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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be boggled at my sister expecting me to come to her wedding in the middle of the school year ...

144 replies

NotQuiteCockney · 08/06/2007 21:04

My sister told me on the phone, she's (probably) getting married Jan 26th, next year. Ok, this is lots of notice. But it's in Toronto, and at a bloody stupid time. I'm sick of going to Canada, honestly, and what am I meant to do? Go for the weekend? Leave the kids at home? What?

The whole thing has me annoyed, tbh. I know she can't get married in the summer, when I normally come, I understand that. But easter or autumn would be a lot easier for me.

I just figured she didn't really care about me coming, but she sounded a bit put out when I said I'd have a hard time coming.

She came over for my wedding, true, but I scheduled my wedding to be convenient for everyone attending!

It probably doesn't help that I can't stand her DP ...

OP posts:
LucyJones · 11/06/2007 21:03

I think you're being unreasonable too. Why should she consult you when picking a date for her own wedding? Yes, she should understand why you can't attend but I don't think she should have a wedding at a different time of the year just to suit you.

fortyplus · 11/06/2007 21:10

If you love & value your sister then you go but leave the family at home.

Would be totally unreasonable to expect her to plan her wedding for your convenience, but it sounds as though she'll be hurt if you don't go.

Grit your teeth and take your thermals!

fireflyfairy2 · 11/06/2007 21:31

She doesn't get on with her sister.

They have no relationship.

They are not close.

Stay at home.

SweetyDarling · 11/06/2007 22:03

I flew to Australia for a friends wedding for the weekend. YABU.
Jetlag from the UK to Toronto? Seriously!? Come on!

SweetyDarling · 11/06/2007 22:04

BTW I don't neccessarily think you should go, but I think blaming the timing for your decision is unreasonable.

Original poster
NotQuiteCockney · 11/06/2007 22:18

If the timing was such that I could put our normal holiday to Canada with it (which could be at an unusual time of year) then I'd be fine with it. But I don't like the idea of flying there for just a day or two.

I think different people suffer jetlag differently - I know DH can sleep ok after arrival, while I'm out walking the streets at 5am, my first morning.

OP posts:
OrmIrian · 12/06/2007 07:27

You see I don't understand the argument that she shouldn't plan her wedding to make life easier for others. Why not? It's a family occassion too. And if you want certain people to come (as NQC's sisters seems to do)why not try to make it easier? If you want to get married on your own with strangers as witnesses then go ahead - choose a snowy Thursday in November at 9am and consult no-one else's needs. That is presumably why most people choose a saturday for weddings - they know most people will be able to be there.

NCS's sister seems to want to have it both ways.

Sixofone · 12/06/2007 15:14

I think you consider other people but you don't plan around them, most people have weddings on a Sat so that the majority of people can attend, but not usually so one specific person can attend (unless they are extremely important to the bride or groom)

e.g. my daughter's first birthday party luckily falls on a Sat. But if it didn't, I'd have the party on her actual birthday and I would expect my sister to turn up although if she said she couldn't make it I would understand. Like the OP and her sister we are not incredibly close (but we do however get on well). So I think the OP's sister will understand in this case.

As it is, she's not coming because of her DOG which just makes me mad, but that's another AIBU thread altogether

oranges · 13/06/2007 11:32

haha, after posting this, our closest friend has just announced he's getting married in Canada is august, and can we come over please for the ceremony on western lake superior. NQC - are you around? Can you help me figure out if its practical or not?

potoroo · 13/06/2007 11:40

There are always going to be people who can't make it.

My brother and his fiance announced his engagement the same weekend that I found out am pregnant again. I can't go because I will be 33 weeks pregnant and a 24 hour flight to Australia with a 2 year old by myself would be insane.

We are both disappointed but I do not expect him to change the day. We'll do webcam I think

warthog · 13/06/2007 12:22

don't go. it's wedding no. 2. she will barely notice you're not there, and since you had discussed dates and she chose an inconvenient one, it's clear she's not that fussed. don't sweat it.

i know it's really hard going against family pressure - i've done it too.

warthog · 13/06/2007 12:22

my brother didn't go to my sister's wedding and they ARE close. sometimes it's just not that easy.

Original poster
NotQuiteCockney · 13/06/2007 12:48

oranges, Canada in August is very nice. What issues do you have with going? I don't know Western Lake Superior per say, but I expect it's nice, if maybe a bit buggy at that time of year ...

OP posts:
oranges · 13/06/2007 12:51

Great, you're here! My issues are: have you ever flown Zoom or Transat? They are much cheaper than Air Canada, but are they okay? How ba'd the jet lag?
And do you know any really nice hotels in Toronto? We may leave ds behind, and would be nice to squeeze in a little city break.

Original poster
NotQuiteCockney · 13/06/2007 16:06

The jet lag isn't that bad. Worse coming home than going out. I haven't tried the discount airlines, I expect they're ok. If you're flying regular, BA is better than Air Canada, only AC does daytime Toronto->London flights, which are quite useful.

Re: Toronto, I've not really stayed in hotels there, but I'm sure there are good ones, I can make inquiries. There's a lot of good stuff to do with kids in Toronto - how old are your kids?

OP posts:
Troutpout · 13/06/2007 16:22

Don't go
You aren't close,she won't care
You can miss your sisters wedding...all families are different...i didn't even tell my sister that i was getting married...we just aren't that close

sinclair · 13/06/2007 18:35

Oranges, we are off to TO in August - was all set to book Zoom this year as on a budget - but AC actually worked almost the same price (partly as children get a discount on scheduled airlines) Usually their fares are pegged to BA but at present they seem to have some sort of deal on - def worth checking. We are close to LHR and GAtwick a pain so that made our minds up really.

Good luck and enjoy Toronto it's a lovely town.

Original poster
NotQuiteCockney · 13/06/2007 18:38

We always go BA, because they have seat back telly. But depending on the age of your kids, that may not be important to you ...

OP posts:
oranges · 13/06/2007 18:38

Thanks Oranges and Sinclair. Air Canada have some great prices from Manchester, but we are in London and would be a pain to get up there. I'll keep looking around.

As for Toronto, what I need to find is a really new, trendy hotel for various complicated reasons. Any suggestions?

DS is one, so only needs somwhere to run around, but as I said, we may leave him as its a flying visit and may be too gruelling for him.

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