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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is DH an a**hole for this or AIBU

189 replies

l0stmummy · 13/09/2018 01:08

FYI im not trying to toot my own horn here and sorry in advance for my language .

Im not dumb. I did really well in school and was predicted good grades, but I fell ill and the year of my GCSEs I was hospitalised for months. It really screwed up my self confidence and mental health, so I didn't return to school or go to college. I got a job at 16 and worked hard in the same job until I turned 19 and was let go due to financial cuts. I never struggled without my GCSEs. There are several things that I didn't learn in school, and there are big gaps in my knowledge from the bits I missed out on.

DH uses this against me at every opportunity. Idiot is his favourite term for me. He says he likes being with someone who isn't as smart as him. If I can't do something he thinks is easy it's always 'i know you didn't finish school but really?'

It's really fucking degrading. He says it's just a joke but I would've loved to have gotten my GCSEs. And because I didn't i must be thick as pig shit. Like a week or so ago I was 'being a bit difficult' as I was putting down an inflatable pool and couldn't get all the air out. He proceeded to call me stupid and said I shouldve finished school. Sorry mate, I didn't realise that deflating a toddlers paddling pool was part of the fucking curriculum!

Am I just being a bit of a wet wipe? Or is he being an asshole

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 13/09/2018 04:50

Would you be happy if your daughter ended up with someone like him?

I’m sorry OP but you say yourself the shitty times outweigh the good massively. You need to leave and you know it. You can’t be happy with him.

My mum’s partner was like him, always putting her down. I begged her to leave him. Instead she had a couple more children then dropped dead leaving a fucking mess when I was a teenager.

Leave because you don’t know what will happen tomorrow.

user1457017537 · 13/09/2018 04:52

There are different types of intelligence, ie emotional intelligence. Never let anyone put you down, you have youth on your side.

ICantBelieveIDidThis · 13/09/2018 04:55

There are free courses for Level 2 (GCSE) English and Maths if that's any help at all.

For one good thing, there are ten bad?

He's abusive and you could do with counselling for your low self esteem

YouBetterWORK · 13/09/2018 05:11

You've said you love him, but he doesn't love you.

He doesn't. He's already abandoned you, emotionally he has walked out the door. All you are living with is a ghost, void of any emotion or respect for you as his wife and mother of his child.

As pp have said, think of what you would do if your DD came to you in the future and said what you've told us about her husband? What would you tell her, when she says all the shitty things he uses to beat her down with, then says but I love him?

Chances are she will, because that's what she's learning from how he treats you. I'm sorry you are facing a hard road ahead, but like you said, you aren't dumb. You can do it.

BunnyCarr · 13/09/2018 05:18

He's an arsehole. You should kick him out and get a divorce. Contact women's aid.

MusicalMouse · 13/09/2018 05:22

Call him out “that’s a mean thing to say” “is that how you would want anyone to speak to you” etc. Hope he changes for the better but perhaps he isn’t smart enough to

BGDino · 13/09/2018 05:23

He's psychologically abusing you. Period.

Gnuggers · 13/09/2018 05:32

I’m with MusicalMouse - Call him out on it, every time! It’s called life skills, skill that you cannot learn from inside a classroom!!

PollyFlinderz · 13/09/2018 05:40

Op, you’d fly through your GCSE’s as an adult learner and before you know it you could even have a degree. Think about going down this route and remember at the end of it you’d have lots of certificates to tell him to put in his pipe and smoke.

BarbarianMum · 13/09/2018 05:43

It doesn't matter that you love him, you dont have to wait for that to stop before you leave him. All you have to do is admit that, although you love him, he's abusive to you and therefore you can't be a couple. And you owe it to your dd not to give her a life where she sees one person that she loves treat the other person she loves like shit. You owe it to her to show her, by example, that a woman does not stay in an abusive relationship.

And he wil turn on her, sooner or later. Do you want to watch her learn how to play stupid to please daddy?

TheObwaldhutte · 13/09/2018 06:22

I echo the others. Be your own best friend here and leave. He will turn it on your DD too.

Itsnotme123 · 13/09/2018 06:38

Tell him to stop degrading you, otherwise one day he will be on his own.

Nobody should speak to you the way he does, let alone your husband.

My ex was highly qualified and I have no GCSEs but never spoke to me like that. I left him for other reasons.
You really can’t stay with him and waste your life away. Be brave and go.

MrsMozart · 13/09/2018 06:41

He sounds horrible and maybe insecure, as in he knows you're brighter than him amd he can't cope.

How about, for you, doing a qualification?

Easynow · 13/09/2018 06:44

Mentally abusive arsehole.

LannieDuck · 13/09/2018 06:51

Whatever your circumstances, there'll be options. Why is it difficult for you to leave?

(And it's not abusive to leave a relationship. Either person can decide they're no longer in love with the other person at any time for any reason.)

Itsnotme123 · 13/09/2018 06:52

My son thought my relationship with my ex was normal until he saw how his friends parents treated each other, then he went off his dad big time.

There’s always somewhere else to go.

Beesandfrogsandfleas · 13/09/2018 06:53

For what it’s worth, my dh can’t get air out of an inflatable and he has a PhD.

thethoughtfox · 13/09/2018 06:55

He doesn't respect you and bullies and puts you down. I don't know how you could stay. Your children will see you the same way. Is this what you want?

crazydoglady6867 · 13/09/2018 06:57

He sounds like such a lovely guyGrin. You need to stand up for yourself and if it is true he is only joking then he will realise just how unfunny he actually is when you tell him to stop. If he carries on I can’t see it will be too hard to ‘kick his sorry ass out the door.’

Lostandfound81 · 13/09/2018 07:01

Yes I sound strong, articulate and no nonsense kind of person OP.

and you are with this utter twat.

As you say, you’re bright and it was circumstances that prevented you from getting GCSEs. Now demonstrate your intelligence by removing yourself from this marriage.

That will show him. You’re so intelligent, you see how he is dragging you down.

Stay with him however...

Lostandfound81 · 13/09/2018 07:02

Yes I should read “OP, you”!

Havaina · 13/09/2018 07:05

Get some fire in your belly and leave him.

You say you're smart, so prove it. Don't be a coward, leave him.

Beaverhausen · 13/09/2018 07:05

You need to grow some balls @l0stmummy and leave that dickswab. You deserve better GCSE or not and it is time that you come to realise that, he is not abandoning you he is abusing you.

My heart goes out to you, someone once told me I was "simple" and it hurt me terribly, so I can not imagine how you must be feeling. But one way to start making yourself feel better is talk to someone who will be able to build you up enough to throw that garbage disposer where he belongs on the tip.

HappyPear · 13/09/2018 07:09

He's not just an arsehole, he's abusive.

SinkGirl · 13/09/2018 07:11

I’m much more educated than my DH and it really bothers him sometimes, even though he’s just as intelligent as I am, he just had different opportunities.

We rib each other about all sorts of things but I would NEVER call him an idiot or stupid, or mock his lack of education as I know that would really really hurt him.