To think sometimes when people are feeling down, or have mild depression, sometimes they need a strong talking too

[LardLizard]

Not always
And not if it’s a reaction to something really huge like bereavement divorce job loss or some major event
And not if they are suffering of some sort of mental illness like moderate or serve depression

But sometimes I wonder if modern society’s attitudes actually really help people
Like myself when I think an actual good kick up the arse would actually probably be the best thing
To not be indulged to not have people making excuses

Mainly talking about myself but if I get like that
I could do with someone telling me hey your arse out of bed n in the shower
Put on something nice
Put on a smile and make an effort
Get the House sortedcit the grass
Eat well you will feel better for it

I don’t know just someone telling me to be grateful for what I have and to get up and get on

Although personas I’m mainly thinking abou tmyself here really

I’m not saying do this to people with huge huge issues and actually full blown medical proablems

YANBU

I’m definitely not talking about moderate or severe depression
I totally agree that is a serious medical condition that needs serious treatment and more than I’m suggestion

I’m talking. About mild depression and low mood

I’m just thinking about how I can get and if I didn’t do these things I could get myself worse and worse and worse

YABU

You don't seem to understand the difference between clinical depression and having down days. Everyone has down days. Depression is an illness. It can't be cured by someone telling you to pull yourself together.

So mild depression and low mood aren’t a medical condition? Those people just need a stern talking to and a kick up the arse?
There are things that people can do to improve their mental health. Get outside. Take some exercise. But those things don’t always feel possible and they won’t magic away the problem.

And I certainly do not think people going through massive life changes like divorce and losses need to pull themselves together I think that attitude is very unhelpful
Not talking about that

Just low mood and mild depression

Sorry Wolfiefan, I do see that is what they are saying and absolutely do not agree that “pull your socks ups” is ever helpful.
However, even severe depresssion takes self focussed effort to recover from.
I prescribe anti depressants regularly, and always advise people that they will hopefully enable them, help them, to have the energy and motivation to do what they need to do to recover. And what they need to be able to do is get their regular, meaningful routine back in place. If that starts with getting showered and dressed, then that’s what I’ll be advising them to do.
So some of OP is good advice, even if given flippantly.

You are very ignorant about depression. It’s an illness. It doesn’t need to be triggered by a traumatic event. It’s not the same as feeling a bit low.
Your attitude IS very unhelpful.

So are you just talking about people in a bad mood? Because I think most people who are in a funk can pull themselves out if they aren't actually depressed. People with depression KNOW they should do those things but something's they actually can't which leads to a vicious cycle of hating yourself further.
And this advice coming from a loved one is even worse because you feel so guilty for not being good enough and not doing what you should be able to do. It's awful op and I hope you never experience it.

But what is something can can’t cause ‘low mood’ in one person could be the camels straw for another - a minor thing to you could be a major trigger for someone else, that’s why a kick up the arse isn’t appropriate.
Self care when you are on the way down is one thing, but getting a shower will not stop you doing something major

Reminded me of this 🙄
Might work for you but doubt it works for the majority.

FFS, skip to a less sad song?!? I’ve heard it all now.
Yeah, maybe I should tell my broken leg to heal too.
FYI depression, even mild, is a chemical imbalance I.e. an illness.

When I was properly depressed, properly suicidal and depressed enough to see an NHS psychiatrist depressed, I would feel better if, somehow, I could make it out and go for a cycle. Sometimes my DW "encouraged" me to take this action.

And sometimes it was a day when I couldn't leave bed. And her acceptance of that on those days was also a great help.

I don't know how you tell the difference between those two different days. Sometimes a push helps. Sometimes it doesn't.

Lardlizard, it took me ages to ask for help, because I 'knew' that I couldn't really be depressed, after all, I had no reason to be. I knew that depression was a serious illness, would never have dismissed someone else's mental illness. But when it came to myself, I 'knew' that I was being lazy and self-indulgent and should just pull myself together and get on with it. I 'knew' that life is basically shit for everyone, that no one can seriously expect to actually enjoy life. I 'knew' that most parents, maybe most adults, want to run away from their lives because it's all such a relentless grind.

At my worst, if I had read your OP, it would have given me confirmation that it was all my fault and that I was a failure for not snapping out of it.

Reminding me of the episode on father Ted where the priest listens to Radiohead and he becomes depressed again 😂
Just as an aside!

So basically you aren't talking about giving someone a stern talking to;

Anyone with mental health issues
Anyone with postnatal depression
Anyone going through a divorce
Anyone dealing with a death
Anyone suffering with severe/moderate depression...
Anyone with suicidal tendencies.

This post makes no sense.

I think the problem is using the term depression. You’re basically describing someone having a bad day, not someone who is depressed.

I understand it as op is a bit lonely and wishes someone cared enough about her to give her a ‘kick up the arse’

Apologies if wrong, op.

I think there are times a firm but fair “get that nice top on, do your hair and go out to the park/shops/lunch whatever could be helpful. And I came on this thread expecting to disagree with you. The trouble is, there’s a few very specific times that would help, and some times when it would make it worse. And as anyone with depression, low mood or any other range of things going on will know, some nobber will, or has, frequently, picked the wrong time and said that shit when you just don’t need it.

I had severe antenatal and postnatal depression (suicidal ideation, intrusive thoughts of harming the baby and all) and for me, behavioural activation, ie doing the stuff I didn’t want to do was extremely effective however there was no way I could achieve that until I stabilised on medication.

So yes you have a point that going through the motions of a routine help depression but only at a certain point. Those with significant depression cannot achieve behavioural activation without other treatment first. I still find in a slump it’s important to keep going but then I’m still on medication so I can.

I find this thread to be depressing, tbh.
The stigma and ignorance regarding depression is so unhelpful as to be downright dangerous.
There is a HUGE difference between feeling a bit low, listening to sad songs and being miserable and depression. Even mild depression can be extremely crippling, and more often than not involves a lot of 'feeling numb' rather than just feeling blue.
Yes, it is important to get sufferers to take small steps to manage their condition but the best time to do this is when mood and motivation have improved.
Never underestimate how devastating it is to essentially be told to 'snap out of it' when the sufferer is already berating themselves for not being able to do just that. Why would you deliberately torture an already tortured mind? Why, when a person is sliding down to rock bottom, would you increase those feelings of worthlessness?

If I’m having what is probably perceived as me having a shit day rather then suffering from depression, I don’t want a kick up the arse. I’d quite like someone to hold me hand and tell me it’s all ok and let me have a bit of a cry. A kick up the arse will quite likely make me cry and feel like shit.

And I HATE being told “be grateful for what you have”. Let’s face it, somewhere in the world there is always going to be someone worse off then you, so should that invalidate your feelings because you should be grateful that your not as worse of as John Smith in Arizona or should that mean that actually, your feelings matter and your problems and feelings are not immediately cancelled out just because someone is worse off.

Half blood not quite what I mean, tbh I’m really not great at explain what I mean

And it's to, not too.