to chase my friend re her baby gifts?

[raviolee]

I'm getting close to my due date. I'm only 33 weeks but there's a chance baby could end up coming sooner. I won't go in to the reasons for this but I'm high risk and not looking like I'll make it to 40 weeks!

A friend of ours has been saying for 3ish months that they have loads of clothes and bits and bobs for us. We keep saying 'great, let us know when we can collect it!' Etc etc.

It's getting to a point where we need to know what she's giving us so we know what we still need to buy. I feel bad chasing her as I've asked a few times when we can go round to collect stuff. She keeps saying she will let me know.

How can I chase this up without seeming massively grabby and ungrateful? It's not the case at all. I'm so grateful and am going to give her some money even though she hasn't asked, I'm just anxious we need to start buying! I don't want to buy stuff and for her to then say 'oh we could've given you that!'

How do I go about chasing this without being hugely annoying?

Arrange to see her either at your house or hers for a catch up. She'll probably give you the stuff then.

This happened us. Eventually when the baby was 8 weeks old she got in touch to arrange to call in. At that stage we'd already bought everything so it was no use.

So now I'd advise, instead of saying "let us know a date that suits" just say "will you be there on Sunday and would you mind if I call in then?"

I'd say what's happening here is she keeps meaning to arrange but it wouldn't be high on her list of priorities (as there's no time urgency for her) so I'd say she keeps forgetting.

She probably is waiting for the baby to arrive and will drop the whole lot over to you. She forgets what it is like, just before having a baby and waning everything sorted.

Just text her and say you had the baby and see if she comes running over with all the gear.

If you don’t see her for a few days, text her again and say your poor baby is naked and sleeping in a drawer.

Then, if she still doesn’t show up, you’ll have to head off to mothercare.

What wineandtiramasu said.

drop her a text saying heeeyyy, i was about to go baby shopping soon as getting close to my due date. Are you still getting rid of baby stuff, cos just trying to work out what we need to buy new and what we dont xx

If I were your friend, I'd promise everything then realise it's in the loft. No problem, I'll get it down and give it a good clean - what, now?

Sometimes weeks fly by, especially as it's been the summer hols, I've had to rely on work to know what day it is!

I'm sure her intentions are good, just call her and speak to her, she may well not want to pass on her things now, but you won't know unless you ask and I think call rather than text is best. Def not worth losing a friendship.

If I can keep baby cooking for a bit longer then it's not a huge issue but apart from the 'tiny' baby grows we have had to rush out and buy just in case, the other stuff is really useful. Never know, I might just make it to my due date! Fingers crossed...

Buy your stuff keep receipts in case she does eventually drop it round then you can take your stuff back .

I've asked about 3 times

I would definitely stop asking now. She's obviously changed her mind and is hoping you've got the message.

I would message her with something along the lines of

“Hi, is the baby stuff still available? It’s okay if it’s not, it’s just that I’m planning on buying the remaining baby stuff we need at the weekend to be sure we’re ready in time for baby arriving. If it’s available, can we confirm how much you want for it?”

If she’s serious about lending the stuff I’d expect her to get back in touch.

She's changed her mind and no longer wants to give it to you. She's hoping to kick it into the long grass until it's too late so she doesn't have to tell you.

Do as people have suggested and say that you are going shopping and don't want to get duplicates.

@Ignoramusgiganticus I think that sounds like he best plan!

I bet it’s a money thing.
I had a friend who said I could have his treadmill.
I kept asking when I could collect and he’d ignore me.
Eventually I text and said “how much did you want for the treadmill?” And he suddenly messaged back and asked me for £40 and said I could collect that day.
I think he offered for free but then realised he could make money out of selling it.

Forget it, and next time she offers something you'll know better than to think she means it

I'd be really really really really pissed off if I were you, but I'm cranky.

I just think it's really crappy as she knows I have pre eclampsia and have been in and out of hospital. She knows baby is possibly going to come early. She knows that I'm trying to get things organised. When she was pregnant I bought her a huge hamper of stuff and dropped it round. Not a big deal and no I'm not an amazing person for doing it, but I was there for her big time in her pregnancy. I even took her to the hospital a couple of times as she had just moved to the area and had nobody to drive her.

Bugs me that she can't just let me know about a few things she said she would give me. But you're all right, live and learn and life goes on!

I would presume she has changed her mind and not put her in the awkward position of pushing her, she may have given it to someone else or raised she could make more money selling it to someone she didn't know. I had a few offers of things when I was pregnant with DS but I wouldn't dream of following it up. If she wanted to sort it she would

*realised

Why don't you text something along the lines of "hiya, I'm just wondering if it's still ok to borrow the next to you crib and other bits for the baby. No worries if not but I'm just trying to get things organised early. Hope you're well bla bla..."

Totally sympathise with your predicament. I found the whole issue around getting baby stuff from people mega awkward - really not wanting to be pushy, but needing to know if v kind offers we’re going to materialise, as well as being sometimes overwhelmed by the quantities of stuff that people were VERY keen to pass on to us, and finding the words to say “no” to some things. She may well just be less focused on the dates than you, and just need a bit of a nudge.

Just bite the bullet and send a message along the lines folk have suggested. You won’t seem grabby if you put it in the right way.

We’ve been super lucky and have basically got everything from friends and family. And if you can, then for heavens sake do. From an environmental perspective if nothing else it’s surely the right thing to do. And I hope we’ll be able to pass the favour onward in due course.

Good luck with the baby!

3luckystars I laughed so hard

She's probably gone through the stuff, realised it's worth a few bob and doesn't want to give it to you. Honestly I would not ask anymore.

Be prepared for her to go "oh, you shouldn't have bought xyz - I was keeping it for you" once she sees you with the baby using the stuff you bought

Only you know your friend op, I tell people to hassle me for things as I'm disorganised and don't get around to things a lot of the time.

Honestly, if she really wanted to give you the stuff she would have offloaded it at yours weeks ago to get back some space in her house.

Just go and buy what you need as you would of had to of bought it anyway, if she wanted to give you the stuff then she would of done so, she has probably sold it on or given it to a charity shop, keep your receipts but look after yourself.