to chase my friend re her baby gifts?

[raviolee]

I'm getting close to my due date. I'm only 33 weeks but there's a chance baby could end up coming sooner. I won't go in to the reasons for this but I'm high risk and not looking like I'll make it to 40 weeks!

A friend of ours has been saying for 3ish months that they have loads of clothes and bits and bobs for us. We keep saying 'great, let us know when we can collect it!' Etc etc.

It's getting to a point where we need to know what she's giving us so we know what we still need to buy. I feel bad chasing her as I've asked a few times when we can go round to collect stuff. She keeps saying she will let me know.

How can I chase this up without seeming massively grabby and ungrateful? It's not the case at all. I'm so grateful and am going to give her some money even though she hasn't asked, I'm just anxious we need to start buying! I don't want to buy stuff and for her to then say 'oh we could've given you that!'

How do I go about chasing this without being hugely annoying?

Fromage

What a load of miserable bastards on this thread! OP, glad you got it sorted and hope everything goes well for you.

There is actually very little you need for the first few weeks Nappies vests and babygros

irma that situation is nothing like OP's! You were a complete sap to just hand over the pass! Why didn't you just say no for christ's sake. The OP had been OFFERED the stuff, more than once! She is NOT a CF.

But that's silly confused. She will need a cot or Moses basket, and anyway why delay getting your stuff till after the birth when there might be medical issues, exhaustion, newborn in tow etc.

Brilliant stuff raviolee

Glad you got it sorted.

Enjoy getting everything ready and organised.

And good luck!

Great result well done

Glad it's sorted OP.
Sounds like alot of people on here say one thing, mean another and follow a made up code of social graces that enable them to be shrinking violets and unable to speak their mind.
Good for you. Xx

Just a warning though, you find this kind of easy going attitude when people are getting rid of their old baby stuff. If they aren’t making much money on it, it’s not a priority for them. You’ll find it on the FB selling sites as well, people organise to collect it drop off and then never show. When you buy it new you have it straight away and that’s part of the appeal for me, not having to plan for contingency. If it’s non urgent I buy second hand, so if it doesn’t materialise then get yourself covered for the cot at least.

She's one of those people who say the right thing but don't deliver. Buy your own stuff. If by chance her stuff does appear, keep it for next baby or charity shop it. (my local charity shop says that's one thing they don't get but are always asked for).

I think people don't seem to have clicked to the fact that it is both possible to be kind and generous and also a bit forgetful/disorganised.

I gave an expensive pram away to a neighbour as I didn't need it anymore and she had found herself in the same situation as we were, 2 children a year apart, and we wanted to help as it took us a while (at the time) to find just the right thing. this was in the days of very little internet and we lived fairly rurally with not a great access to shops. It was easy to pass it on as she only lived a couple of doors away and we had literally just decided we didn't need it anymore when we heard her news. Otherwise I can be fairly scatty, especially as I had 2 toddlers at the time, so could have easily have been in the position of OPs friend.

Buy what you need for first 3 months, keep receipts and in packaging until you need it. That way of you don’t use you can maybe exchange for next stage bits

People often promise something and then realise it might be needed for a sister or they go find out the resale price on eBay or Facebook selling page and just want you to forget! You would be better off looking for some second hand great quality stuff yourself and then you can pick what you like x

Exactly what @WaxOnFeckOff said. Firstly, if the friend’s loft is anything like ours, it’s a PITA to get into, and secondly, if the stuff has been in the loft for ages the friend will prob want to wash it all first. Once you’re busy with more than one kid, as well meaning as you might be, sometimes it’s hard to find time out of the immediate demands of your family - and - that same family are responsible for your brain being complete mush 😂 (I can only comment on our own family life though. Maybe the friend had lots of time to get the stuff down and clean it and was indeed stringing OP along)

ps well done raviolee - just read back to page 6.
Providing for a new baby can be very expensive, and you need all the help you can get. And what's the point of buying all new stuff when they'll have grown out of it in a few months?
Save any money you have for the really expensive time when they're teenagers.

Did you pick it all up? I'm a bit excited for you! It's so fun getting all set up for the baby arriving.

I had pre-eclampsia but mine was controlled fine with meds and obviously I don't know how bad yours is. Just saying it might all be fine. I had a c-section at 39 weeks because dc was breech, but they were planning on leaving me to go into natural labour.

Just ask her as u want to know 1 way or the other as u need to buy it xc

I was in the exact same boat but would never have chased her for the stuff. In the end I told her I was off to ikea to pick out a cot and did she have any advice... and she then told me to pick up the stuff next week. Some people are just busy - this isn’t their priority like it is yours! If she doesn’t offer again, just let it go! Second hand stuff is v cheap on eBay and gumtree anyway!

is it possible you add up the total cost (of same items.second hand)and offer her a bulk buy price.presumeably she has a child so..they might outgro items rapidly,but they always need more.

Yeah, if she really wants you to have it you would have it

I think it is absolutely fine you chased her. I pass on my DCs clothes to a friend, and also gave her lots of baby stuff when her DC was little. Both of us are disorganised so it always takes some reminding on one side or the other before each handover happen.

Plus also if I changed my mind about passing on to her, i would be very open and tell her rather than ghost.
In fact, recently DD decided she wanted to start selling her old clothes on depop or ebay to get money for more clothes. I mentioned this to friend who was of course fine about it, but in the end DD decided it was only worth the effort for particularly good stuff so friend's DD has still ended up with an ok pile.

Depends how close of a friend she is.
If she was a real friend then just message her and say “hiya, are you at home on Thursday at 6? I was wondering if I could collect the baby thing? Let’s order a takeaway - my treat!”

Good on you OP!!
I don’t think you have the hide of a rhino! 😂
It’s just ‘some’ people need a deadline as a kick up the backside! I could easily be your friend, I wouldn’t be hunting around the loft for baby stuff until I really had to. But I’d definitely be offering it to you as it’s just sat there in the loft!
(Other people obviously have it packaged ready to go, can you pop over and help me?)
Good luck with the baby

Well done OP, win win for you and your friend.