to chase my friend re her baby gifts?

[raviolee]

I'm getting close to my due date. I'm only 33 weeks but there's a chance baby could end up coming sooner. I won't go in to the reasons for this but I'm high risk and not looking like I'll make it to 40 weeks!

A friend of ours has been saying for 3ish months that they have loads of clothes and bits and bobs for us. We keep saying 'great, let us know when we can collect it!' Etc etc.

It's getting to a point where we need to know what she's giving us so we know what we still need to buy. I feel bad chasing her as I've asked a few times when we can go round to collect stuff. She keeps saying she will let me know.

How can I chase this up without seeming massively grabby and ungrateful? It's not the case at all. I'm so grateful and am going to give her some money even though she hasn't asked, I'm just anxious we need to start buying! I don't want to buy stuff and for her to then say 'oh we could've given you that!'

How do I go about chasing this without being hugely annoying?

Blimey OP, people are giving you such a hard time!

BACK OFF EVERYONE!

OP, I think it’s great you’re getting this stuff, as you’ve said, early days of a new baby are so expensive! Your friend has items she wants rid of, you need these items ... it’s a no brainier! You’ve said you’re paying for it, but even if you weren’t giving any money for it, that doesn’t make you entitled/pushy/ grabby etc. Ignore all posters saying this.

Personally, I don’t see why others need to know your financial side of this, and more bizarrely, demanding to know why your friend had a hysterectomy is just downright bizarre and rude!

Enjoy your new baby when it arrives 😊

Shall we hold a bet? I am betting the friend is out when you drop by and is uncontactable for at least a week.

You are bulldozer op, and we could do with your help with brexit if you have any spare time after you have finished hoovering up baby stuff?

Blimey, some people got out of the wrong side of the bed today.

Glad you got it sorted, you must be feeling super stressed out. Am very jealous of your Next to Me OP!

Completely off topic here I have the Next to Me and love it. However, the Chicco sheets are sort of scratchy and noisy, if that makes sense. I'd get some other, softer sheets for it

Some miserable people on this thread 🙈 thanks all!

Text: "Hey! We've got a day spare this week to come and pick up that stuff if you still wanted to pass it on? We're so so grateful that you offered. It'd be lovely to have a bit of a catch up too xxx"

Glad it's worked out OP

Good luck with everything - glad it was easily sorted x

OP, if you have pre-eclampsia, should you really be stressing yourself like this and nipping round to pick up a larelge pile of baby items?

Well, don't ask, don't get.

OP has been pushy. Those high-fiving her are clearly a bit pushy too, or at least see nothing awkward about it.

A while ago I swapped a dining room table for a zoo pass. Outside the playschool, a woman asked me if she could borrow the pass, as she'd heard X had given it to me. I said it was a trade, but a vague all right. Then she asked again and again I mumbled a yes. Then she turned up on my doorstep . She'd obviously asked someone where I lived. I got the pass, handed it over and told her to keep it. The CF said "Thanks!"

I just think some people have zero radar and few social graces.

IrmaFayLear what you're saying is, you twice told someone yes, they could borrow your pass and then you gave it to them and told them to keep it. How was she supposed to know that 'all right' and 'yes' actually meant 'no?'

Just because you couldn't think of what to say nicely when you were asked - and I would feel awkward too, in your shoes - it doesn't make her that much of a CF, really. If you'd said 'no, sorry I don't feel comfortable with that' and she'd got the arse about it, fair enough, she's a cheeky fucker.

But I really don't see any cheeky fuckery from raviolee. A friend repeatedly said 'I want to give you lots of my baby gear' over the course of three months, but wasn't very organised and/or didn't realise what raviolee's position is wrt potentially having the baby early. Raviolee offered repeatedly to pay and intends to do so. I see no grabbiness or entitlement.

The only thing I wondered was if, post hysterectomy, the friend was finding it hard to let go of the baby stuff, even if she wouldn't have had more children anyway.

Fingers crossed you make it close to 40 weeks, raviolee!

TheGateauIsInTheChateau "Maybe she’s since fallen pregnant again but it’s before the 12 week scan so she can’t tell you so is just stalling."

QueenOfMyWorld "She might be thinking about having another and is now back peddling"

She has had a hysterectomy!

If someone offers you a gift, you don’t ask repeatedly for it regardless of timeframes. Of course the owner of the stuff remembered what she had said. The OP didn’t let her forget!

I can’t believe the people applauding her.

Can we have a photo of the bounty of baby stuff IF your friend hands it over today? We need some evidence that bulldozing gets results

I think saying you are embarrassed for her and calling her annoying is a bit shit given that £150 is hardly anything if they are big items.

A next to me crib is currently fetching £62 on eBay with another day to go.

And you are moaning that her favour is not coming fast enough. That’s what this whole thread is. If she’s not moving fast enough for you, buy your own things. Except you won’t because you’ve grabbed this half arsed offer with both hands and won’t let go.

Be a bit more gracious, you are getting a lot of good large items for hardly anything. And you’ve said it’s “really crappy” and “what’s she playing at?”

Probably busy looking up on eBay how much she’d get for it, I guess.

Glad you got it all sorted now, & have fun looking through everything tonight, how exciting! :)

Gos that there are a lot of wet lettuces on MN.

OP, ignore them all, if you listened to them they'd have you apologising to your friend and sending her flowers and a gift for daring to take her offer seriously.

I would agree , Jackie, if it were a one off offer.

But here are some of the things raviolee has been saying about the situation that some people aren't reading:

(friend) has been saying for 3ish months...
she keeps saying she's got it and still wants rid
..offering someone something more than once, then continuing to say they've got it and will let us know a date to pick up..
I've asked about 3 times
I've only asked 3 times, over 3.5 months
(I) have offered her money for it
offer someone something numerous times
I've already told her we will pay for it all
she offered them as gifts. I told her I would give her money
I've made it clear from day one that I will pay her what she wants for it
I'm giving her £150 for everything. If it looks like it's worth more then I'll give her more.
(friend) offered a load of stuff more than once
"I have loads of baby stuff you must take off our hands if you need it, just let me know"
it's not free I'm giving her money for it

and also

She is absolutely entitled to have a change of heart but I'm not a mind reader!

I really don't understand why this is the OP being grabby and entitled. She's nervous about an early delivery and her own health, she's not a billionaire and/or is concerned for the environment and wants to reuse stuff, a forgetful friend keeps telling her "I want to give you my old baby stuff' but isn't organised enough to arrange a collection date, and is taking the money (£150 at least) that raviolee is giving her.

Imagine if you were offering a friend some stuff and then when you eventually got around to arranging to give it to her, she said 'no thanks, we've bought our own now' - to me, that's rude.

I have several delightful, kind, lovely and scatty friends who would behave exactly like raviolee's mate. We all don't know the dynamic of the friendship nor how the situation is perceived by the friend. Who knows? Well, raviolee for a start, so I would take her word on it.

Buy your own. Perhaps she needs to sell them as she needs the money. Maybe a relative needs them too and she's more obliged to pass them on to them, than you. Besides, maybe you misread the initial offer, perhaps she was looking for some money for them, but said it in a subtle way, so not to seem as if she was flogging you stuff. Whatever , after three months and reminders, read between the lines here, she definitely didn't suggest just giving you them for free, so yes, you are being unreasonable expecting them for free.

Glad you got it sorted. I'm a bit like your friend . I pass down all my baby clothes to someone I know once my daughter has grown out them.

Last time I told her she could message me when she wanted to collect them but I'd been too lazy to look them all out and some stuff had to be washed so it took a good few messages from her asking when she could collect them to me actually having them ready.

In fact I messaged her a couple of weeks ago to say that's my daughter gone up a size so I will arrange with her to collect some stuff and once again I haven't done it. Haven't heard from her about it but this thread has given me a kick up the bum to go and sort it.

Is there a problem with people being assertive now? Its pushy is it? Hide of a rhino to chase up something thats been freely offered several times.
Oh dear. Some very meek and mild people here

Mymycherrypie - raviolee is 33 weeks pregnant and has been hospitalised with pre eclampsia. An early delivery is likely, hence her now asking the friend, who knows about raviolee's health. Hence the urgency - this would be like someone of 37+ weeks, in terms of how soon the things could be needed.

And what if that were you - 37 weeks pregnant, you've not bought stuff because your friend has offered you things, but D-day is coming and you're worried you'll have to stop at Mothercare on the way home from the hospital to fill up the car with baby gear, because you don't know exactly what's in your mate's loft, waiting for you. How would you handle that?

So no, it's not coming fast enough.

Buy your own gear.

Job done

Branleuse and Havaina - I notice the meek and mild wet lettuces are fairly assertive when it comes to criticising a stranger on the internet.

What's all the fuss about? The friend was kind to offer. Raviolee could have asked to go and look at it first (maybe she did , I haven't read the whole thread.)
My children had loads of stuff given as babies and up to teens. When they got more fussy. Always grateful.
Someone I know, who had moved away, had left some beautiful baby things to get rid of. I rang the MiL of a pregnant lady and said would they like it? She said no thanks, but must have asked her DiL because later the pregnant lady rang and said "Yes please!"