to not know what to do with my new man?

[Chiffon]

He is an absolute gentleman, but there is no spark.
He adores me, is kind, attentive, good in bed, buys me flowers and chocolates, compliments me all the time, worries about me, minds me etc.
I've had years of abusive relationships one physically, and one where I was just messed around.
Can love grow? On paper, he is everything I should be looking for (drives a Porsche!), but can love grow or should I just end it now?
I tend to know how I feel about someone very quickly. I fall hard and fast, but equally, I don't think I'm the type for whom love will develop slowly.
What is the right thing to do for both me and him? Asking for myself primarily obviously.

You answered your own question at the end of your first sentence.

Also rethink "what I should be looking for" if you think that list would include driving a flashy car.

His car is quite a turn on so was worth mentioning! As in, there are elements about him that are a turn on.

I'm clutching at straws here.

My theme song for my life is this so yes, the car is something significant to me.

You're turned on by a car?

He sounds nice. If you don't want him, tell him. I'm sure there will be another woman out there who would like him.

The problem is that many women who have had an abusive relationships start to confuse the drama with "spark". Maybe get some therapy before you loose out on a really good guy.

Yes, a car is a turn on for me. Fast car, luxurious car, whatever car, they're all expressions of a person.

If you are hanging on to a relationship with no spark because of material things then you are doing it wrong. Let it go and move on, you are flogging a dead horse.

It feels unusual for a car to be a turn in for a grown woman looking for a grown up relationship.

Fair enough to want a fabulous car in your life, but you could look to yourself to provide this.

Sorry, you lost me at cars being a turn-on.

Mumminmum that's what I'm wondering. Whether it all seems too easy and therefore wrong. I was attending counselling but had to quit as I went back to work.

You say you know how you feel about someone quickly, no offence but doesn't sound like you've had the best taste or luck in picking the last few if they've ended up abusive.

However, you would of been better off not mentioning the porshe, that'll probably be the main focus of this thread now.

Sorry, about the typo. Should say turn 'on' not turn 'in'.

You’ve answered your own question by starting this thread. Be kind to both of you and move on.

You seem very materialistic. He could do better.

FFS - leave the car out of it if ye're that fucked off about it.

You sound as though all your priorities are wrong.

Are you saying that if this guy drove a VW you wouldn't have wanted to date him?

I think you should go back as it sounds like you want the drama more than a man. If he's a good man let him go and don't waste his time. You need to work out what you want

I don't get the attraction to the car either, I always thought that was a bit of a myth!

Christ, am I the only woman on the planet who likes a fast car?

A myth? The car industry might argue with you on that one.

A car is also just a machine you use to go around in. You haven't said anything at all about his personality, other than that he is attentive and generous with the kind of conventional romantic gift given to someone you don't yet know very well. And has an expensive car. Is he intelligent, intellectually curious, funny, tender? What does he spend his free time doing? Do you want to talk to him for hours at a time?

I was in an abusive relationship years ago so I understand how hard it is to find something that feels 'right' but not unhealthy. You are self-aware enough to recognise that he would be a good partner for somebody but it still doesn't feel right for you, now.

That's OK imo.

Wait until it feels easy and obvious.

Oh god, could you lot just move on from the car already?! 🙄 Imagine its a different shallow thing such as 'he is good looking' if it helps.

Honestly how old are you? Like 17? To be wanting a bloke just because of the car he drives is seriously sad. You do realise that cars are nothing but well branded sheds on wheels right?

If a guy was dating me because of my material assets I’d want nothing more to do with him. You sound shallow and no doubt he can do a lot lot better

He is intelligent, tries to explain his job to me (finance) in terms that go above my head, but we have great conversation nonetheless. I work out a lot, he doesn't. He has two sons similar ages to my dd (one older one younger). He is very grounded and normal. I'm not.