to chase my friend re her baby gifts?

[raviolee]

I'm getting close to my due date. I'm only 33 weeks but there's a chance baby could end up coming sooner. I won't go in to the reasons for this but I'm high risk and not looking like I'll make it to 40 weeks!

A friend of ours has been saying for 3ish months that they have loads of clothes and bits and bobs for us. We keep saying 'great, let us know when we can collect it!' Etc etc.

It's getting to a point where we need to know what she's giving us so we know what we still need to buy. I feel bad chasing her as I've asked a few times when we can go round to collect stuff. She keeps saying she will let me know.

How can I chase this up without seeming massively grabby and ungrateful? It's not the case at all. I'm so grateful and am going to give her some money even though she hasn't asked, I'm just anxious we need to start buying! I don't want to buy stuff and for her to then say 'oh we could've given you that!'

How do I go about chasing this without being hugely annoying?

Argh. It does my head in when people aren't just honest with you. I couldn't string someone along like that. Especially not my pregnant mate.
Ah well. Such is life I guess!

Thanks all.

I agree with the last suggestion. She doesn’t sound like she wants to give anything to you and you can’t hold her to jt

I’d leave it, there is no way to chase this without sounding grabby tbh. You’ve already asked enough times to give her chance to get them to you.

Maybe she looked on eBay and saw what she could sell stuff for and decided she’d rather have some money for it but didn’t want to tell you.

Just message and say Heya people are asking what to get us for gifts. Are you still able to give me that etc -no worries if you can't but let me know so I can get stuff sorted 😇

I would just send her a text saying something like

"Hi x, are you free to meet up for a natter this week? Feels like I haven't seen you properly for ages and thought we could have a catch up and go through the baby stuff you have as I am getting super anxious about it all and meed to make a final list of what we need, eek!"

I'd send her a message along the lines of ’hi, are those clothes and baby bits still on offer? If yes, when would be a good time to collect? If not, no worries just trying to get everything sorted ahead of the new arrival. Also, can I give you any money for them?’. I wouldn't mind being chased, in fact I have over a few things I've offered to lend and forgotten about.

I think she offered on a whim and has changed her mind. She lives very close by and you've asked her about it a few times already. It's time to accept that she's probably not as willing to let go of it all as she might have thought.

Buy your own bits now. Keep your receipts just in case.

Hi friend...crikey the birth is getting so close and nesting has well and truly kicked in! Any chance I can pop round next week for the things you kindly offered??

YANBU OP. She wanted the kudos from making a generous offer, but didn't expect to actually follow through on the generosity. Send her a final text along the lines of:

'Hi, how r u? DP is saying we need to get sorted for baby this week as I'm almost due. Just wanted to know if you're still ok to lend us the moses basket, baby bath, clothes, muslins etc? If yes, can we pick up this week (you choose the date and time!). If not, no worries, we'll do a big shop this weekend.'

If she STILL sends a wish washy 'I'll let you know' response, then you'll know she doesn't wantto lend them to you. File it away and remember next time she needs a favour.

Any chance she’s pregnant, e en I’d shes previously said her family was complete.
I know someone who did similar, she’d found herself unexpectedly pregnant and didn’t want to say just yet.

If you do want to chase up have a look online at how much the big items are going for 2nd and and be specific.
Text and say “hey is the offer of the baby stuff still available? If so can we collect on X day and do you want any money for them?
I’ve seem the crib and Moses basket selling online 2nd have for about £xxx so would that be ok?”

She’ll either fob you off again in which case forget it, say yes that’s great to both or tell you she doesn’t want any money for it but fine to pick it up.

It is embarrassing because you have asked so many times before and it hadn’t materlised.
You can ask again but expect the same result. Radio silence.
You will be tipping into pestering soon.
Yes she promised you these things but she is entitled to have a change of heart.
Maybe they are trying for another baby or the things on closer inspection it isn’t in good condition.
She is not necessarily stringing you along though.
Whatever the reason forget it

She's definitely not pregnant. She had a hysterectomy. It'd b a miracle if she was! No idea what she's playing at but I guess she's either being super forgetful, is mega busy, or can't bring herself to just be honest and say no.

Could you invite her to go shopping with you and then try to buy the stuff you know she has? Or ask for a recommendation on something? Or just simply ask how much she is looking for for the stuff as you've seen someone selling one at £X.

Are not in good condition

It does sound like she's maybe trying to get out of it now. You should buy what you really need just in case. I'd text her once more, last chance to arrange a pick up, then forget it, you tried!

Hasn’t!!

Some people said this to me too, but it never ever materialised! I think its probably something they regreted offering, as they have another. Just forget it and buy your own stuff. Keep the receipts just in case she gives you something.

@powerwalk hmm. I would disagree and say that offering someone something more than once, then continuing to say they've got it and will let us know a date to pick up counts as stringing someone along if they have no intention of doing what they say!

I've asked about 3 times. Surely she can expect for me to try and arrange plans to pick stuff up until she gives me reason to think she no longer wants me to have it?

She is absolutely entitled to have a change of heart but I'm not a mind reader!

Is it possible she's one of these people who doesn't believe in buying things too early and maybe doesn't want to give You the baby things too early?
Call it pessimism or superstition?

OP you are completely reasonable to expect her to follow through on her offer but you have to read the signs a little and see that maybe she doesn’t want to do what she said. Some of the text suggestions are good and should tell you what you need to know.

Sometimes people say things and then don’t follow through. It’s a shame but it happens.

If she didn't want to give it or has already given it to someone else then she could simply message and say that she'd looked out the stuff and it's not in as good condition as she thought and is no longer happy to pass it on. Job done and OP knows where she stands.

Is your friend's house maybe a bit messy and dis organised and she is embarrassed or can't face digging the stuff out? Does she have other stuff going on in her life that mean she just can't summon up the energy?

I would say, 'I really need to get my baby things together now, so are you ready for me to pick up the things or should I just go ahead and buy them elsewhere? And if there are some things you want paying for could you let me know the prices now, so that I can run through what we can afford?'

Hopefully that would put the ball in her court to give you a definitive answer now.

Maybe she thinks you are grabby for asking several times?!? I’m not saying you are as she offered but there are two sides to every story...

I'm definitely going to drop her a text and let her know firmly but nicely that we need I get sorted so need to know ASAP. Thanks all! I just want to know where I stand that's all. It's a pain to buy stuff and then for her to tell me she's going to drop it over the next day! But I DO need to get sorted one way or another, so if nothing by the weekend I will start buying myself

@AliceRR I've only asked 3 times, over 3.5 months. I'm definitely not being grabby and have offered her money for it. Would be a bit strange to offer someone something numerous times but think they're grabby for trying to organise picking it up?

I don't know. I'll text her one last time and if nothing I'll just buy it myself.