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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is DH an a**hole for this or AIBU

189 replies

l0stmummy · 13/09/2018 01:08

FYI im not trying to toot my own horn here and sorry in advance for my language .

Im not dumb. I did really well in school and was predicted good grades, but I fell ill and the year of my GCSEs I was hospitalised for months. It really screwed up my self confidence and mental health, so I didn't return to school or go to college. I got a job at 16 and worked hard in the same job until I turned 19 and was let go due to financial cuts. I never struggled without my GCSEs. There are several things that I didn't learn in school, and there are big gaps in my knowledge from the bits I missed out on.

DH uses this against me at every opportunity. Idiot is his favourite term for me. He says he likes being with someone who isn't as smart as him. If I can't do something he thinks is easy it's always 'i know you didn't finish school but really?'

It's really fucking degrading. He says it's just a joke but I would've loved to have gotten my GCSEs. And because I didn't i must be thick as pig shit. Like a week or so ago I was 'being a bit difficult' as I was putting down an inflatable pool and couldn't get all the air out. He proceeded to call me stupid and said I shouldve finished school. Sorry mate, I didn't realise that deflating a toddlers paddling pool was part of the fucking curriculum!

Am I just being a bit of a wet wipe? Or is he being an asshole

OP posts:
BritInUS1 · 13/09/2018 01:10

Well he sounds like a real gem !

Why are you with him?

Abandonedabroad · 13/09/2018 01:10

100% asshole, no doubt about it. You deserve better.

Katedotness1963 · 13/09/2018 01:11

He’s a major arsehole!

HirplesWithHaggis · 13/09/2018 01:11

He's being an asshole. Can you attend college to gain some qualifications? Open University?

Bosabosa · 13/09/2018 01:11

He sounds horrible

CoughLaughFart · 13/09/2018 01:13

You don’t need GCSEs to kick someone up the arse wearing a steel toe-capped boot.

Uncreative · 13/09/2018 01:14

LTB

Original poster
l0stmummy · 13/09/2018 01:15

I wish it was that easy to just LTB

OP posts:
DiegoMad0nna · 13/09/2018 01:17

However difficult it is to LTB, surely that's better than the alternative of staying with the B forevermore and wasting your life.

I would never call my OH an idiot. Completely disrespectful, rude, abusive and unnecessary.

Appygolucky1234 · 13/09/2018 01:19

Arsehole. It’s pretty awful to use that to belittle you. You’re his wife, he shouldn’t be talking to you like that- what kind of model is he setting for your kids on how you should treat people, women?

You have nothing to prove- but for your own sense of achievement maybe look into some evening classes etc, access courses? A family member did this and it did wonders for her self esteem and sense of achievement.

You certainly don’t sound stupid! And frankly, even if you were his behaviour would be mean and VU.

sobeyondthehills · 13/09/2018 01:27

In qualification terms on paper, I am the better of myself and my partner, in actual knowledge he is so much better, we each have different skills, we are both qualified in very different ways.

I would never use the fact I have more qualifications against him, any more than he would use my bad spelling against me

AltheaorDonna · 13/09/2018 01:28

He sounds like an absolute arsehole. I would not stay with someone who belittled me like that.

VimFuego101 · 13/09/2018 01:29

He's a dick.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 13/09/2018 01:29

Come on OP, you know you're not being U! Grin

I wish it was that easy to just LTB

You sound as though you want to, and no one would blame you?

BastardGoDarkly · 13/09/2018 01:31

He's your husband. He's supposed to cheer you on, big you up, pick you up and make you feel warm, secure, loved and accepted.

But no, this guys just a cunt to you.

Seriously, LTB.

Rockingaround · 13/09/2018 01:34

Life is too short. If you stay with him your self worth will just erode to nothing. He sounds so insecure and full of bravado, academia is not the measure of intelligence and common sense trumps all, I would be getting my ducks in a row ... show him just how smart you are!

Havabiscuit · 13/09/2018 01:35

He’s being stupid. You are not.
Is there still an Access course at your local community college. I took one of these years ago. Gives you “access” to higher education for those that missed out first time round. Used to be for over 25 age group.

NoodleEatingPoodle · 13/09/2018 01:35

He's abusive.

You sound smart. Witty. He probably realises that you're actually much smarter than he is and has to put you down about not having it on paper in order to soothe his ego. Which makes him a grade A dick. You deserve better.

delphguelph · 13/09/2018 01:37

Do you really need to ask?

Aquamarine1029 · 13/09/2018 01:43

Even if it isn't easy to leave, you will NEVER regret that you did. You will come out free on the other side.

Stay with this man, and he will succeed in chipping away at whatever self-esteem you have left until you are a shell of yourself. You deserve better and your child sure as fuck does. Get out.

LMDC · 13/09/2018 01:46

You deserve so much more than that degrading prick. Flowers

Nicknacky · 13/09/2018 01:47

Op, in the many years I have been with my h not one of us has used qualifications (or lack of) against other, even in jest. Hell, I don’t even know who is on paper the brainier one!

I’m really not one to say ltb but if he doesn’t stop doing this then I would seriously be thinking about it.

Guiltypleasures001 · 13/09/2018 01:48

Oh lovely whatever your kids get taught in school, it's going to be nothing to what he's teaching them in doors.

Getting your gcse's wouldn't have made a difference with this fucknugget
He's abusive end of. Makes himself feel all superior to make you feel so small,
The best bit of self education you could do lovely, is make quiet plans to leave.

Original poster
l0stmummy · 13/09/2018 01:48

I have a completely irrational fear of abandonment.. so I stay. I know it's stupid. And I've tried to leave and tried to say im leaving but he says im being abusive trying to leave him

OP posts:
Blendingrock · 13/09/2018 01:49

As much as you won't want to hear this, you need to leave this man, and the longer to stay with him, the lower your self esteem will be and the harder it will be to leave.

Leaving IS hard, and dealing with the fallout can be awful, BUT, by staying you are sending him a very clear message that you are ok with the way he treats you, and what's more, as your child/children gets older it will be sending a clear message to them that this is how a relationship works, and this is how a man treats a woman, and that's what they will expect/accept from their relationships.