to chase my friend re her baby gifts?

[raviolee]

I'm getting close to my due date. I'm only 33 weeks but there's a chance baby could end up coming sooner. I won't go in to the reasons for this but I'm high risk and not looking like I'll make it to 40 weeks!

A friend of ours has been saying for 3ish months that they have loads of clothes and bits and bobs for us. We keep saying 'great, let us know when we can collect it!' Etc etc.

It's getting to a point where we need to know what she's giving us so we know what we still need to buy. I feel bad chasing her as I've asked a few times when we can go round to collect stuff. She keeps saying she will let me know.

How can I chase this up without seeming massively grabby and ungrateful? It's not the case at all. I'm so grateful and am going to give her some money even though she hasn't asked, I'm just anxious we need to start buying! I don't want to buy stuff and for her to then say 'oh we could've given you that!'

How do I go about chasing this without being hugely annoying?

Having just read through this, if I were you I would leave this now.

It is hard to tell whether she doesn’t want to give you these items or she has just forgotten. She might feel generous when face to Face with you but then regret it when she gets home.

I re entry gave a car seat to a friend. I offered it when she was pregnant, she said yes then I checked she still wanted it when the baby arrived and delivered it to her. It is from 9 months and I wanted her to have it in good time.

If I hadn’t mentioned it again I know she wouldn’t have pushed.

You willing get lots of lovely gifts but if there are specific items you need, I think you should bite the bullet and buy them now. If you have to chase and chase a gift, it’s not really a gift anymore

Lots of great text suggestions on here to make it clear that unless you get the stuff in the next week you'll be buying your own of it all. I suspect she does mean to give/sell/lend all this kit to you but like previous posters have suggested, it's been on the back burner of her mind. I know when my children were small and exhausting any job that could be put off would be put off until it became absolutely urgent!

Let it go. I bet she hasn’t got round to it. It’s not a priority to her. Sorting out baby stuff is a massive faff. My youngest is 6 months and I already have 3 huge bags of outgrown clothes to sort through let alone the toys etc

If you have pre eclampsia the chances are you will be admitted to hospital early and you don't want to be traipsing round shops last minute. I would set a deadline on it and text or email to say you need to get sorted for baby and if she has anything to pass on then can she let you know when it is convenient for you to collect. Make it clear you are willing to pay in case this is the reason why she is dragging her heels. Equally if the stuff is in the loft it may be she finds it tricky to get it down. If she is evasive or does not get back to you just buy your own stuff.

Can you ask her saying when can I pop by, it'd really help to get organised before the baby comes?

Bugs me that she can't just let me know about a few things she said she would give me.

The list you have given is not "a few things its hundreds of pounds worth of stuff. You compare her offer of these items to you dropping round a hamper when she was pregnant. It's a huge gesture to give you all these things. I wonder if you have inadvertently said or done something which has made her feel you don't value her gesture and she has had second thoughts. Honestly it's very kind of her.

I don’t understand how you could have asked three times (or why you would have, but that’s your business) and still not know whether she intends to give you this stuff?
What did she say when you asked (three times)?

I'd write it off now and buy the stuff you need soonish.
If she contacts you in a few days/weeks regarding the stuff. Say thank you but no thank you, we have bought everything we need now and then change the subject.

Good luck with the birth! I had PE, I was kept in hospital from 36 weeks and delivered at 38 weeks by C section. So you may only have 3 weeks to get sorted especially if the PE goes a bit haywire and they admit you.

I think your posts sound a bit entitled to me. Saying 'don't be daft, I will give you a token' is not the same as offering payment for them. If they are being 'gifted' then you simply do not chase gifts. Full stop.

Do some figures and offer her a reasonable amount e.g what you think they are worth to you. This could be 40% or it could be 25%. A lot of newborn gear is unnecessary and barely used. Then arrange a date to collect it.

If she doesn't respond or responds in a vague way, then look online for second hand cribs etc and just buy a new mattress for it as you would have done anyway.

You've already chased her up on it several times but still no sign. You really need to be prepared for your baby and not be banking on your friends bits and pieces. Anything you receive is a bonus and usually items of clothing unless specific items were mentioned.

Maybe after bringing it all down from the loft and cleaning it up she realised she could sell it for more than the token amount you offered and she's having gifter's remorse? She might be hoping if she ignores you long enough you'll just go out an buy your own stuff.

It's not fair that she's put you into this awkward position though. I would just go purchase what you need. Maybe just get a few things to get you through the first few months and you can buy the rest down the track if you need to.

These gifts are not going to materialise op, you have asked several times, which is a bit much. Look on E bay or Facebook selling pages for Moses basket, pram etc, or in the sales.

It definitely sounds like she no longer wishes to gift you these items. It may be for any number of reasons: someone closer to her needs them, she is not emotionally ready to part with them, she wants to sell them second hand for their true value etc.

Whatever the reason, you need to accept this and move on. If the items are too expensive new, then buy second hand. Local Facebook buy and sell groups are good for this, you could put up an 'in search of' post.

@jackietheduck

How the hell is the OP acting and sounding 'entitled' ???

Her friend promised to give her some baby stuff, and despite being gently reminded several times, has still not been arsed to give it to the OP.

Why bother promising stuff to someone, if you're not going to be arsed to give it to them?

Fucks me right off it does. Trying to lord it over people and act all generous and thoughtful, and then you don't deliver what you promise.

I know too many people who have done this. So annoying. Don't promise stuff and then renege on it. Just don't bother!

I agree, if she diden't want to gift it, she should have kept her mouth closed or tell op she no longer wanted to gift it when she asked.

She’s giving you lots of expensive free stuff. Don’t call her annoying or embarrassing. If someone started begging free stuff off me and moaning that it wasn’t coming fast enough, I’d not hand it over either.

Maybe you weren’t grateful enough and she’s decided to fuck you off for eBay.

She's probably just flakey. It's fine to give her a prod.

Did you contact her? I agree, very irritating when you are trying to get organised for your baby! I would just say it casually and then if she says no or ignores you just have fun going out and buying some bits for baby! Have a look on Facebook too as most things are like brand new

mycherrypie maybe reread the op and subsequent posts
There has been no begging for free stuff
The op offered money
How grateful do you want her to be? Crawling on her hands and knees thanking her friend

Hi OP, just a thought. You've offered her money and she says she doesn't want it right? Could she be avoiding that(some people really hate it). If you asked about the baby gear and said 'I know you said you didn't want money for it so I'd like to make a donation to a charity for you instead, any in particular you would like?'. That's what we had to do when a very generous neighbour gave us loads of gear and refused to take anything.

Personally you hasn't mentioned that you'd offered money until myself and others asked.

I'd leave this women alone now as if she wanted you to have it/buy it she'd have been more forthcoming

They are big items too

Look at alternatives

Seriously, op, if you’re prepared to ask someone for the fourth time where your free stuff is, you have no shame (or dignity).

She’s not being particularly nice by not telling you straight that she’s changed her mind, but can’t you take a hint?

Some grumpy folks in this thread! I'm not an entitled person. I just appreciate honesty... anyway I text her last night (I know I must be desperate) and she's got a load of stuff for me which I'm picking up tomorrow! She said she just kept forgetting. To those who told me I'm embarrassing and not to bother you nearly lost me a load of next to knew things that would've cost me a fortune!!! 🤣 J.

Thanks all.

Would be interesting to know if you’re paying her for them.....?

Oh god. I'm embarrassed for you!

I hope it's not the usual 'I have some stuff that will do you'. Which tends to be too crap to sell but the owner can't get past the fact that they bought them so don't want to chuck them out.