find a friend on the end of a rope because of their ‘mild depression’ diagnosed by a proper doctor. You don’t have a clue what you’re talking about. Goady cunt.

But why Neshoma? Why does the fact that you’ve experienced tragedy mean that someone who, thankfully hasn’t, isn’t allowed to feel down or a bit sad? It’s not a competition. Your experodont invalidate someone elses

@Neshoma be careful with that though - that's like a cancer survivor saying they have no empathy for anyone else's medical diagnosis ever again because their experience trumps everyone else's. And I've never heard anyone say that.

If you have got emotional and empathy burn out then just be aware of it.

Your experiences may have been awful, and I'm ever so sorry if they were, but it doesn't mean you never had a bad day before then, nor that anyone around you must never have a bad day ever again.

If depression were so easy to deal with , Gps would hand patients over to a nurse and give patients a list such as yours .
Please don't be so offensive , any depressed person reading this will now doubt if they should 'bother' the doctor

I’d have a panic attack in the shower or out on a walk at my worst. . No joke.

clinical depression is rather different to feel sad - I am afraid that this kind of generalization /assumption is far from helpful and in fact detrimental.

I have 'mild depression' as you put it, i was diagnosed with this mental health condition by a doctors from the age of 16 (I'm 30 now and I have gone up and down for the last 14 years). I don't have any massive problems in my life, I have a good job, a family, a reasonably happy life on paper and I find your post very offensive, ignorant, miss informed and patronising!
I suggest you read a lot more information about depression before telling someone to just get a grip/have a wash/get out more. It's not the same as 'feeling a bit down', 'feeling a bit sad', low mood.
Depression is depression, whatever degree of severity you appear to have. It can always fluctuate.

sequencedress you are today's hero. Thank you! Sick of people's attitudes towards MH issues. It's why people like my DP hide it for so long they get to a point where they cannot be trusted to even drive the fucking car on their own. People being able to say 'i'm struggling a bit, not sure if it's just a phase or if i need help' can be the difference between a proactive plan being put in place & somebody feeling so worthless they contemplate taking their own life.

Having down days is part of human nature. Everybody has days where they feel low, have no motivation. A kick up the arse helps. That is NOT depression. Stop using the word depression to describe feeling a bit low, it is an insult to anybody who actually struggles with genuine depression

If you don't mean people with actual "depression" why use the word in your op?
I think I understand what you are trying to say, you basically mean someone feeling fed up.
However you use the word depression and to be honest that is bollocks and what you suggest is not what someone with depression wants or needs.
People with an illness need understanding and support,sometimes they might need someone to suggest they do this or that because they can't take any action. Not a kick up the arse and to put their lippy on.

I can see your point and I think I know what you're getting at. Real depression is an all consuming black hole and a terrible thing that some people have to live with and I would never presume to tell them to get their chin up and put a smile on their face.
BUT
I think that in today's society the word depression and stress are used to freely, which ultimately takes away from those who genuinely suffer. I hear my teenager and his mates using the word all the time when really they are tired or bored.
Sometimes (usually when Ive not been eating properly, been partying too much and not getting enough sleep) I get my self in a right funk. I am NOT suffering from depression but it feels a bit like it and yes I do need a kick up the arse and told to get over myself.
However I would never presume to say this o anyone else unless I knew them VERY well and knew their situation.

Oh yes, someone mentioned the 'counting your blessings' school of thought.

Been there, tried that. Thought process goes like this:

I have 2 wonderful children and a supportive husband.
Yeah, but you don't enjoy spending time with them, do you? There is something wrong with you, you're so selfish. Do you even love your family? Do you love them enough?
But... but.. I have depression! It's hard.
Yeah? Well if it's hard for you, what about your husband? Look what you're putting him through just because you can't pull yourself together.
What do you think you're teaching your kids?
Yeah, that's right. I'm a failure.

Maybe they'd be better off without me...

'Counting my blessings' only ever made me feel worse, mild depression or not.

The ignorance in your posts is breathtaking. People with attitudes like yours are the reason some people don't seek help.

No one with depression, mild or otherwise will get better from taking a walk or being told to pull themselves together

Having a low day is a world away from any form of depression.

I suggest you stop posting on MN and go and educate yourself on a subject you clearly know three fifths of F all about.