to chase my friend re her baby gifts?

[raviolee]

I'm getting close to my due date. I'm only 33 weeks but there's a chance baby could end up coming sooner. I won't go in to the reasons for this but I'm high risk and not looking like I'll make it to 40 weeks!

A friend of ours has been saying for 3ish months that they have loads of clothes and bits and bobs for us. We keep saying 'great, let us know when we can collect it!' Etc etc.

It's getting to a point where we need to know what she's giving us so we know what we still need to buy. I feel bad chasing her as I've asked a few times when we can go round to collect stuff. She keeps saying she will let me know.

How can I chase this up without seeming massively grabby and ungrateful? It's not the case at all. I'm so grateful and am going to give her some money even though she hasn't asked, I'm just anxious we need to start buying! I don't want to buy stuff and for her to then say 'oh we could've given you that!'

How do I go about chasing this without being hugely annoying?

It sounds an awful lot of stuff. Do you think she is waiting to see how much money you are going to offer? I'd probably text along the lines of 'really need to get organised, looks like baby will be here soon, are you still OK to pass on the baby things you mentioned and if so how much do you want for them?'

Just call and ask her now instead of all this guesswork - how difficult is that? Instead of wasting time on here?

@Rkay2 she's a chronic non-picker-upper. I KNOW she won't pick up. She hates talking on the phone 'though can guarantee she's active online 24/7

I think it's silly upsetting yourself and getting stressed now, just ask her straight xx

as I am getting super anxious about it all and meed to make a final list of what we need, eek!"

Please don’t text “eek!”

You’ll sound like a knob.

Ha ha @SuburbanRhonda I don't think I've ever made that noise

Do you not see her face to face? Or as others have suggested drop a text

‘Hi. Can I pick up the stuff tomorrow I want to get ready for Baby - if you want to keep the baby stuff no worries. Will be buying stuff on Tuesday if I don’t here back from you’

If she’s not responded by tonight or tomorrow leave it and get your own stuff sorted.

If your in London I have some baby clothes for tiny babies - my potato arrived unexpectedly early.

I just gave a whole load to my friend including my Moses basket. And we had on off communication about it but I just told her to come and take what she wanted from the stuff I put aside.

Haha SuburbanRhonda

I did say text something like...

Obvs how you phrase things depends totally on the relationship you have with someone personally

"Hi friend, I'm near you on Friday if it's convenient for me to pop over for baby stuff?"

Omg, it's not me is it?! I'm a chronic non picker up and have a next to me etc! Haven't promised them to anyone though... I think...!

If it were me and I were texting the replies you're getting, it would not be because I'd changed my mind. I'd say so. It'd be because I'm not 100% sure where they are, haven't got time to look this week, so in giving vague answers because it's not urgent in my head yet. But if you made it very clear that it is in yours, I would get my shit together. I don't do hints, but I'm not offended if people are blunt, I need that clarity. I would be mortified if my friend was feeling slighted by my flakiness. You know your friend. Is she like that?

Whatever you decide to do about your friend, when it comes to buying stuff do not make the mistake of buying lots beforehand - large supermarkets that sell most things are open 24 hours in most larger places and you can get anything delivered next day. Seriously all you need is newborn nappies, washcloths (far better than disposable wipes) pack of bodysuits in newborn size and pack of babygros in newborn plus a car seat, somewhere for baby to sleep and bedding. I was quite disciplined but still bought too much, then didn't use half of it eg the newborn compatible pushchair when I used a carrier for the first few months then I found a cheap umbrella buggy far easier as it was light (suitable from 3 months it said). Ask about, Moses baskets in particular are used for such a short period - a cot is fine

Maybe she’s since fallen pregnant again but it’s before the 12 week scan so she can’t tell you so is just stalling.

OP, was the hysterectomy performed in a traumatic situation? If so she may be attaching massive emotional issues to the baby equipment. Her rational brain saying, ‘raviolee will use this, that’s good.’ Her unrational, emotional brain saying, ‘don’t let go of this precious, precious baby equipment, it’s my link to a baby.’

Ask her very, very sensitively if she is sure if she’s ready to part with her stuff and you absolutely respect her decision either way but if she could let you know you’d be very grateful as you obviously need to get sorted out.

This happened to a friend of mine and she kept her stuff for quite a while.

I may of course be completely off course..

Could you text looking for opinion on something you ate going to buy. It may jog her memory.

Just write it off, and go and buy what you need. Text her and tell her that you don't need it any more.
I don't get why people just can't be upfront about this kind of thing, instead of stringing you along for months on end.

There have been some good text suggestions -non (passive);aggressive ones and giving friend an easy get out if required

Let us know what she says.

A little bit off topic but you'll probably want to get it all washed too which can be an extra chew on! I'd either ask how much she'd like for the bundle or let it go. The next to me cribs can easily be sold for £60-80 second hand alone, maybe she has realised this. Hope you get sorted OP x

Surely she wouldn't just 'give' you all that and I'm sure you wouldn't expect that.

"Friend just sorting all bits for baby arriving. How much would you like for all the items"

Then I'd leave it at that

There is so much fantastic second hand baby stuff out there you'd be mad to buy new.

I had this mentioned lots of stuff every time I saw them and in texts. Got to 37 weeks and ended up buying the stuff myself. When they visited the baby they asked why I'd bought the stuff and went in the huff. Give me strength!

Can you get one of the free baby boxes if your area does them? That's bed sorted snd a couple of other bits. I'd go to aldi and get some stuff if they're having a baby event. Keep it unopened with the receipts and return if the stuff materialises

Could it be that when she said she had lots of bits for you, she was expecting you to offer some money for them and that now she's too embarrassed to ask and is now trying to back off a bit by being vague?

Not the right way to go about it if so, but...

so this is all her old baby stuff yeah?

maybe shes realised how much its all worth and doesnt iknow how to say she doesnt want to give it away

Just a thought... in your title you call these items “baby gifts,” but perhaps she only ment to loan them to you and is embarrassed you have assumed they will be yours to keep? I know you say she isn’t going to have more children, but perhaps there is someone else she eventually plans to pass them on to, or maybe she’d like them back once you are finished with them so she can sell them?

My friends and I have done a lot of sharing of Moses baskets, swings, baby baths etc.They are still the property of the original buyer, but the stuff just moves from baby to baby and stays in the home of the most recently born baby. Once we’re all done with babies, if the stuff is still useable, it will be up to the original purchaser of each item to decide what happens to them.