To be sick of seeing this on EVERY mn thread

[beeefcake]

This is a particular problem for AIBU but it seems like no one can ask for a simple bit of advice without someone being purposefully negative and downright unhelpful.

I.e I could start a thread saying AIBU to think that celery is disgusting.

One of the first comments would be YABU because some people live under famine and would be grateful for a huge bowl of celery.

Yep. There was a thread the other day where an OP was upset about her husband, whose attitude towards her had completely changed and she felt neglected, only for someone to say, well her husband had been dead 25 years so the OP should think herself lucky to have a living husband at all.

That attitude is so bizarre; if any of these people gave these responses in real life they wouldn't have a single friend left.

It's just sanctimony and virtue signalling. Ignore them

Yab very unreasonable. I am a celery farmer. How dare you denigrate our industry!!

Just kidding.

Yanbu. I've tagged you on another thread.

I bemoaned my hormonal acne once (had lovely clear skin before going on BASTARD PILL) and was asking what I could do about it.

One poster said something like;

'talk about first world problems. You should think yourself lucky you've not been the victim of an acid attack or fire that could have actually disfigured your face. Buy some concealer and stop moaning'

There was a thread the other day where an OP was upset about her husband, whose attitude towards her had completely changed and she felt neglected, only for someone to say, well her husband had been dead 25 years so the OP should think herself lucky to have a living husband at all.

This attitude comes out more and more the closer you get to Christmas around here. Example

‘My parents/in laws come to us every Xmas, never help out, never say thank you, ignore the children, kick the dog, call me lazy and are generally awful every time I see them. AIBU to just want one peaceful, stress free Christmas?’

Cue emotional blackmail replies:

‘Your poor family, don’t you know Christmas is about sharing your time? They’ll be DEAD soon, just like my parents! I don’t care if they’re 60, in good health and you’re looking at 25 more years of this, it’s your job to martyr yourself for other people! Did I mention my parents were dead? You utter heartless fiend, I hope no one has you for Christmas in your old age. Dead parents!’.

It’s ridiculous.

talk about first world problems. You should think yourself lucky you've not been the victim of an acid attack or fire that could have actually disfigured your face. Buy some concealer and stop moaning'

They had to be trolling, no one is that obtuse

YANBU - Just keep on scrolling if you have nothing constructive to say people.
Nobody, and I do mean nobody, wants to hear ‘You should remember how lucky you are to have insert something the poster doesn’t have and wants you to feel guilty about here I wish I did!’

I think some of the posts are written by MNers who are actually aligned with your POV, OP, and who are satirising exactly what you're describing, but because there are so many posts that are written in - well, I hesitate to call it good faith!, but posts that aren't satirical and where the posters are just being dicks, it's hard to tell the difference.

Yes and the total refusal to find anyone else rude, smelly, horrible, annoying. They always must have MH issues/ Aspergers/ Anxiety.
NO some people are just horrible sometimes!!!!!!

there is a lot of it now, truthfully we could all do it to one another on every topic, there will always be someone that has something you don’t or they appear to not appreciate or enjoy something that you’d love but that’s just life, it’s not constructive to point it out every time, it helps no one.

I hope you're right @DolorestheNewt

MIL threads seem particularly bad for it.

I.e. my MIL tried to kidnap my DC
Response it "CONSIDER yourself lucky my ILs don't even send us a Christmas card"

fuck off!!!!!!!

Well OP you should think yourself lucky that you have such a charmed life that this is the only thing you can think to start a moany thread about.

Some of us have real problems - I had to start a thread about my neighbours 25 years ago who moved their wheelie bin by a metre and how we were too scared to move it back and were stuck in our house for 6 months, so I failed my o levels.

Or when one of the mums at the school gate didn't say hello to me once, so they obviously hated me and were all meeting up with out inviting me on a regular basis. The only course of action was to remove my children from the school, sell the house, divorce DH and immigrate. I needed advice from MN on naice areas in the world to move to to avoid such unpleasantness.

Here's a GRIP, OP

I think it comes from people having a bad day, when they are feeling low they skim threads and then make a knee-jerk response. Most likely they feel bad about it later (not that that helps the OP of the thread) but I do think it is down to people feeling bad and posting. I say this because I have taught myself to either switch MN off when I'm feeling bad and to not post. How you feel certainly affects responses. This isn't an excuse for it more a ... reason.

And the people who can't possibly believe something because it's never happened to them / it's not within their extremely narrow experience. Complete with sarky emoji.

Do not.. I repeat do not look at the P&C v BB spaces threads. Every new post is who is worse off than who. There are actually posts saying I hope you will become disabled. Iv honestly never read such vitriol. Had to hide the thread. Totally agree with you but when it's not as scary as the kind of threads iv mentioned it can be quite funny.

Unfortunately the world is full of not very nice people and the internet is rife with them because they are disguised - I just hope when people receive nasty and/or belittling comments on here, they move on to the ones who are decent and just give a sensible opinion

user1510568216

Sorry, but you’re giving a very bad example there. Yes a few posters had some harsh responses to the OP, but their attitude was awful to begin with, never mind disablist. Of course if you’re going to start a thread suggesting that ‘empty blue badge spaces could be turned into more parent and child spaces’ it was going to upset people .

Even style and beauty isn't immune, don't think about posting about which expensive handbag you should treat yourself to as you will only be chastised for not not being empathic and carrying your stuff around in a Tesco carrier bag. .... touch wood The Tack Room remains a safe haven.

Don’t feed the trolls, and don’t take them seriously or dignify them with a response. They hate being ignored, they’re needling and goading for a response.
Sometimes it’s more balanced, and it’s interesting to read differing views on the same topic. I like MN precisely because it’s NOT an echo chamber- I like to have intelligent discussions with other women who I’d never have the chance to meet IRL. The standard of debate, particularly on the feminist boards, is very high.

Oh god yes to the expensive handbag shaming!!

OP : I have £500 to spend on a once in a lifetime nice handbag purchase. Any suggestions?

Answers: OMG £500? I would NEVER spend that on a handbag!

You should buy a £20 bag and give the rest to someone less fortunate.

£500? I can think of better things to spend it on than a bag that was probably produced in a sweatshop.

Etc, etc, etc continued for several more pages.

And it's the same when someone gets a really crap present off their husband or family. You can just see the lips tightening on those who are jealous that they get anything at all.

In fact there are so many women on here who get bugger all from their husbands - so many miserable bastards (the men.)

I have a big issue and I'd love some old fashioned mumsnet help but I know I'd have to wade through pages of posts where people are argumentative and blamey. I know it would make me worse so I don't. It's the callousness or the emotional deafness of the trolls. I don't mind the usual- Someone stole your bin - well if you shouldn't be trusted with a bin if you can't take care of it'. But some people are in a terrible place in their lives and there are multiple people who just kick them when they're down. It's so awful.
It reminds me of my Mum- no matter how awful someones life is- including mine she just says- 'Well your Dad's dead'. He's been dead for 25 years. That top trumps everything apparently.

And the people who bring the trans card into completely unrelated posts.

OP - Someone brought their 12 year old boy into the womens toilets!
Reply - Maybe he identified as a woman!

OP - Why is the queue for the ladies always longer?
Reply - Go in the gents and say you identify as a man!

You can practically feel how pleased the commenter is with themselves at their 'hilarious' comments.