to not know what to do with my new man?

[Chiffon]

He is an absolute gentleman, but there is no spark.
He adores me, is kind, attentive, good in bed, buys me flowers and chocolates, compliments me all the time, worries about me, minds me etc.
I've had years of abusive relationships one physically, and one where I was just messed around.
Can love grow? On paper, he is everything I should be looking for (drives a Porsche!), but can love grow or should I just end it now?
I tend to know how I feel about someone very quickly. I fall hard and fast, but equally, I don't think I'm the type for whom love will develop slowly.
What is the right thing to do for both me and him? Asking for myself primarily obviously.

Ignore me - clearly a troll! The more they posted the less credible they seemed!

I don't find expensive fast cars a turn on at all, what a load of tosh.
Usually guys with these type of cars adore their cars mainly. and no spark you say,, he has is own spark (plugs ).

Who’s Ian?

that's what I'm wondering. Whether it all seems too easy and therefore wrong. I was attending counselling but had to quit as I went back to work

If there isn't a spark, I'm not sure it can develop. After years of being in on/off relationships where I never felt good enough, I met someone who treated me like you are being treated (minus the money and flash car sadly). I had a relationship with him and for the first time in my life it was easy. I let it continue, we had kids together. But the spark never did develop. We are still together but I often wonder what it must be like to be in a relationship where both people love each other completely.

That said, and I will get flamed for this I'm sure, money and financial security is hugely important in a relationship. I wouldn't care about a car but if the guy you are seeing is a saver as well as a spender, then I wouldn't automatically dismiss him as a life partner. Financial stress is one of the main causes of divorce. Being with someone wealthy who adores you and can provide a good lifestyle for you, the best schools for any children etc is not something I would walk away from lightly. Obviously this is only true if you like him as a person and you do as you say that you list a lot of positives. I am of the belief that you can't have everything. For me I could have an easy relationship or one where my heart would beat quickly when I looked at someone, but as that one also brought drama, tears and heartbreak, I chose the easy one.

For the lucky people, they can have it all. I'm not one of them sadly.

Being with someone wealthy who adores you and can provide a good lifestyle for you, the best schools for any children etc is not something I would walk away from lightly. Yes because God forbid women should provide these for themselves

Also on another note, I'm really uncomfortable with how women are being blamed on this thread for men being abusive. It smacks of "she was asking for it". I didn't want to be beaten and raped by my ex or the one after that. The second one in particular everyone thought he was a steady safe guy. So did I, I didn't even have a spark with him I just thought he'd be safe.

Chiffon You were raped 7 weeks ago. Do you think you are in the right frame of mind to be dating this lovely new chap at the moment?

When teaching women how to fully recover from abusive relationships, surely ‘don’t go for the thrill’ is only half the answer?

If it’s a list of ‘don’t’s’, how do you know when you’re getting it right?

I’m very keen to learn, but I can’t date again until I know what I’m doing, and all the dont’s just leave a worrying vacuum:

• ‘dont rely on your instinct/ what feels ‘right’’
• ‘dont go for anyone you feel a massive spark for’ etc..

So, what are the do’s?

How long have you been together?
(Sorry if I missed it)

I also think your abusive ex boyfriend may have messed with your radar so you think nice normal calm with no drama = no connection

If it’s been 2 years I’d pass bit if it’s 6 months or so I’d give it a year and see how you feel.

Some counselling might be useful too.
I still struggle sometimes with my kind &lovely DP (even though I love him tremendously) because it still feels uncomfortable sometimes as I’m still not entirely used to a healthy love.

The problem is that many women who have had an abusive relationships start to confuse the drama with "spark".

This.

Buy yourself a fast car if you must, and then find a man with a good heart.