to not know what to do with my new man?

[Chiffon]

He is an absolute gentleman, but there is no spark.
He adores me, is kind, attentive, good in bed, buys me flowers and chocolates, compliments me all the time, worries about me, minds me etc.
I've had years of abusive relationships one physically, and one where I was just messed around.
Can love grow? On paper, he is everything I should be looking for (drives a Porsche!), but can love grow or should I just end it now?
I tend to know how I feel about someone very quickly. I fall hard and fast, but equally, I don't think I'm the type for whom love will develop slowly.
What is the right thing to do for both me and him? Asking for myself primarily obviously.

I think you should end this as it is not fair on HIM!

As PP put he sounds like a lot of women's dream man!

A spark is important but IMO there are far more important dynamics within a relationship -

Let him go and find someone who can be happy with him - including the spark

The car is irrelevant and a total red herring which sadly has coloured the thread agaist you.

Lucy Jordan after all, commited suicide.

What your OP says to me is that he has everything you are looking for "on paper". But despite that you don't feel a spark.

Maybe he feels the same? Maybe you can just enjoy each others comapany "etc" and see where it goes. Love may or not grow. If however he feels differently you owe it to him to be honest with him about your feelings.

Who knows. I'm going to his place next week so depending on how tidy he is, it might just be the clincher.

Thanks for all your bitter jealous commentary. It has been amusing.

No, he has made his feelings very clear, which are that he has strong feelings for me.

I don’t think he is the guy for you. He sounds like mates material, not bf. I think you will end up resenting him in the long term.

There will be other decent men out there, who will give you the spark, but not this one.

Pound bet you marry him!

Maybe you are wired to like Bad Boyz.

That would be a shame.

I've had good guys, bad guys and a few imbetween. With maturity, I chose the former and have never regretted it.

Feeling safe in a relationship has a lot to recommend it.

Is he safe in his relationship with you though ? I would say not.

Hang on...you think the women answering your thread are "bitter and jealous"

No

No, he's not safe in that I don't know what to do. Which is why I posted. Mention a bloody porsche............?

Op you seem to have fallen hard and fast before for all the wrong men

When a decent gent appears you won’t give it time to develop into a living relationship

As another poster said your mistaking the drama for a spark

Just go with this as live comes in many packages

What SerenDippitty says.

If there's no passion now Chiffon, there never will be. Love grows but passion doesn't if it's not there in the first place. Your passion seems to be his car!

Well the horridness is drawing me more towards his kindness, so maybe it's just as well I posted. He is absolutely lovely. Maybe it can work. Porsche and all!

Maybe he'll give you the car.

You have previously been in abusive relationships, you are sub consciously attracted to that kind of man.

I would give your new man a proper chance to get under your skin it's difficult to not have that gut "fancying" hormonal lust BUT you lust after the wrong kind of guy...

He's a safe place. He is so nice to me. I'll give it a shot.

Shag the car then OP.

You are a bit snippy, op. Kinda hard to see where you are coming from.

Have you had any help in processing why you are attracted to men who abuse you ? It could be helpful, as could the Freedom Programme.

I genuinely couldn't fault him. He's cute but not 'Jesus Christ' cute. He's just a new phenomenon to me. He has everything I am looking for but just not that je ne sais quoi. His kindness and concern for me though is probably what draws me to him. And the porsche is cool (sorry, mercenary).

I tend to know how I feel about someone very quickly. I fall hard and fast, but equally, I don't think I'm the type for whom love will develop slowly
I'm similar, OP. I need to feel that "wow!", want to get their kit off urgently, or I'm not interested. Do you fancy him?
One thing though, when you say you fall hard and fast do you mean fall in love? Only I wonder if maybe you confuse love (which happens over time as you slowly get to know someone) with lust and infatuation?

If you don't want folk to bang on about the Porsche, stop repeatedly mentioning it

I have a smart car of my own. Much more satisfying to raise my own status (if that is your bag) than rely on a man to do it.

Tell me more, tell me more likedoeshehaveacar

You are touchy OP at the responses you have had. Rather than take offence, listen to what people are try I g to tell you rather than go off like a bomb.
I get the sense you are quite brittle and not all that nuanced so perhaps some of what been said has flown I er your head.
You asked for advice and people responded but maybe you see that you still have a blind side regards men. Maybe he isn't as lovely as you want him to be but it's hard to admit that this passion is in fact same old Basher Charlie turning up again.
You can front it out here with all us jealous bitches but only you k ow what's really going in.
All the best live. I mean that. Just cop on a bif

Ignoring the car issue (which I kind of read as a “he even has a flash car for chrissakes!” lighthearted comment rather than anything signifying outright materialism) you’re probably missing the ‘spark’ of recognition you used to get when another toxic bastard turned up. The agitation, uncertainty and unpredictability of a nasty prick who will treat you like shit....

I’d see what happens with this guy for a bit if I were you. Love can surprise us sometimes.

ok lola. I know exactly what you mean...........

Atrocious! You managed to grasp what I was saying! Thank you!

Lol. Yeah, I'm going to give it another date (next weekend at his place) and see how I feel.